The Art of Losing Yourself

Chapter Three

A few weeks had passed since Raven harmed herself. And the razor looked more and more inviting everyday. The weeks that followed were torture, Terra was everyone's main focus. It was as if Raven wasn't even here anymore. No one came to her room to ask her if she wanted dinner, they no longer invited her to hang out with them. It was as if she was invisible, as if she didn't matter. And that just made everything worse. As the days grew longer and her secret grew stronger. Raven knew she couldn't continue with this much emotional distress.

Raven's P.O.V
  Everything hurt. My whole body felt as if it were aching. I wanted so badly to take that razor to my skin once again. But I forced myself not to. I know that this is not healthy and that it won't help with what I'm going through. But at the same time, it's more understanding that my own friends.

I picked up the razor again, inspecting it. Not giving it a second thought I sliced it once again into my skin. A single tear fell down my cheek, but I felt utter relief.

My stomach growled as I sat alone in my room. I haven't eaten in days, but I didn't care I just didn't want to do anything anymore. Taking all of my strength I sat back down on my bed and curled into a ball under the blankets. I just wanted everything to stop, all of the pain, all of the ache, everything hurt. I wanted to sleep forever, it's not like anyone would miss me anyway.

Eventually I fell asleep, with tear stained cheeks and a ripped up room.

BeastBoy's P.O.V
Honestly dating Terra isn't as great as I thought it would be. She just isn't interesting, she is too clingy and it feels more like she is my sister. But I don't know how to tell her, so I quietly sit here with my arm around her watching a movie.

As always she fell asleep during the beginning, which always pisses me off.
I sighed, looking around the room. Robin was out on a date with Starfire, Cy was working on the T-Car, and Raven...well I don't know. I haven't talked to her at all in the last few weeks. I was angry with her but now I just felt really bad. I had to apologize.

Carefully I put Terra down on the couch while the movie blared in front of her face. I walked down to Raven's room and slowly knocked. "Hey Raven, it's me, BeastBoy. I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but I just want to say I'm sorry." There was no answer. That's weird, she usually answers. "Uh Rae?" I put the code for her room in, I got the code when I was eavesdropping all of the Titans.

I heard slight snoring and saw Raven curled up in a ball on her bed. Her room was ripped to shreds and I couldn't help but feel worried. I walked over and looked at her sleeping face. My worrying intensified, 'has she been crying?' I haven't seen her in weeks and she looks super tiny. The other Titans and I thought she snuck out at night and ate food but it looked like she hasn't eaten at all.

I sat down on her bed with my face full of worry. I don't know what's wrong but for some reason I can't help but want to make it all better. I couldn't help but feel differently for Raven, I wanted to know why she hasn't come out of her room. I wanted to see her face again and hear her sarcastic remarks all the time. But I knew she would never feel the way I felt about her so I pushed these feelings down. I watched her sleep and absentmindedly wanted to stroke her hair, but I stopped the urge to do so.

I stayed a while longer, not caring that my girlfriend was also asleep in the other room. I should be there with her.
Stroking her hair and feeling these things for her, but I felt these for a girl who was my complete opposite. And I knew I could never get her to feel the same things for me. But I just sat there with her and still felt love for her. Raven began to stir and I jumped off the bed falling on the floor.

Raven jumped up as well and look frightened when she saw me. "Heeey Raven." I said sheepishly. "Pleasedon'tkillmeijustwantedtoseeifyouwereokaycauseihaven'tseenyouinweeks." I said quickly but Raven looked as if she wasn't paying attention.

Raven's P.O.V
I fell asleep but I felt like someone was watching me. I woke up and all I saw was a green flash falling on the ground. Jumping up I saw BeastBoy on the floor smiling sheepishly. Panic rose in my chest as I thought he saw something. He couldn't know what I was doing to myself. No one could know. They would all think I was a freak. They would hate me even more than they did now. They would all think it was for attention. My heart beat quickened but when I looked over at BeastBoy he was staring at me like I was going to kill him.

"Why are you in my room?" I asked slowly. "Um Raven, I already told you I was worried I haven't seen you in forever?" I looked around on my bed, maybe he didn't see anything. More panic rose in my chest. "Are you okay? It looks like you've been crying and you look a bit paler." My breath hitched I felt like it was stuck in my throat. My emotions went out of control as my mirror broke and shards flew everywhere. BeastBoy looked at me worriedly. "Raven look at me" I looked over into his green eyes that affection and I fell in love with. "Are you okay?" I wanted to tell him, I felt weak and just wanted to cry into his arms and spill all my secrets out.

But I didn't.

"I'm fine just having a hard time meditating so all of my emotions are out of control." I lied, hoping he would accept this as an answer. He still looked unconvinced but nodded his head anyway. "Okay, well I should probably let you meditate." He said standing up and walked over to my door. "I'm sorry for getting mad at you by the way, and I'll be back Raven. I'm making you waffles." He said walking out of the room, I smiled slowly thinking everything will change. But I knew this wouldn't last forever. He would go back to ignoring me just like everyone else. I curled up on my bed as I wondered, 'why would he care for a pathetic girl like me?'

A/N aww BeastBoy was super sweet making Rae waffles <3 okay I know this chapter sucks and it has taken me forever to write. But with summer coming up I thought hey why not write stories. So I hope you all enjoyed this crappy chapter of mine. Also the new cover I made for this story is by far my favorite cover I've ever made. I love it so much. Anyway thanks for listening to my rambling and reading my stories which are full of crappiness.
~Jordan