Magazine Trouble

Magazine Bomb

Disclaimer: I have now taken over the world! BWAHAHA! But I have yet to take over Fairy Tail from Hiro Mashima, because he's too awesome. ( -_-). I also do not own Gollum from Lord Of The Rings.

WARNING: Kids, do not try this at home.

"Whoa, bitch can run!" Yelled Natsu as he looked behind while he and Team Natsu ran away from the fat bride. They have so far been running away from Lucy's landlady's good (or bad) twin sister for unfortunately around six hours. Even though all of Team Natsu was completely out of breath, there was still flames of determination in the eyes of the fat bride as she ran. Suddenly, Natsu looked sick.

"No way! You're getting sick just by running?!" Commented Lucy.

"Yep, and the ugliness of that fat bride," he said. Suddenly, spew sprayed all over the streets.

"Natsu, show some control!"

"Wait, at least that can distract the bride for awhile-" The bride then jumped over the puke puddle even better than a long jump dude can despite all the gross weight.

"GIVE ME BACK MY RING!"

"But we don't have the ring!" Yelled Lucy for the one hundredth time. Unfortunately, Lucy slipped from a bit of Natsu's puke and fell down onto the painfully paved streets of Magnolia.

"Lucy, NOOO!" Yelled Wendy as she looked back.

"Give me that scrunched up piece of paper," said the bride darkly as she held out her burger patty hands. Suddenly, there was a glimpse of white and gold rolling across the paved streets.

"Of course, the streets are sloped, so the ring's been rolling downhill..." thought Lucy.

"Wait, there's the ring!" yelled Lucy as she pointed towards the ring. The bride saw it and ran over to pick it up.

"Yes... My precious..." said the bride with a hint of insanity as she gently stroked the ring. Then the bride laughed at an insanely evil tone and pitch as she slowly faced team Natsu, eyes demonic looking. Finally, with one last evil chuckle of doom, she threw down a demon smoke bomb thing onto the ground before running away with the ring.

"Yep, she's the evil one."

"Alright! Time to destroy this f**king magazine!" Said Natsu as he faced the magazine and ignited his fist.

"Natsu, wait! The magazine's indestructible, remember? Luckily, another one of my friends can solve this!" said Lucy as she held out a silver key.

"Open, gate of the southern cross, Crux!" The silver levitating cross appeared before them.

"Crux, can you please examine this magazine and tell us how to destroy it?" Asked Lucy.

"Of course," said Crux as he meditated. Then snored. Suddenly, there was a loud beeping sound from the magazine before numbers floated above it, counting down like a ticking bomb.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!"

"Just as I feared. This brand of magazine is called bomber. The only way to destroy it is to put it into an extremely strong acid. However, exactly forty-nine hours after the purchase, the magazine will blow up."

"So you mean that the purchaser will get blown apart by a stupid magazine?!"

"Yes, all so to guarantee that the magazine won't get returned. Right now, you have thirty seconds," said Crux darkly.

"NOOO! I DON'T WANT TO GET BLOWN APART BY A MAGAZINE!"

"I WANT A SLICE OF STRAWBERRY CAKE!"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE A MAGAZINE CAN DO THIS!"

"NOOO, I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!"

"THERE'S TOO MANY SEVENS IN THIS SERIES!"

"Thanks, Crux, though," said Lucy as she closed his gate.

"I don't want it," said Erza as she tossed the magazine to Gray.

"Me neither," he said, tossing it to Natsu.

"Dammit, where to I throw this piece of shit?!" Then Natsu saw Doranbolt or Mest or whatever walking across the street.

"The only way to destroy it is to put it into an extremely strong acid."

"That's it! Yelled Natsu as she ran up to Doranbolt.

"DORANBOLT! EAT THIS!" Yelled Natsu as he ran to Doranbolt.

"H-huh?" Before Doranbolt knew it, the magazine was stuffed into his mouth. Out of surprise. Doranbolt swallowed the beeping magazine.

"Natsu! What the hell have you done?!" Yelled Erza while the magazine beeped faster in Doranbolt's stomach, reaching towards the climax of exploding.

"NOOO! DORANBOLT!" Yelled Wendy.

Suddenly, the magazine exploded as black smoke came out of Doranbolt's ears and mouth.

Doranbolt coughed up some bits of paper.

The magazine was done for.

The rest of Team Natsu were dumbfounded.

"N-no way..."

"Wait, let professor Happy explain," said Happy.

"You see, throughout the Fairy Tail series, Doranbolt has a strong stomach, as seen with the demonstration of Doranbolt eating snow, flowers, heads, ect, meaning that the hydrochloric acid in Doranbolt's stomach must be very strong. Earlier, Crux said the only way to destroy the magazine was to put it into strong acid, and hydrochloric acid is a strong type of acid, only the hydrochloric acid in Doranbolt's stomach is stronger. That's it from professor Happy today!"

There was an extremely awkward silence.

"I can't believe all this started because of a magazine..." said Lucy.

The End...

YAAY! I'm finally done with this fanfic! It was extremely fun to write this fanfic, (though there was a few weird moments,) and I give the credits that 'the magazine is actually a bomb' idea to my cousins.

Anyway, 'til next time, and remember:

I'm naturally CRAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" :P