Am I your anything?(afi FANFICTION)

Am I your anything?

The cheesy scene in a movie usually comes after a rising action. So where'd the falling action go? This is in Jade's
point of view as well.

There wasn't a moment that went by that I didn't think about Davey. He made my life complete, despite not being fully a part of it. It made me feel almost lost because I wasn't good enough for him. He didn't love me like I loved him...he only saw me as a friend and nothing more. Marissa was someone that I could do without, and how it had taken me years and years to see that Davey was the one for me was beyond me.

Now it was too late for me to have him in that sort of way. I didn't care if he ever touched me...just as long as I knew that he was mine. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my cheek to the cold glass of the window a little harder, feeling the gentle pattering of rain against the pane.

He was out of my reach now...having decided that us being friends was more important then us being lovers or boyfriends or whatever you want to call it. All I knew was that Davey had rejected me...and he was never going to revoke that decision for as long as I would live. He would probably outlive me...but either way...I couldn't deal with it.

Sitting up, I looked towards the door to the bus. Everyone was gone for the day, having split up to do random things whilst I stayed on the bus and acted like the fucking emotional I was. Shaking my head, I went for the bathroom and opened the mirror, taking out that little case and pulling out the razorblade that I used and cleaned almost every day. The gashes were no longer reserved for my arms...but also for my legs and a little for my hips. I wouldn't damage my stomach, since that was shown sometimes when I removed my shirt during a concert. That had only occurred a couple dozen times, so I was just being cautious.

When I closed the hidden shelves behind the mirror, I caught my reflection and just stared at how much I had deteriorated. My eyes were sunken in from a lack of sleep and crying, and I looked a little skinnier. I couldn't find the strength to stomach any food. Why was I being torn apart from the inside? Why did I love Davey Havok so much?

I felt anger flare up inside of me and I brought that razorblade down without looking, drawing it over the flesh of my arm without paying any attention to where it was cutting. All I could do was look at myself, tears glistening on my cheeks and in my eyes, pain flaring in my chest as I growled at myself.

"That's right...cut away you worthless, sorry excuse for a human being. Some friend you are. Davey shouldn't have to deal with you. You're pathetic and hopeless in everything that you do. You love him when you shouldn't. He's your friend, you shouldn't care for him like you do. Keep cutting...cut...cut...cut until you can't anymore. Until there's no skin left on your body!"

My fist came out next, the razorblade grasped into the palm as I smashed my hand into the mirror again and again and again, feeling the glass cracking and breaking beneath my anger and pain. The larger shards that broke loose fell into the sink, whilst smaller ones dug into and remained in my flesh. One even struck close to my artery. I looked down at that one, stopping when I realized that it was that simple.

That was all I had to do and Davey would be free of me forever. He wouldn't have to put up with the emotional attitude that I sported so frequently.

Grabbing that piece of glass, I dragged it down my arm, feeling the tip of it cut a little deeper. But not close enough to the artery. I did some damage to the tendons though, losing muscular coordination in my wrist. The one that pressed the strings down. Wouldn't matter now...considering no one was there to save me...and I wasn't going to go anywhere near a phone.

Sinking to the floor, I leaned against the shower stall and watched the blood come out of my veins...seeing it sink against my pants and a little onto the floor. Davey was going to be so much happier without me in his life. He was going to be free to do what he wanted, to live how he wanted...and he wouldn't have me burdening him all the time.

Sobbing a little, I covered my eyes with the hand that was bleeding from the palm. The razorblade had cut in deep, but not bad enough to damage it...not like my wrist. I felt the tears there and then leaned back, resting my head against the frosted glass of the shower door. I missed Davey...every second of every day...because he wasn't mine...because I knew that he wasn't going to be mine.

Looking towards the bathroom door when I heard the bus door open, I listened for the words that I thought would come. Something about good-bye, have fun in Hell...but no...I was starting to hallucinate from the loss of blood.

Standing up, be it weakly and with a slight waiver, I opened the door and moved into the hall, stumbling a little and catching myself against the wall. Blood smeared against it and I looked towards the 'living room', seeing Davey turn just as I came into view.

The look of horror on his face was enough to make me close my eyes and bow my head, looking away from him in a sort of shame that I had felt every day for the past who knew how long. I tripped this time, falling to my knees just as Davey reached me. He came to rest next to me, wrapping his arms around me and holding me against him.

My bare back was pressed to the cloth of his shirt, against his chest, and I gasped a little, my vision blurring momentarily as I waited to hear him say something. Anything. I just wanted the sound of his voice to be the last thing that I heard.

"Jade...oh my God...Jade. Why?"

I coughed a little, trying to get my vocal chords to work. There was something pressure against my wrist and I realized that he had taken the towel off of the bar on the stove and had pressed it there, trying to stop the bleeding. It wasn't the artery...but I had been bleeding for a while now. When I regained my wits, if only for a little bit, I spoke to him, in barely a whisper.

"Because I can't live with what I feel anymore. Every day I feel another part of me die...because I can't have you...your love. Making you smile and laugh is the highlight of my day...and lately I want you just to smile because you know that I'm yours. I'm sorry Davey...but I love you too much to live without you."

Tears were gathering in his eyes, I could see them. At that moment, Smith walked in, followed closely by Adam and Hunter. There was movement and the sound was going out of everything. I could no longer hear. Tilting my head to the side, I pressed my head against Davey's chest, my ear over his heart. That I could hear. The racing way that it pumped. I was going to remember that every second that I was in Hell.

Finally, just when the darkness started to blanket me, I parted my lips and thought I heard Davey say something. But alas, I couldn't understand it and the world faded to black.