When it comes to history I love genealogy, it helps you learn about your ancestry and the struggles that your people went through. On my mother side, the story that catches my ear the most is about my ancestor Alberta Hall. She was a worker and when I looked into her file it said that she had a son who was mulatto or mixed. There's a fifty percent chance that he might have been born out of rape, but there's also a chance that he might've been born out of love. I pray that it was out love because that's a really sad tale to hear.
When it comes to my father's side, there's our feud with the Pittmans. My father was apparently just a child when it happened. When I was younger he told me about it and when I asked him what had happened he would just say something similar to the old, "When you're older." It was apparently one of the most darkest moments of our family history.
As of now when I think of my disorder and these stories I can't help but say I can survive through this.
My trip to the doctors was exactly what I thought it would be. It was a bunch of questions that lead to the one result, the diagnosis was obsessive-compulsive disorder or OCD. All of the intrusive thoughts and the obsessive worrying are apart of having it. It's a really vicious cycle in my opinion when you first start out with it.
At first something triggers it and you start to worry about it, you're focused on the problem for what seems like twenty minutes and it turns out that you've really been thinking about it for two or four hours straight. You might often repeat to yourself, "That's not true," over and over again like a patient from an insane asylum. Then you see something pop up outside of your thoughts and you calm down because you're distracted from what seems to be Mr. Hyde but it's only temporary.
While OCD is often associated with being a clean freak or uber-perfectionism, it's not always like that. People who don't have it really think of it as just that due to shows like Monk (which is pretty good) During high school I would hear people say, "I'm really OCD about this or that," and I was really quiet about it, but now I when I hear someone say that I just want to really tell them how I feel. In fact, I have at times, but as respectfully as I can when it pops up in conversations. At times it really upsets me because the ones who don't really have it don't have to struggle with the nonstop worrying, the vile intrusive thoughts, and they don't seclude themselves from others to avoid the fact that they might look like a nervous wreck or worse.
I really don't want to make people feel bad, I just want them to know the truth. That's why I wrote this. I hope it does make a difference in the end because people need to know.
YOU ARE READING
The Mind of Jared Lee
Non-FictionThis is a part of my life story of how I came to be. But most importantly it focuses on me having OCD and what I have to deal with. It might sound like a rant or it might sound heart-warming, but most of all I hope that it helps others overcome thei...
