Cease or Desist

chapter 5

Rick showed me the yard and the garden.

"WOW, you started all of this by yourself?" I couldn't believe it. "Well," he leans back, shifting his weight onto one leg, "Hershel basically showed me how to do everything. Also my son helped a lot. I am so proud of him." he smiles. "You have a son? Which one is he?" I ask thinking of the kids we saw in D block. Rick looks at me, "Actually he is the one that brought you here. HIs name is Carl." I had my suspicions, that boy did look alot like the man in front of me. "He looks like his father." I smile at him. He looks at the ground and laughs dryly, "If you met his mother you probably wouldn't be saying that." I recognize the sadness in his eyes, he must have lost her. I try and comfort him, "I'm so sorry. I understand." He looks up at me "Yeah I guess you do."

We stand there for a moment staring at the brightness of the well maintained garden in front of us, both of us remembering our deceased spouses. After a few seconds Rick nods, then looks up at me. I meet his gaze. We have a small moment there. "Hey, It's almost dinner time. Why don't you go get settled in a bit, then met out front at one of the picnic tables for supper. Carol usually does a good job at working with what we have." I just nod at Rick's suggestion, "That sounds good." I can feel the numb feeling slowly creep back.

We walk back to the gates and we go our own ways. Rick waves and I smile back.

Once my head is turned my face goes flat. All my memories flashing before me so fast I can't distinguish them. My body goes cold as I pick up the pace back to my cell.

Getting inside I slam my body onto the bed, my face diving into the flat pillow.

I can't cry. I want to so badly. It would make me feel at least a little better. But I just can't.

I sit there staring at my wall. The numbness completely taking over. I don't know how long I have been sitting here.

There is a knock on the entrance of my cell. "Hey, how are you holding up? Dinner is ready. Are you coming?" It's Carol. I sit up and look at her. Showing all the emotions, or rather lack of emotions, that I was feeling. She sits down next to me. "Hey, what's bothering you?" she wraps an arm around me and rubs my back slowly. It helps a bit. "I just don't know If I can do this." As soon as the words leave my mouth tears start falling. She sits there until I calm down. "Now, you have got to be strong. If that means you need to cry yourself to sleep, then do it. You can't let yourself get to this point, don't let yourself get numb to everything. You can't afford to get like that. Not anymore." I look at her. She is completely serious. I nod "I think I can do that." Carol rubs my back a little more, than stands. "Now, you have some new people to meet. They are just outside. Now you come out when you are ready, and if meeting a bunch of new people doesn't excite you, dinner is out there too." I smile at her. I like Carol. " I'll be up there in a bit. No worries." She smiles at me, then turns to leave. "Oh wait Carol." she turns, "Yes love?" I giggle a little at the pet name, "could you show me how to use the shower, Rick got me all excited, then said I had to have a lady show me the ropes, so I guess that's rule number one." She smiles a large genuine smile. "Sure thing." She now turns and taps the door frame two times before walking out.

I sighed and thought about what Carol said. It was going to be hard. But I have to try. During the day I need to keep my mind occupied and thinking positive. Maybe I could see if Rick and I could become a thing. He is really sexy, but also cute.

I giggle at the thought of having a real relationship. The whole idea seems so strange to me now. I mean with all the world going crazy, but even without that. I haven't been on a first date or even liked anyone else in a little over 6 years now. Though flirting with Rick seemed to just come naturally. Oh well. I don't need to be worried about this stuff tonight. Dinner is ready and I better get my butt out there before it gets cold.
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Hey! Sorry school started up again :( I'm actually in my econ class right now :P anyway, hope you like!