Fighting the Losing Battle

Chapter 8 - Trying to Forget

Hello there! It's been a while, I know, and I apologise, but life is pretty hectic right now, and these chapters take much longer than those for my other stories. Anyway, chapter 8 is finally here - I hope you enjoy it! I know it's not perfect, and I'm not entirely happy with it, but the more I look at it, the less the words work, so I have decided to post it anyway for now. If necessary, I will change/edit bits later.

Unedited - Will be edited later (may contain spelling/grammatical mistakes)

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Enjoy - let me know what you think! X

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Kira POV

When I awaken, I realise instantly where I am.

And I realise that none of it was simply a terrible nightmare, like I kept hoping. It all happened. All of those awful, surreal events - the window, the hellish dogs, the cold steel of the gun at my head, whilst I lay on the cold stone - they all happened. I may have survived on my own in the world for the past year, but not anymore. I messed up, and now I must pay for my mistakes. They have caught me, and I can't see a way out this place, not now. There's no going back. It's all over. No more fighting, no more running, no more hiding.

I have lost.

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Lukas POV

Her arrival has changed everything.

First, the almost friendly conversation with Ryder - that would never have happened before today. Then the revelation of my feelings, of which I have never been more surprised. I swore an oath to myself, when I joined the team, never to grow attached to anyone ever again. Maybe the person I once was would have been prepared to fall in love, in fact I'm almost certain that I would have relished being in love, but I never found that 'one'. And what is the point in wasting time, in wasting precious emotions, on the wrong person? That person - I was always so sure that she was waiting out there for me, somewhere - never showed up, I never discovered her, until...now? But it's too late now, I have changed. I am not that person that I was. I can't allow myself to fall in love, not now. I have done bad things, so many bad things, and a lasting relationship, I believe, has to be formed with honesty, has to be based on trust, otherwise it will slowly destroy itself, hurting either or both parties involved. The last thing I can do nowadays is tell the truth. My life, my entire life, is a lie. I can't risk hurting her.

And then there's the tiny factor of her being the enemy. Yeah, I suppose that does complicate matters further...

On top of all of this, all of these changes, I received a message just a moment ago. A summoning, in fact. I didn't think I could take any more surprises today, but it turns out I was wrong. Because this message surprised me more than I thought anything ever could.

It carried the seal of Adrian, which immediately made me suspicious. I couldn't help but wonder why they have to dramatise every small detail - is it necessary to have a seal!? We aren't living in Victorian times! And why send a letter? Is it that difficult to talk to me in person?

I hurriedly broke the seal, and scanned the note - which didn't take long, at only a few words in length. It read, in an elegant script, 'My office. Now. A'. That's it. No explanation. No excuses. Just the expectation that I would obey.

No one ignores Adrian's demands, no matter how strange or confusing they are. And so that is how I find myself treading the unfamiliar path that leads to Adrian's office. The whole scenario feels so surreal, unreal - I feel as though I have been living a dream; this day feels like an illusion. But I know that, if this is a dream, I will have to wake up, at some point, and I'm not so sure that I want to do that. Not if it means that she is a figment of my imagination. Despite my situation, my irrepressible feelings, my irrational longing for her... Despite all of this, all of the heartache I am feeling for the girl I met only this morning, I want her to be real. I need her to be here now. I guess the pain doesn't matter as long as I can be around her... I yearn for the impossible. Why do I have to complicate everything?