Truthful, Beating Heart

Chapter Five

After Tony left, I tried to fall asleep. I couldn't. Too much was running through my head. Tony. My inability to see. My dad. It was all too much. As I became overwhelmed my heart thundered in my chest synchronized perfectly with the machine. Beep. Beep. Beep I tried to breathe deeply but that didn't work. I felt helpless and desperate. I remember what Tony had told me once after I'd had a nightmare. I was about seven years old and I woke up screaming. I automatically called my best friend.

"Whenever I have a nightmare, I close my eyes and think of something peaceful," he had said. "Like the lake early in the morning or the night sky or a field full of flowers. Before I know it I'm fast asleep, dreaming about good things." I smiled at the memory from so many years ago. He had stayed up with me all night telling jokes, stories and laughing with me. He promised to stay on the line. I finally fell asleep with the phone in my hand. When I woke up, he was still there, snoring loudly. My heart warmed at the thought of our friendship and I found that my heart's beating had slowed down just by thinking of that happy moment in my life.

My stomach grumbled to let me know that it was dinner time. I reached out to push the button for the nurse but I didn't ever touch it. I was blind now, yes. But did that mean that I had to rely on everyone to do things for me? No. Determiation raced through my veins. I fumbled around my bedside until my hand brushed across the Jell-O that I had refused to eat earlier that morning. I, not wanted to spill, gingerly picked up the cup and spoon. It was harder than I thought. When I felt the Jell-O's resistence against the tip of the spoon I made a scooping motion. I brought the spoon to my mouth and was discouraged to find the spoon empty.

That single failure intensified my determination and I tried again. When I tip of the spoon touched the Jell-O's surface, I dug it in farther and tried to scoop some out. Again, the spoon was empty. My determination lessened a tiny bit and I started to doubt that it was possible. I tried it once more and was proud to find a small amount of Jell-O sitting in the spoon. I swished it around in my mouth and swallowed it.

My mother and Tom walked in when I was concentrating on my third spoonful. I now had a taste of victory and I wanted more. My mom said in her concerned voice,

"Honey, I will call the nurse." Her tone was sad and she obviously didn't believe that I would be able to feed myself yet. I proved her wrong and when I smiled at her with a mouthful of Jell-O, she rushed to my bed and hugged my tight. "Oh Erin," she said, "I'm so proud of you."

It may seem strange that I felt so amazing after such a small victory. After all, there was a much harder and longer fight ahead of me. But I felt like I was on top of the world. It was as if I was spitting in the face of blindness saying, "See? You can't stop me because I won't let you!" I knew life would be different. I knew it was going to take a lot of adjusting but I was willing to do it all because now that I had eaten that Jell-O, my heart told me that it was possible. And for once, I trusted it.

Note from Abby: Sorry! Short, unedited chapter. I won't wait so long to put the next one up! Hopefully before the weekend! Feel free to leave a comment! (: Thanks for reading!