The Art of Losing Yourself

Prologue

A few weeks ago I found out that the emotion I had hidden from the world. Was finally back, and all because she deeply cared for someone on the team. The emotion was affection/love, and I still can't believe she was falling for BeastBoy. Or more importantly I was falling for him.

I was supposed to be Raven, the dark girl on the team. The girl who drinks tea, and reads books, always hiding in her room. I'm not supposed to be the kind of girl that falls for the guy that is exactly my complete opposite. But of course that's the girl I am, and honestly I hate it. Although at the same time I don't.

Ever since I was born I learned that I wasn't supposed to feel love or be loved. So there were a lot of doubts, knowing that he probably wouldn't feel the same way. However, I wanted to tell him and I wanted to do it now. Before what courage I had in me was all gone.

As I stepped out of my bedroom I walked down to his, I stood outside his door not knowing what to say. Should I start out with it right away and leave? Or explain and see if he feels the same way? As I was stuck in my thoughts BeastBoy had opened the door and upon seeing me smiled. Affection was beaming inside my head.

"Hey Raven, what's up?" I swallowed. Why was I so nervous it's such a simple sentence. 'I have to tell you BeastBoy, I um like you'
"Hellloooo Raaavvveeen? Anyone there?" He was waving his hand in front of my face. "What?" I asked. "Well I just asked why you were at my door, and you just I guess zoned out." Stupid, you zoned.

"Actually I came here to tell you something." This was it, my heart was beating rapidly in my chest. "Yeah you can tell me anything Raven." "Okay so um, one of my emotions has come back. And it's kind of hard to explain really." I looked down at my feet and bit my lip. I resisted the urge to lift my hood up over my head. "What emotion, personally happy is my favorite." I smiled, but then quickly dropped it. "Well um it was affection or more commonly known as love." "Oh that's great Raven, I mean who do you um like that made her come back?" This was it. "Because I like...." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!?" "TERRA????"

BeastBoy and I took off towards the front door to see Terra and the rest of the titans. When she saw BeastBoy she smiled, and gave him a big hug. "What are you doing here?" She smiled up at him. "I'm back BeastBoy, I remember everything and I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be so terrible to you. I miss you." BeastBoy smiled and I felt my heart clench, but when she kissed him and he kissed back. Something inside me died.

And that something, was a someone. Affection was dying, and in her place grew jealously, depression, hate, and loss. I lost the one person who could actually make me smile, to her. And I couldn't help but feel like I had died as well.

I left for my room as fast as I could, shutting the door closed feeling a single tear fall down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away, I shouldn't cry over him. He's the one who hurt me, and she's the one who is breaking me. I ran into my bathroom and looked at my reflection. I should've known, he would never go for a girl like me. Terra is way better, she's perfect. While me I'm nothing compared to her.

I picked up a razor inspecting it before I rolled up my sleeve. Knowledge was telling me this wouldn't help, but I didn't care. I needed something to get rid of all this emotional pain. And when I made that first cut, is when everything started to fall apart. As I slowly began to lose myself.

A/N THIS IS JUST AN IDEA, I rather hear from whoever is reading this if I should in fact continue. If you like this story, please say so in the comments and I will make sure to make a new chapter. Promise. Now thank you whoever is reading this, personally I have dealt with self harm. And still have a struggle. However I am not in any way shape or form promoting self harm. I am merely telling a perspective of depression and the true devil that self harm is. Now I hope you all enjoyed this. Goodbye everyone, have a nice day I hope.
~Jordan