Finding Home #SYTYCW15 #SpecialEdition

Finding Home Part 15

Chapter Fourteen

The smell of turkey and pie still filled the house, though the dishes had long been cleared away. Wind roared off the lake, battering the house. They'd gotten a foot of snow already, and it showed no sign of slowing down. The plows were out, but the snow was falling so fast that they couldn't keep up with it, leaving the roads drifted with snow and impassible. Diana and Susan had managed to get to Andie's house earlier that day, but there was no leaving now.

Andie snapped a sheet in the air, then let it drift down over the guest bed. As she bent to tuck in the corner, Diana stepped into the doorway.

"Well," she said, "My mom is out like a light on your couch. I guess I get the guest bed after all." Diana stood there, a frown on her face as she watched Andie. "We've been best friends for a long time, Andie. Since we were little. I've always loved you and stood by you, no matter what choice you made, but I can't stand by you in this one. I can't."

Andie opened her mouth, bewildered, but Diana held up her hand. "No. I don't want to hear it. I can't watch you do this anymore. I know it's wrong, and horrible of me, but God, Andie. I hate you so much right now!" And Diana gave the plump, down pillows stacked neatly by her feet a good hard kick, sending them crashing into the window.

Andie pressed her icy fingers to her mouth, trying to keep her gasp of shock from escaping. "Diana-"

"No! I do! I hate you! I hate you for throwing your life away, for living like you're already dead! Don't you get it? You've got this whole, long life ahead of you! You can make plans, have dreams, live. And I have nothing! Nothing! You have an amazing man who loves you, and you're too damn scared of taking a risk to do anything about it!" She whirled and slammed her fist into the mattress with a good, solid thump. "Yeah, someday, you'll die. So will Conner and Shawn and Logan. But in all likelihood it will be decades from now. Do you even know how lucky you are? What a luxury that is? What gives you the right to say, 'Oh, gee, thanks for this nice life, God, but I don't think I want to live it. It's too scary'? And you know what else? Your parents would hate it too, if they could see it! Do you think they'd like what you've done to yourself? Do you think they'd be happy that you let their death twist you into this cold, frightened, empty person you've become?" And then she stopped, her chest heaving like she'd run a race.

Andie slid to the floor as Diana's words sliced through her. The room spun around her as she struggled to breathe under the crushing weight of her accusations.

No, not accusations. Truth. Andie knew it in her heart for awhile now, but had been afraid to confront it. She'd chosen to ignore it, but she couldn't ignore it now. Not when Diana was standing in front of her, her head bald, her body emaciated. Diana was so right. What did Andie have to be so scared of? That she might get hurt? That she might lose someone she cared about? Had being so scared, so ruthlessly careful, saved anyone she had loved and lost? Had it kept Diana from getting sick? Or Logan from getting hurt? Had it kept Andie from being miserable?

Andie's parents would hate that she'd taken their lives, all the wonderful memories, and twisted it into some kind of screwed up shield, using it as an excuse to try to protect herself. The stupid thing was, even if she kept everyone she loved healthy and safe, eventually they'd get old. What would Andie have to show for her life other than a huge pile of regrets and always, always, a bright ribbon of pain through it all?

Diana slid down next to Andie, let her head rest on her shoulder. "And do you know what the worst part is? You pushed Conner away to keep from getting hurt. But look at you. You're miserable without him. Can you truthfully tell me, right now, that you're not in pain, that you don't miss him? That you haven't been hurting constantly, ever since he walked away?"