UN REQUITED (boyxboy)

Two

As the source of my life slowly flows out of me and I begin to fade away, I can feel the small smile on my face as I realize that finally, I will be set free from the utter desolation and chaos that the shattering of my heart caused me to suffer. I take a closer look into the moment I began to feel pain because of him...

As we begin our last year in high school, I now face the challenge of having to live with an unmendable heart. Throughout the last couple of years, Conner started engaging with the opposite sex and slowly, little by little, my heart started to chip away. I would constantly deceive myself into believing that as long as I was number one in his life, there would somehow be a chance for me. I truly was deluded.

This year I had to contend with her. Deirdre is her name and she captivated Conner's attention like no one else ever had. Not even I, Ioan, his best friend could compete for his attention and that started the slow journey downhill spiral of my depression that led me to the present situation I find myself in.

She was something new having transferred from some other school and immediately fell into Conner's click making her extremely popular very quickly. At first she just gave him all of her attention trying to get to know him and feel him out and he quickly became obsessed with her.

When we did spend time together all he did was talk and talk and talk about nothing but her. The first thing to go was my appetite. I find it amazing that no one, not even Conner, really noticed that I was suddenly not hungry as much. I would do everything possible to avoid joining him at lunch because now in my place was her and there is only so much one can handle.

She must not have liked me very much because she pretty much ignored me and the fact that Conner did nothing, said nothing took another sliver from my already broken and fragile heart. That same heart nearly shattered when he spoke to me of the first time he kissed her or anyone for that matter right after Homecoming.

At this point, I barely slept and just kept to myself as much as possible. Going from spending almost every single moment of every day with Conner to some glances in passing or very short conversations about absolutely nothing during school took its toll on my heart and soul. I did try to persevere.

Then our holiday break came and as usual, our families did everything together. We always went away to some winter retreat and even though he tried with all of his might, Conner could not convince his parents to let his now girlfriend come along with us. For me, this was the real present. Two weeks of having Conner to myself. I hoped we could strengthen the bond that had weakened between us with her presence.

She was quite the manipulative one. Whenever Conner wanted to makes plans just for us, she would convince him to change them for her needs. She won every single time except for this one. The choice was not Conner's to make so there we were, on our way to enjoy two weeks away from the world.

I remember the conversation we had in the car. Conner drove us and our parents were in the car in front of us. "You know it's a good thing that Deirdre could not come because now we can have a bro vacation and catch up on life." I wanted to roll my eyes at him. Instead I said, "Yes, I cannot remember the last time we actually hung out just us." He quickly looks over at me in guilt knowing that he has neglected our friendship.

"I'm sorry Ioan but you have to understand that once you get a girlfriend of your own, you won't give me a second thought." We arrive at our destination just in time for me to get out of the car, trying to wrap my head around what he just said to me, caused me to loose my common sense as I stomped away from him feeling a mixture of pain and anger.

He is fast on my heels as I feel him come up right behind me and pull me to a stop. I see a glimpse of our parents entering our lodgings as I turn around and let him have it. "How can you say something like that to me. You are not just my friend, you are my brother, confidant, best friend, partner in crime and so much more. How could you so easily dismiss me for some piece of ass." "Don't talk about her like that!"

"Oh sure, HER you defend but heaven forbid you have to make any effort on my part. You are such a bad friend. You're a fucking teenager. If this relationship goes south do you really think you have the right to come crawling back to me after the way you have behaved?" By this point are voices are quite raised.

"You know what Ioan, it can't all be about you and eventually YOU WILL find a girl to take my place. Besides I know you better than anyone else." That's when I snapped. Having heard noises coming from the front door, I knew that our parents were coming out to see what all the commotion was. I walked right up to Conner and got right in his face.

I really had no clue what came over me but having snapped I had temporarily lost my mind so not caring what came next I yelled at him and said, "Oh so you know me so well huh? Let me tell you something oh BEST FRIEND of mine. No girl could replace you because no girl could ever hold my interest because I AM GAY!"