Qadr-They were destined to be one!

complications

There are various ways to perform isthigfar prayer one of which is as follows:
Namaz-e-Isteghfar

The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.s.) said:

If your sustenance reduces and you have difficulties in your affairs you must remove them by asking your needs from the Almighty with the help of Namaz and Isteghfar. Namaz-e-Isteghfar is two rakats. In each rakat after Surah Hamd recite Surah Qadr once and then say Astaghfirullaah 15 times. Then go into the ruku and after the recitation of the ruku say Astaghfirullaah 10 times. Rise up from the ruku and again say it 10 times. Go into the first Sajdah and after the recitation of the Sajdah say Astaghfirullaah 10 times. Arise from the first Sajdah and again say Astaghfirullaah 10 times. Go into the second Sajdah and repeat like the first Sajdah. Get up from the second Sajdah and say Astaghfirullaah 10 times. In the similar manner complete the second rakat and conclude the prayer. Insha Allah everything would be all right.
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After I texted zee. I went on to offer my Isha prayers. I recalled the conversation I had with zee. There was this guilt every time I texted him . I couldn't explain it to him, but a part in me was stopping me from opening up . I could not control the evil in me. I tend to reply when he texts me . Something in me tells he is going to my husband anyways . But that won't make up for the fact that 'He is not my husband ' as of now. A lot of emotions were conflicting,when I was raising a supplication to the almighty to turn this engagement into a nikah so that my sins be reduced as much as possible. After offering isha prayers I prayed 2 rakahs of isthigfar prayers to wash away my sins and asking for forgiveness.As I lay my head in prostration, my tears wouldn't stop . I cried so hard for all the sins I have been committing and the one's I have committed. I opened up myself in front of Allah, at the end of the day ,He is our Creator .He would take the best decision for each of his creation. I kept repenting until my mind attained some peace.

After offering Isthigfar, I read surah yasin which is referred as the heart of the Qur'an , the surah which gives me immense pleasure while reading ,it gives me an inexpressible peace ,I feel as if my soul has been cleansed. Finally, my mind could attain the peace it longed for ,not completely though.
I read all the dua's to be read before sleeping and dozed off after conveying salam to mom.

The following day as I was fixing my hijab before leaving to college , I got a message from zee.

"assalamualikum humaira!!how are you doing this morning? "

"walikum salam zee. I may be doing fine. alhamdulilla. "

" okay? you seem to be mad about something . would you mind sharing it with me?"

" I said I am fine okay?"

" what's the matter?why you being rude to me?"

"nothing zee. I'll text you later. bye "

with that I slipped my phone into my bag and left to college.
A while later , when I was sitting in the bus ,I gazed outside the window ,totally lost in thoughts. I wasn't being fair with him .It wasn't his fault . He didn't deserve this treatment. I was so ashamed for the way I texted him a while back.

I took out my phone to see 5 missed calls and 30 watsapp messages ,all from zee. He just asked one question thirty times.

"humaira, what did I do? please tell me!"

" zee! I am sorry !you don't deserve this !it isn't your fault at all. I am just made at myself. I want to convince dad to avoid an engagement and keep the nikah directly. I feel so helpless"