Close As Strangers // c.h.

27

You're going to hate me

*TrIgGeR wArNiNg*

*Calum's POV*

I sit on the bathroom floor.

Red streaking both my forearms.

'Please just make it stop!' I yell in my head, wincing as I make yet another cut on my arm.

Dear whoever finds this,
I'm sorry.
I just can't be strong anymore.
It's been two weeks and I just cannot manage anymore. I just can't take a breath without having a thought of her, thinking about my future or what I'm about to do.
Please just don't miss me, don't cry for me.

I wipe off the blood that is around me on the floor and counter, then walk out of the bathroom to make sure there is no one in the house. Mali said that she's going to Lizzie's for the night and her, Gabby, and Lizzie are going to bond. My parents are both out of town on business.

I don't need anyone in the house with me right now.

To my parents,
I couldn't have asked for a better ones.
Mum, when I was little you were always there to wipe my tears and make sure I was alright when I fell down or got hurt. I'm sorry that there is nothing you can do for me now, but you need to accept that this is something that I want, and I feel I need.
Dad, you taught me to build up walls around my heart, to hide my emotions from the world, well I did. I did for so long and I held up so well, I thought I was making you proud. But when Ren came along she slowly started taking a sledgehammer to them, and the slowly made their way to the ground. I still had some of those walls standing up until the funeral. The minute I finished my speech, every single block you had taught be to build, crumbled to the ground. Something inside me broke that day.

I make sure every window in my house is closed and I lock the front door, making sure that one of the boys can't get in. I go back to my room and set my letter on my bed along with a picture of the band, the girls, Ren and I the day we all went to the All Time Low concert.

I let a tear slip down my cheek and I take one last look at the room I grew up in. Grabbing the picture of Ren and I from off my desk, I head back to the bathroom.

To Mali,
I know I said that I would be your rock forever, and I'm so sorry that I have to break that promise, I just hope you are able to forgive me someday. I know that it was you and me against the world from the first day we met, but I know for a fact that you are strong enough to beat the world on your own, I've seen you do it before. If you ever miss me, just know that I'm happy and you deserve to be to. Please don't cry for me, in fact, when at my funeral, tell everyone that I love them and that I'm happy. Be the rock for everyone that I can no longer be, give them closure on what has happened.

I start to dig through the medicine cabinet, looking for the prescription pain killer my mother was prescribed to a few months ago. My mum never threw stuff like this out, just in case. That philosophy is my advantage today.

I snatch them and set the bottle on the counter.

Dear Lizzie and Gabby,
I'm so happy we became best friends. You two are some of the most sarcastic, amazing, and nice girls that I have ever met. Thanks to Ren, we became so close and I felt like I could talk to either of you about anything.
Gabby - You are one of the most stubborn people on this planet, but that's a good thing. I have always admired you for standing up for what you believe in. You were always so strong, and honestly you and Ashton are perfect, don't let anything get in your way.
Lizzie - I wish you would have talked to us sooner. I know you went to school with us since year 5 and I wish you would have given each other a chance sooner. But either way, I love that we are so close and your smile always made my day a bit better. Make sure Luke is happy, you make him happy, don't let him sink.