All These Miles...

The New Age

"I showed up in L.A. with $500 and a backpack and I stayed at a shelter, so nobody handed me anything. I worked for every single thing that I have." ~ Jared Leto

Mikey and I didn't have a lot growing up, that much is certain.  If you grew up in Jersey, you knew what it meant to grow up with nothing but fear and make the most of it.  We lived in an old shack of a house, with just a tiny 2 x 1 window in my bedroom.  It was dark, and you couldn't just go outside and play, you'd be killed or kidnapped... or kidnapped and then killed.  Growing up, me and Mikes turned to indoor activities, we got really into horror films, b-rated shit and Dungeons and Dragons... stuff like that.  I started drawing at a young age, and I found a real talent in it, a future.

We got lucky to come to Princeton.  I'm not even sure how we managed it... my parents weren't rich or anything, and fucking Ivy League??  Yet still, we got here.  We weren't really Grade A students at all, but I never quit.  I wanted to make sure Mikes got everything.  It was hard, honestly, and often times I wanted to give up, but I never did.  It paid off in the end; Mikes and I have a nice place and are getting a good education.  If I could only manage to get Mikey to go to school like he's supposed to.  He's always been my rock when times got rough, but now he's falling off the bandwagon and it's scaring me.  Every time I come home from school or work to see him passed out drunk on the couch still in his boxers, I feel like I've failed him.  I've done everything for him, but I still feel like I didn't do enough.  I've been tempted to send him into rehab... try to get him back into the swing of things, but I don't know if I could do that to him.  He'd think I betrayed him and I don't know how I can deal with that.

I stared at Mikey, sprawled in the recliner and halfway on the floor with an empty Coors next to his hand.  I walked over to him and picked him up by his pits, and dragged him across the floor to the couch.  I laid him on it and covered him with the spanish weave that draped over the back of the couch.  I sat down beside him, stroking his hair softly, internally sobbing because I couldn't help but feel the failure rise up in my throat.  I really needed to get him straight, but I didn't know how I was supposed to.  He was lost, and I failed him as his big brother.  I was desperate.  It's been weeks since he had a solid attendance and I knew that if he kept it up then all that we worked for would disappear.  My biggest fear as of now is that he'll decide to drop out... I don't think he would do that to me, considering I worked so hard to put him through school, but I know he thinks about it.

Mikey's girlfriend, Alicia... she died... overdosed at a party when they were still in high school.  He was so in love with her, and I'm sure he still is.  Her death absolutely ruined him.  It's been two years, but it's obvious that he's never stopped grieving over her.  After all this time though, he refuses to tell me the story as to what happened.  I doubt that he ever will, and it makes it harder to try to help him.

I twiddled my thumbs together and bit hard into my lip, my brows furrowing in concern as I stared at my baby brother.

How do you help someone who doesn't want any help at all?  I feel powerless... all the time.  I've done all I can possibly think of, but nothing I do can fill the void that Alicia left.

I would never be able to save my brother.

~.~

[Frankie] - 8:53 pm

Hey, what's up?

I wasn't expecting his text tonight.  In honesty I wasn't exactly in the mood to talk to him either, or anyone for that matter.  I put my phone back down on the counter and turned back to the ramen I was boiling on the stove.  I'm not sure how but I always seemed to fuck up everything I cooked, including ramen.  Mikey was the real cook of the household, but given his being asleep for the past four hours and god knows how much longer, I manned the stove tonight.

I felt wrong for not replying to Frank, but I knew I would just start balling right then and there to him.  He didn't need that from me, especially considering we'd only been hanging out for a week now.  With Mikey the way he's been, I haven't paid much attention to other people besides him.  Hell I hardly even manage to take care of myself.  I can't even remember when the last time I actually put on deoderant.

Out of curiosity now that the topic was brought up I took a whiff of my underarms.

Jesus Christ.

I needed a shower obviously.

My phone vibrated again on the counter and scared me nearly half to death.  I looked over to the screen.

[Frankie] - 9:02 pm

You busy, man?  I haven't heard from you since last night.

I reached to my phone and hesitated to unlock it.  I sighed and tugged at the dry skin of my lip with my teeth.

[Me] - 9:03 pm

Yeah, I mean it's been a hell of a day.

I put the phone down and backed away from the counter, my hands gripping the counter opposite.  I stared at the dots showing that Frank had seen my text and was typing back.  I knew I was in for him questioning me... I shouldn't have said it's been a bad day, I really shouldn't have.

[Frankie] - 9:03 pm

You alright?

He made it easy enough.

[Me] - 9:04 pm

Yeah I'll be good, just needed to relax a little bit.

[Frankie] - 9:04 pm

Okay so what's up?

[Me] - 9:05 pm

Not much, obviously not any dicks.

[Frankie] - 9:05 pm

Sure about that ;)?

Oh Jesus... not now... god not now.

[Me] - 9:06 pm

I don't see any around here.

[Frankie] - 9:08 pm

I can fix that.

[Me] - 9:11 pm

Then hurry that little ass over here and prove it.

That ought to change the mood a little... hopefully.  Don't get me wrong, I like Frank, he's fucking gorgeous and fun to be around, but with Mikey the way he is I wasn't exactly "in the mood".

My phone buzzed again and I unlocked it to see what Frank had said.

[Frankie] - 9:14 pm

Awh but I'm having dinner with my mom :(

[Me] - 9:15 pm

Serves you right for trying to turn me on.  Should have known better that I'd have wanted to taste those pretty lips of yours ;)

Good.  Problem avoided.

I put my phone down and picked up the bowl of ramen that I had abandoned fifteen minutes ago.  I walked over to the couch and turned on the tv.  Watchmen was already in the Blu-Ray so I might as well watch it while Mikey was still unable to bitch to me about me watching it again.  I looked over at my brother, his quiet purring while he slept making the world seem not as overwhelming anymore.