Sansational

Ｃ Ｕ Ｒ Ｉ Ｏ Ｓ Ｉ Ｔ Ｙ

[ TW: LANGUAGE, SUGGESTIVE + POST TRUE PACIFIST ENDING ]

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You unlock your front door and trudge into your house. You carelessly drop your messenger bag next to the coffee table and collapse onto your bland beige pillowy couch, stomach face down. College sure was energy-consuming, you rest your head on your arms. You try to get some shut-eye, but your brain decides now is a good time to bring a thought up. Stupid brain.

There is something you were wondering about all day though. It never really caught your attention until now.

The world had gotten so much more complicated ever since monsters resurfaced. Not that the complication was a bad kind, but today, you saw something that would be considered normal back when they weren't here. But...now that you know them...

Coming to a pretty solid conclusion that you won't get any rest if you don't get an answer to this thing that's eating at your mind, you decide to text a certain someone that will most definitely have a logical answer...probably.

"Sansy~"

You get a reply a few seconds later.

"yo."

"what u need?"

"Why do you assume I need something?"

"why else would u txt me?"

"Maybe I wanna go on a date with you."

"getting a little bonely, huh? that's still needing my answer tho."

"Shhhh. Okay, fine. I do need something."

"refer to my second txt."

"I need an answer to a question I have that I think only you could answer at the moment."

"mhm and u think i'm the only one who could answer it? what about papyrus?"

"No, I can't ask him this. He's such an innocent cinnamon roll, it wouldn't feel right..."

"a what?"

"...Forget it, you wouldn't understand where the expression comes from."

"rude."

"Anyways, here's my... question."

...

"well what is the question that u won't ask my bro and only sans the skeleton could answer?"

...

"So, I was like entering my bio class right? I got to my seat and sat down as usual... All of a sudden, I notice this shitty skeleton model hanging next to the door, not that I think all skeleton models are shitty or anything but this one looked pretty bad. My professor told us he got him at a garage sale or something but like why would anyone be selling this?? Okay, sorry, off topic, so continuing... I... kinda ACCIDENTALLY—and I mean my eyes ACCIDENTALLY trailed down to his pelvis and didn't see a dick... What I'm saying is that since you're also a skeleton and a pretty big-boned one amirite haha oh god your puns are ribbing off on me oh god make it stop! Uh, what I'm asking is do living male skeletons have a penis? Like what would it even look like???"

...

There is no text back from him for at least ten minutes.

You're dying because you think you just killed off the relationship you guys had by asking that. You bite your lips in anticipation and start planning your departure from the world.

It's not until you slammed your head 4 times against the wall 'til you hear the unmistakable ping of an incoming text. You're so afraid to look at it...you look at it anyways.

"yeah, doll, i have a dick."

Oh goodness! Is it hot in here or is it just you?

"Picture...?"

...it takes a few moments but...

He sends you a picture of a bone clipart.

You deadpan.

"Are you forreals right now?"

"what did u expect? i'm a skeleton. a living skeleton sure but a skeleton nonetheless"

"Well I mean I was expecting it to be some dick-shaped bone structure because that would be pretty fucking metal if it was, but I got my hopes up too much???"

"that's a cute imagination u have there but nah. i was also joking about the picture. i may be a skeleton with no flesh but i have ways u know."

"Ways...?"

"bby u wanna come over and find out tonite?"

"I'm coming over now."

"sure. didn't kno u wanted to jump my bones so bad."

"Fuck you."

"yeah i kno u wanna. don't keep me waiting 'cause u can say i got a bone-r for u."

You quickly pocket your phone and nearly step on your roommate's cat, who was lounging around on the welcome mat, getting to your car. Damn cat slowing you down! You realize you're going to the deepest layer of hell for this, but you don't give a fuck. Nothing's gonna stop you from getting laid by your sexy skeleton boyfriend.

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Bonus: tfw you ask your friend what they think the characters should say

http://imgur.com/JFtlK7h