Scintilla

natsukashii.

natsukashii

(adj.) of some small thing that brings you suddenly, joyously back to fond memories, not with a wistful longing for what's past, but with an appreciation of the good times

"I don't know if I should say..." I trailed off. I didn't exactly know where Jaxx and I stood or if we were in full disclosure or if what we told each other, especially what she told me, was meant to be kept between us.

"Come on, aren't you supposed to present this in front of class anyway? What's the difference if you tell me?" He made a point. Why don't I just tell him? It was just Jaxx anyway. It's not like she meant anything to me.

Dumbass, you kissed her.

Yeah, so what?

"Fine. She talked about her music. She made a great point about it though and-"

"Blah, blah, blah, Gerard Way speaks to me so much. Why did MCR ever have to break up?" He teased in a girly voice. "Whatever man, that girl listens to death. So predictable."

"What? You don't like MCR?" I asked him. I've heard him play their CD in his car before.

"Of course I do, but that doesn't mean I live by them. I bet she just does it for the image, you know. The whole 'I don't give a fuck if people hate me because at least they're giving me attention' look." Calum laughed lightly next to me when he couldn't be more wrong about her. Everyone was wrong about her.

"Just fuck off." We arrived at the school and he parked next to Luke's car, just as Luke and Michael stepped out of it.

"What's up?" Luke asked as we walked through the school's parking lot and into the school.

"Jaxx dropped off for a visit at Ash's house." Calum informed them.

"For the French project, I hope." Michael laughed.

"They French-ed alright. In more ways than one." Calum snickered, to which I flicked him on his forehead.

"You made out?" Luke smirked.

"It was just a kiss, man. Drop it. It's whatever." Just then, I heard a locker slam a few feet ahead of us, but the culprit was gone before any of us had seen who it was.

The rest of the day had gone swell, but when it came to French class, Jaxx wasn't there. It was probably not unusual, but it worried me. Come to think of it, I hadn't seen her at her locker this morning either.

"Are you riding with me?" Calum asked after practice.

"Nah. I gotta work this afternoon." I declined and he left with a nod.

On the way to the pizzeria, a motorcycle pulled up next to me.

"Jaxx?" I squinted under the sun when she took her helmet off.

"Get on." She ordered, handing me a helmet.

"I have a shift at the-"

"Get. On."

I took the helmet from her hands with a sigh and climbed on behind her.

"Where are we going?" I yelled over the loud roar of the engine.

"Just shut up." I shut up after that and let her take me wherever. We came up to the park we were at yesterday. I followed her as she took a seat on the bench. She pulled out her recorder and placed it on the space between us.

"When I was 3, my mom left my dad and I. I didn't know what was happening and thought she just went on a business trip. It must've been a long ass business trip because she came back when I was 14. I barely even recognized her. My dad was a sucker so of course he took her back. She tried to pursue a relationship with me, but I wasn't having it. She left again the same year because according to her, I was just making her sad. She came back again after two years. I didn't speak to her at all and I still barely speak to her now. Trust is a hard thing to give, Irwin, but it's so easy to take and throw away. I don't speak much because I don't trust anyone in this stinking town except for Tracy. I don't trust people with myself. It's too much of a risk to get hurt." She finished with a sigh.

"Why weren't you at school today?" I asked quietly.

"I was at school today. I just- I didn't feel like going to classes."

Suddenly, I remembered the girl who slammed their locker.

"You were the one." I spoke a little loud and she returned with a confused look. Cute.

"The one who slammed their locker."

"Oh, yeah." She looked down at her shoes, instead of straight ahead like she had been doing.

"Why?"

"I was angry."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Because of you!" She blurt out and she quickly covered her mouth with her hand.

"What? What did I do?" I began to recall the events that occurred this morning and remembered nothing of significance.

"Never mind. I said what I had to say and now I'm leaving." She stood up and brisk walked to her motorcycle, but before she could get on, I had grabbed her chin in my hand.

Our faces were merely centimeters apart, almost as if we were going to kiss. Wait. Kiss..

"The kiss. You heard what I said to the guys." I concluded and she sighed and stared at the ground.

"It's whatever." She mumbled.

"No, it's not whatever."

"You said so yourself, Ashton."

"You called me Ashton." She looked up at me now.

"That's your name isn't it? Would you rather I call you Irwin for the rest of your life?"

"Why are you mad about the kiss?" I changed the subject. I liked how my name sounded rolling of her lips, but Irwin was much better. It was our thing.

"Because! You come into my life and make me talk about personal things and do personal things then you decide it's whatever. You're no different from my mother and everyone else in my life before they find out the real me. That kiss made me remember. It made me remember what used to be. It brought me back to memories I tried so hard to forget." She sniffled.

I was dumb founded. "Were they good memories, at least?"

"The best ones." She smiled a little and I don't think I'd ever seen Jaxx Springsteen smile before.

"Happy looks good on you." I smiled back at her.

"Who says I'm happy?" In a snap, her poker face was back and she was quickly getting on her motorcycle and riding off, leaving me at the park.

"I'm so fucked." I said to myself and began the way home, forgetting all about my work shift.

••
arzaylea sucks balls (luke's balls) i actually hate her so much and it's so annoying how everyone assumes it's only because she's luke's girlfriend and I'm supposedly jealous, but that's not even close to the reason why like yeah I'm sad that luke has a girlfriend and I cried about it but we all knew it was gonna happen eventually but arzaylea is so fucking shady and such an attention seeker I want to rip her eyebrows out as claw her with her nails did she even think about how the fam would feel if she posted that picture??? bryana hasn't even done anything as bad as she has and she's been dating ashton longer than arzaylea's been "dating" (using) luke then she tweets shit like she's the victim??? who the f do you think you are motherf I literally cried in the middle of a train station when I opened my instagram and it was the first thing I saw

-gabby