Failure (A Death Note/L Love Story)

Chapter 56

"I'll miss you, Hikari," Matsuda said as he hugged me in the parking lot, and I think he was trying to hide the fact that he was crying. We were standing in front of the car that Watari had just finished packing with my things. It was my last goodbye. My time to leave. Everyone was told I was going off to work on an urgent case that couldn't wait until after we caught Kira, and they had no reason not to believe it.

I looked to the others over Matsuda's shoulder. Even Light was seeing me off, but not L. He hadn't said a word to me since the day before. We had tried to avoid each other, but there were a few times when we'd run into each other when I'd go downstairs to grab something I needed to pack. I'd never seen him so angry or depressed. Sure, he didn't really show it, but the look in his eyes.... I doubt I would ever see him again if he solved the case and remained alive. It wasn't like when he left me a few years before. No, it was really our end. A tragic ending that broke my heart and reinforced what I had known all along: I could never be even a version of L. I failed the one thing I was taught to be my whole life. It was over.

I released him, "Call me H now that I'm not on the case anymore. And I'll miss you, too. You never know. Maybe I'll work with you on another case in the future." Of course, I knew that was a lie. There was a better chance that the world would end than us seeing each other again.

"Maybe we will. If you're allowed, give me a call sometime. Especially if you're back in Japan," he told me.

"I will," I agreed, and that was something I wasn't lying about. If I somehow ended back in Japan, I would go see him. All of them, actually.

My eyes landed on my team surrounding me. They looked so sad to see me go. I said, "Be careful, okay? I don't want to hear anything bad happened to you guys while I'm gone. And catch Kira."

Light spoke up, "We will. You take care, too, H." I took a deep breath and nodded. They then left to return to their jobs. It was only Watari and I left.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you?" my surrogate father asked for the millionth time.

"I'd rather be by myself. Besides, they need you here. Don't worry. I won't get lost or anything," I joked, trying to make the atmosphere lighter. It hadn't worked. In our silence, I asked softly, "Will I see you again this time?"

He put his hands on my shoulders and assured me, "Of course, H. I could never leave you for so long again." He looked down. "I'm sorry. This is my fault. I should have never-"

I interrupted, "I'm the one who left. I'm the one who lied. I'm the one who hurt him. So, don't be sorry." He hesitated before nodding. I knew he would continue to blame himself, anyway. It was a lost cause at that point.

"Watari, would you do me favor? The next time you and L are alone, tell him I'm sorry about everything. And... give him this," I instructed, taking out an index card. I placed it in his wrinkled hand.

When he began reading it, he gasped, "Is this your brownie recipe?"