The Pain of We (ON HOLD)

17

The song I attached to this is mentioned in this chapter.

Enjoy

Skin tight dresses and higher than the sky heels. Eyelashes for miles and enough makeup to last a lifetime. Lips were red or black, the red ones heavily glossed. Hair was high with the smell of hairspray flowing off of the styles. Perfume was suffocating and I felt like the least slutty girl there.

The smell of pot was in the air, mixed with sweat and alcohol and beauty products. Music was pounding in my ears along with laughter and clacking shoes. Orange and green and purple lights hung everywhere a, along with cotton webbing. A few plastic skeletons hung from the walls, moved so they were in inappropriate poses.

The food was all Halloween themed, with a piece of ice the shape of a hand in one of the drink bowls. Candy was everywhere. Skeletons were decorated in icing on the cupcakes.

The music overhead stopped, and a remix of Walt Disney's Spooky Scary Skeletons started to play. You grabbed a soda and handed me a water. I smiled. "Thanks!"

You smiled. "Wanna dance?"

"Sure!"

We moved to the living room. All the couches and the coffee table were pushed to the sides of the room so the middle was the dance floor. A strobe light was flashing along with a few black lights.

We danced for awhile until going to check out the bonfire out back. Two people were smoking cigarettes, another smoking a joint. One person was poking the fire.

You and I sat down on one of the plastic chairs. I was thankful for the silence. My ears were starting to ring.

"What time do you need to be home?" You asked, sliding your hand to mine.

"I don't have to go home. Would your mom care if I spent the night?"

"Actually," you looked into the fire, "my mom is spending the night with her sister for her sister's birthday..."

"So... we'd be alone?"

You nodded, biting your lip. "Allllll aloooonnne."

I leaned in close to your ear, whispering. "Then what are we waiting for?"

You stood up fast, and together we ran to your car, ditching the party. Thriller played as we drove off.

...
We walked into your house, all the lights off, the whole house silent. You put a finger to your lips and led me upstairs.

You took me to your room, and we sat down on your bed. You started playing a song through your stereo, something that I'd never heard. It started with piano and slowly grew into something more.

"I think my dad fell asleep in the garage." You said, smiling, taking my hand in yours. You started to mess with my hand, looking at my fingers and the lines on my palm. "It's like we're all alone."

I took your hand and put my fingers to your wrist. Your heart was beating fast. You looked away, embarrassed.

I turned your head back to face me. "We are alone." I said, and kissed you. You laid down, running your hands all over.

I started to pull off your shirt and you stopped me. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, biting the corner of my lip. "I'm sure."

You pulled off my shirt and I looked down at my bra. It was old and falling apart, the color faded. I started to cry.

"Hey," you took my chin and lifted my head. "What's wrong?" You wiped a tear from my eye.

"It's just..." Did guys really care about your bra? Whether it was lacy or not? I've never been able to go out and splurge on bras and underwear, most of what I own coming off of the racks in Walmart.

You noticed me looking down. "It doesn't matter. Here, look," You pulled off your shirt, revealing dozens and dozens of thin scratches. Some were crisscrossed, others along in patches of slashes. "I've got my insecurities too." You took my hand, running your fingers over where I've been burned. "We both have scars. We just got them a little differently from each other."

"I'm sorry." My voice cracked and I cursed myself.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

I kissed your lips, wrapping my arms around your neck.

And we did it. And for once in my entire goddamn life I wasn't crying because I was scared. I was crying because I was happy. I wasn't afraid of the man on top of me. It didn't hurt. It wasn't rape.

It was sex. Just like what any two other teenagers do. Nice and easy, without any pain or harm. The motion never felt better.

I've never loved you more.

...
I remember all throughout school, they'll always told you to hang on to your virginity with your life, because once it's gone you can't get it back. But what they never told us is what to do if it's stolen from you. Rape. Does it count? Can you still call yourself a virgin? For years the thought has lurked in the back of my mind.

But none of that matters now.

What matters now is you.

Your room is one of those rooms that doesn't get completely dark, and I love you for that. There's a small red light from your stereo, and your alarm clock is red too. Something is glowing faintly somewhere in the dark, but it isn't bothering me. From outside, there's an orange glow from one of the streetlamps in one of your windows. In the other window, the road will light up as a car passes, but other than that it's black.

You fell asleep quickly, but I couldn't. My mind was still racing with thoughts. Good thought. But they kept me up.

Instead of just shutting my eyes and trying to sleep away my thoughts, I decided to watch you sleep. Your shoulders rose slightly, and your mouth twitched, your lips parted slightly. You breathed through your nose. I could only tell because every once in a while you would take a deep breath and I could hear you breath.

Your bangs would fall into your face and you would make a slight face, but leaving them be, until they started to bother you. Then you'd move your head and try to get them away with little movement. When that didn't work, you'd huff and switch positions so your bangs moved on their own.

It was very interesting to watch. Almost amusing.

And then, before I really knew it,

I was asleep.

Finally.

I wrote the sex scene like.... a month ago.

Idek.

A while ago and I really wanted to post it (and many more) after I wrote it but I couldn't.

Vote, Comment, Follow, Share!