Back To Brookes // back to barnes bk2

6: the barnes'

      As much as I tried to feign being able to bounce back mentally after what happened with Wade, ending with catching Agent Hill's eye as we fled the scene, I was a mess. It was days of sitting on the dryer as Bucky made breakfast and attempted to talk to me as I stared at my feet, eyes glazed over.

Today was no different.

Bucky stood beside me, right hip propped against the washer beside me as he tapped his left pointer finger on his glass of milk, looking out the small window behind me. I was looking straight ahead, out at the front door, posture poor and feet slightly swinging.

My head swarmed with thoughts so horrifying I could've drowned in them. I was worried about us being found. I was worried about Maria telling someone she saw us. I was worried about the employees or costumers spilling what they saw. I was worried someone followed our path back. I was worried that at any moment, Hydra agents or SHIELD agents or both would break down the door and shoot us both dead. Worried they would take Bucky. Worried they would take me. Worried  that my worry was breaking down every bit of sanity I clung to, and I clung to it so tightly.

I jumped at Bucky's bionic hand on my knee. "Maisie Jo, you're okay. We're okay. I will protect you."

"So you see the possibility, then?" I retaliated, breaking my gaze to look at him, his brows furrowed.

He hesitated, just studying me. "Yes. Yes, I see the possibility. I have since day one. But we'll be okay. At last resort, Steve has our backs."

I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut. "Yeah . . . Yeah, I know . . . Sorry, I'm thinking too much."

"You're allowed to feel insane for a while, darling. I'm not saying otherwise. Feel crazy, feel like you can't do it, feel like a monster, okay? And know that I'll be here every second of it . . . And you're safe." He pressed his thumb into the center of my knee, squeezing it reassuringly.

I smiled slightly, pulling his hood up over his head and him returning the favor. "You are quite the poet."

He winked as he took a swig from his glass. "I had practice. Holding your hand and telling you you'd be okay when I knew you couldn't hear me . . . It's good practice."

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't relate. I felt heartbroken knowing I wasn't mentally there to listen to him. All I remembered was sudden fits of rage building like a fire in my gut, seeing nothing, but hearing myself scream. And now all I wanted to do was hear him. Just him. I pulled him close and kissed him slowly.

After he pulled away, I tugged my heavy coat closer to my body in the cold, I looked at my feet again. "Have you ever thought about marriage?" I asked quietly, worried his answer would be too much for me to handle.

He stayed quiet for a good thirty seconds, then chuckled. "Since I've recovered? Yeah, I have."

I looked the small smile on his face and tilted my head absentmindedly. "Then let me be more specific: What do you think about marriage?"

Bucky couldn't contain a bigger smile, not responding.

"That doesn't answer my question at all." I shook my head, raising my eyebrows.

He just held out his hand, helping me off of the old dryer and leading me to the closet. He sat his glass on the floor and motioned for me to sit on the bed. I did gladly, quickly wrapping the blanket around my lap.

He knelt down, tucking his unkempt and rapidly growing hair behind his ears and grabbing the bag with our ID's and credit cards. From it he pulled a manila envelope and then sat next to me. "So like I explained, who we really are - Maisie Brookes and James Barnes - don't really exist in government records right now. We're not exactly dead, just wiped from all files except SHIELD's. Steve convinced someone in SHIELD it helped keep both of us protected. But because of that, we truly became James Detrych and Johannah Castillo. Our birth certificates, thumb prints, blood types, all switched to our new names. And Steve made another part of our identities change in order to throw any suspecting person off our trail just a little more."