Fifty Shades of Mutual Anxiety

Explosive Insecurities

Gail was cooking dinner while Ana and Teddy were playing peek-a-boo with Phoebe. Ana lit up when she saw Christian storm into the living room, but her face fell when she noticed his disheveled hair and the furious scowl he wore.

"Gail please take a break from preparing dinner and look after Teddy and Phoebe. Anastasia I want to speak with you in private — now," he commanded gruffly, brooking no dissent.

Ana gave Gail a sympathetic smile and meekly followed Christian to their bedroom, feeling like an errant schoolgirl.

Once inside, he slammed the door shut as he stood over her, fuming. He tried to reign in his rising anger — but was failing miserably.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me you came by the office today? Why did you change your mind and run to your office instead — and then lie to me about it?"

"Christian," Ana began to explain before he promptly cut her off.

"Was it because that fucker Blaine was there?" he yelled, the name oozing with barely concealed disgust. "Did you change your mind about seeing me because you found out he'd be in the office? Is that why you went over there? To meet him?"

Ana just stared at Christian in wide-eyed confusion. She was too stunned by the sheer absurdity of his accusation and the venom in his voice to formulate a response.

"Answer me damn it!" he roared.

"Ah no," she stammered out, grasping for words. "Not at all. I..."

"Don't fucking lie to me Ana," he warned, his voice low and menacing. "Is there something I don't know that you want to tell me?" He was livid now, finally voicing the unspoken fears that had always simmered beneath his cool exterior.

"What?" she sputtered out, still in shock. "Of course not. That's ridiculous. I. No. I. What the hell are you implying..."

"For fuck's sake spit it out Anastasia! Why did you go to your office? What are you hiding? Start talking," he demanded.

Christian wasn't letting her get a word in edgewise — ironic considering that his intention was to force her to open up and talk to him. So he finally quieted his vicious temper tantrum long enough to let her speak.

"Because I had things to take care of. Hell, I didn't even know Stephen would be there! How dare you insinuate something like that Christian Grey," she chastised him. "I went to your office. I saw those two women and figured you were busy and left. It was no big conspiracy. It's just that..."

Christian seized on her admission to cut her off again, letting his baseless assumptions fuel his rage.

"Is that what this is all about? Those two cunts?" She cringed at his derisive tone. "Did you think you saw something suspicious in my office? For fuck's sake, they make my skin crawl. I'm not even going to deal with them any more — I've already pawned them off on Mike."

Ana just stood there, dumbfounded. "Christian, I would never expect you to stop working with anyone..." she began, only to be silenced again.

"I don't care what you expect Anastasia. I do it because I'd never jeopardize what we have for even the mere appearance of impropriety. I don't tolerate predatory women who hit on married men. You know that. But I'm so sick of these idiotic insecurities of yours. Christ Ana, I'm not going to pander to them each time a woman comes onto me. We've been over this a million times. You're acting silly and irrational."

"Said the man who just accused me of having an affair because I stopped into my office and an author dared to speak to me," she screamed, incredulous at his double standard.

It was like she'd been slapped in the face. But it was his dismissive attitude toward her fears, not his unfounded paranoia about Stephen, that really stung. How could she ever confide in him now, knowing his true feelings — knowing that he was fed up with coddling her?

"As for my 'silly' insecurities, don't you worry about them," she choked out, her bottom lip trembling. "I won't ever bother you with them again!"

She marched toward the door but he rushed to stop her, his six-foot frame towering over her as he spun her around.

"Wait Ana. That's not what I want. That's the exact opposite of what I want! Can't you see that?"

"No, all I see is someone who's tired of me. Who leaps to asinine conclusions and doesn't give a shit about what's really going on or how I actually feel. Your little performance back there made that abundantly clear. How can I trust you again knowing that you're sick of 'pandering' to me?"

He regretted his harsh words more than ever, the magnitude of what he'd said sinking in. Ana would retreat even further now, closing him off.

"Ana I could never be sick of you. All I want is for you to talk to me," he pleaded, the fight leaving him as it boiled inside of her.

"Well right now that's the last thing I want," she spit out, opening the door and wrenching her arm free. "All I want is for you to leave me alone before you blurt out one more nasty accusation. Now let me go," she demanded, finally finding her voice.

Christian did just that, defeated, as panic churned in the pit of his gut. He had accused her of being unfaithful. He had belittled her for her insecurities. And now she was going to clam up even more. Fuck! How did this go so wrong? He originally had the upper hand in this tug of war of theirs, but he blew it by giving in to his own silly insecurities.

Downstairs, they mechanically went through the motions at dinner, careful not to bump into each other or upset Teddy. Christian's every movement was contrite as he tried to give his visibly shaken wife some space. But he couldn't tear his eyes away from Ana as she ate dinner and spoke with Ted about his day, all while she tried to avert his piercing gaze. She deflected every benign question he asked of her, focusing instead on Teddy or the unpalatable food in front of her. She was cold, devoid of emotion, and his stomach twisted in remorse. The silent treatment was the worst kind of punishment she could give him.

In reality, Ana was just hurt and more afraid to speak up than ever. Maybe if she had just confessed her feelings like she should have in the beginning, none of this would've gotten so blown out of proportion. But now a wall had built up between them, and Ana was reluctant to let Christian back in. What if he mocks me once I tell him what this was all about? Dismisses me? Pretends to care when he really doesn't? A tear escaped Ana's eye but she wiped it before Christian could notice. He did see it, however, and it ripped his heart out.