Trigger

twenty five • trigger

The hospital is quiet.

Katherine and Jeffery's face have been pale ever since they've gotten here. The police tried to be as gentle as they could when breaking the news to them- the real reason behind the accident and Finn's suicide attempt- but nothing could make hearing that any easier. My mom had tried to talk to Katherine- tried to calm her down when she had broken down into tears at first- but eventually came back to comfort me when Katherine walked out for fresh air. Now she's back, frozen on the stiff chair of the hospital waiting room, her eyes expressionless.

Jeffery has had his head in his hands for the past ten minutes now, the only movement coming from him being the heavy, slow breaths that cause his ribcage to expand. Hannah and I, on the other hand, are restless. Hannah has done more than four laps around the floor, not able to sit still. My legs has been bouncing up and down for five minutes now- I know it's getting my mom angry, but luckily she doesn't say anything.

My parents were shocked, to say the least, upon hearing the story. My mom had made sure to hug me tight and cry while my dad made sure Hannah I were okay. It's been almost three hours since then, though, so now everyone has simply settled into a I-really-have-no-idea-what-to-think faze.

It's when the doctor enters the room that everyone moves at once- our heads snap up to look at the young man holding a clipboard in his hand. My hands begin to shake almost instantly from anticipation- the anticipation of whether or not this accident to haunt the victims enough to kill every single last one of them.

Katherine jumps to her feet, her eyes already wet. "Is he alright?"

"Mrs. Allen?" the doctor inquires, flipping through the sheet attached to the clipboard.

"Yes, yes," Katherine hurriedly replies. Jeffery stands up as well, placing a calming hand on her shoulder. "Is Finn okay?"

"Finn is alive."

That statement is enough to make everyone in the room release a breath of relief. I'm not sure how to feel- I want to be happy that Finn is alive, that his suicide attempt didn't work, but after everything he's done... I just don't know.

The doctor continues, "He's being put under a critical three day suicide watch, although he'll probably be having to stay longer due to his injury. I'm guessing his hand might have been shaking during his attempt, because the bullet didn't pierce straight through his temple. We still have to run a few tests to see which part of the brain was affected by the shot. Two people can see him now."

Katherine and Jeffery don't hesitate to follow the doctor down the hall. Hannah lets out a deep breath, running a hand through her hair and closing her eyes. Her head drops into her hands. What really catches my attention is when her shoulders begin to quake. I frown, reaching over to put my own trembling hand on her knee. "Hannah? Are you okay?"

Hannah shakes her head. That's when I see the tears running down her arm and her palms digging into eyes so hard I'm sure she's seeing spots. I gently pry her hands away from her face. "Hannah? Why are you crying?"

"I d-don't know."

I just hug her for what seems like hours. I don't even know when I begin to cry, but soon enough the two of us are sobbing into each other's shoulders and my mom is slowly leading us out of the hospital and into the car.

x

I stare at the room of my cottage blankly.

All my stuff is put away into the suitcase in my hand. The bed is made, the wardrobe is empty, and the windows are closed. I've been staying in this room for the past two months, and I'm not sure whether I should be happy or not to leave.

The police had spoken to us about what happened, and we told them everything. Richard was taken in for questioning- we haven't seen him since when Finn and him stopped us on the road. Finn is still in the hospital, and Katherine had called us to tell us that afterwards, the doctors are talking about possibly putting him in a mental facility.

My parents were more than happy to announce we're leaving tonight.

Hannah is currently helping to load things into the trunk of the car. The suitcase in my hand feels nonexistent. I've imagined this scenario many times- getting to leave, to forget about it all- but I never thought it would come. After all, I'm not only leaving Finn and his horrible acts behind- I'm also leaving Levi.

"Ready?"

I turn to look at my mom, who is offering me a soft smile. I nod, not sparing my room another glance as I make my way over to her. She kisses my forehead and takes my suitcase, wheeling it out. I keep my head down, not wanting to glance around this place anymore than I already have.

We're just about done loading up when I say, "I'll be right back."

My dad gives me a weird look. "Where are you going?"

"I just have to go somewhere. I'll be back in ten minutes."

My dad hesitantly nods. I turn and sprint back to the direction of my cottage, passing the swing set to disappear into the trees. I slow down then, making my way to the clearing near the edge of the tree line. When I get there, I break down into tears all over again.

The shooting range.

The blood that had pooled from Levi's head is gone now, but I could still imagine it, the horrific smell and feel of it. God, it's not fair. None of this is far. Levi died trying to get away from guilt that had completely destroyed him when in the end, Levi hadn't even done anything at all. None of this was his fault. None.

I miss him.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to forget this summer. I don't know if I want to. Forgetting this summer means forgetting Levi Collins. Forgetting the three things I first noticed about him- his pale lips, warm brown eyes and pearly white teeth. If Finn hadn't done the unthinkable, if he hadn't lied then- who knows. Maybe I would have fallen in love with Levi.

For now, I'll love his memory. It'll haunt me forever, I know. The memory of the boy who was the victim of one too many crimes. The memory of the boy who tried so hard to be normal but couldn't beat the demons his own mind had created.

The memory of the boy who pulled the trigger.

xxx

Realllly short (sorry about that) but there's not much to add :/ But anyway, the next chapter is the epilogue and that's it, Trigger is over :'( thank you to everyone who has stuck with this and showed me such great support. it really means a lot to me to know that people have enjoyed my writing. it's hard to believe that two years ago i could barely make it past five chapters into a book, and now i'm finishing my fifth one c': i love you all so so much, comment and vote! (: xoxo