The Pain of We (ON HOLD)

12

AN:

I am not depressed, nor have I ever been.

I'm not suicidal in anyway or self harm.

Towards the end of this chapter, Jarsen kind of vents and it really surprised me what I wrote, so... I guess I just thought you all should know that.

Carry on (my wayward son)

Raindrops on roses, and blood stains on linens,

Razors and long sleeves that keep my scars hidden,

Jumping off buildings like birds without wings.

These are a few of my favorite things.

...

You put your hand in mine, a motion that I should've found comforting. I nearly flinched from your touch, ready to dart.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I took an uneasy breath. "Sure, Jarsen, I'm doing great. I mean, I had a horribly scarring experience that most seventeen year olds don't ever have to think about, but that's okay. I'm constantly abused by my father and forced to run his errands and while most kids my age are able to worry about school and think about college, I'm paying bills and shopping and hoping to God my father isn't pissy when I get home. I'm doing great."

You glanced down at my wrist. I put my hands under the table.

You grabbed my arm and pulled down my sleeve, revealing all the cuts from last night, still fresh. You bit your lip, your eyes glossing over. "Your father didn't do this to you, did he?" I looked away from your stare. "Oh, God, Lark, I can't believe you would do this!"

I ripped my hand out of your grasp. "You do it, too," I muttered. "So why can't I?"

You looked shocked. You didn't know that I knew you cut. I've noticed, I pay attention to the minor details. I don't know why you cut. Your life is fantastic."

I stood up and walked off, holding my wrist in my hand.

...

My father didn't come home that night. I took this opportunity to clean the house and do the laundry.

Walking into the laundry mat I saw Hani.

"Hey, hot stuff," she said, smacking her lips with a piece of gum. "Long time, no see,"

I put my laundry in the washer. I dropped in a few quarters and sat down, putting a hand on my wrist. "I know. It's been a while. How have you been?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it's been alright. How have you been?"

"I've been fine." I lied. "Remember that boy I told you about?" There was no way I was going to tell Hani about the baby. No one needs to know about it. Ever.

Hani smiled. "Yeah. You two hook up? Oh my God! I knew you two would be cute together. Told'ya he liked you."

"Hani, we didn't hook up. I mean, we're dating, and the most we've done is kiss."

She smiled. "Still, that's more than I ever got with 'Zandrea. Apparent I was getting the wrong signals from her. Totally not into chicks. I guess she's not into anyone. One of them weird asexuals. I don't get it, how can someone not be interested in sex? It's literally one of the best feelings ever."

I smiled. Her experiences are much different than mine. Then again, everyone's is.

She stood up and switched over her laundry. "Anyway, will you fuck him?"