This is Death (ON HOLD)

Chapter 22

   I decided to go out. I had to do something to get my mind off of everything, as cowardly as it may seem.

   I changed into some worn-out blue jeans and a faded yellow shirt. I grabbed a navy jacket, my keys, and I was out the door. I walked down the hallway, thinking to myself how desperately I needed to clean it, when something caught my attention.

   I set my jacket and keys down and moved a few boxes until I had a clear view of what had got my attention. It looked like a crystal ball. It stood tall on a silver stand that was slightly tarnished and about two feet tall. The ball itself was as clear as could be, not murky like I would have imagined a crystal ball to be.

   I picked up the ball and stand from where it stood and carried it back to my office. I set it down next to my desk for later examination. As I walked back out of my office for the second time, I sneezed. I must have kicked up some old dust when I moved the boxes. I kicked the boxes that were out of line against the wall once again and picked up my things. I dusted myself off in the elevator, and then I was off.

   I smiled at Clarissa on my way out, he returned the gesture. When I got in my car, I wondered where I was going to go. I could go to the park. Maybe a friends' house. Well, if I had any real friends. I thought about my family. They didn't really want me after I told them that I was going to be working in an asylum. Maybe they thought some wack-job was going to come and kill them in the night or something. I wouldn't really care if that happened to be honest. My father had been dead to me my entire life; he never did anything for me.

   When I was about six, I finally knew that my dad didn't give a damn about me or my mother. Every day, he would order my mother around and force her to "get another ***damn drink for f***'s sake!" Each and every time he yelled that, I went in my room and cried. It's ironic, isn't it? When I was little I was a devoted Christian. I have been up until the point I murdered Trent. And that's that.

   Anyway, one night my mother and I decided to run away. We spent three weeks in dingy hotel rooms in dusty beds. My mother couldn't find work for a week, so she decided she would work for herself. Or, others in her exact case. She became a prostitute. She slept with random men whether they were married or not wherever and whenever they wanted. She slept in their cars, abandoned parking lots, alleyways, and even in our own hotel room. It didn't matter whether I was in the room or not to either my mother or the drunkard who had called upon her. It disguisted me.

   Two weeks went by, that ended my three week lifespan with my mother. Someone called child services in the hotel when they saw me waiting outside the door of the hotel room when my mom was 'working.' So I was taken away. Years went by of foster homes giving me back, putting me back in the system.

   You couldn't have any idea how bad the system is until you're in it yourself. They hand you a garbage bag to put all of your things in. Basically, they're trying to tell you that no matter what, nobody will ever love you, not even your parents, because you're trash. Everything you own is trash. They get rid of you aas quickly as possible to any family who is willing to take you. Then, one week later, you're back where you started. The longest I ever spent somewhere was one month, and that was because I was being worked like a slave to clean and cook. Eventually, someone found out, and I was put back into the system as if that was any better. Once I spent exactly one day with a little old lady. When she signed the papers, she thought she was adopting a cat. She was a smart one, that old lady.

   By the time I was thirteen I was fed up with all the crap I was getting from everyone in the system and everyone "wanting to adopt me." So I ran away. I collected money from people on the streets, occasionally picking pockets, and I got enough to hop on a train to Raleigh, North Carolina where I now live. I had never heard of Raleigh, nor had I known anyone within one hundred miles of the city, but I didn't care. That's where I went, and that's where I stayed.

   Eventually, my mother found out where I was living, a good five years after I'd escaped, and she also discovered that I was working with patients in an asylum. She didn't like that at all, so here I am today, living alone, no family, no friends, no nothing. I might as well not have a life, but I still have to keep on going. I have to keep living. Why I keep insisting on living, I'm not quite sure, but I know it's for good. If good is real, that is.

   By the time I was done reflecting on my not-so-normal life, I found myself sitting in the parking lot of a nature preserve.

   "Why not," I thought to myself as I climbed out of my cacr and slammed the door shut.

   I figured  would just go on some kind of walk through the woods, so I did. I founf the 'yellow trail' and followed it. 

   "I didn't even know that Raleigh had nature preserves," I muttered to myself as I walked, examining the trees and birds.

   After walking for a while, I noticed something down by a small creek that was to the left of me. It looked like someone's back, probably belonging to a child, so I just kept walking. I couldn't help but feel a little odd about it though, so I turned onto the 'blue trail' and finished my walk on that path.

   I got back in my car and sat there for a few minutes, wondering why I felt so . . . off. I shrugged me shoulders, it was probably just because I hadn't eaten for a while, so I started the engine and drove through a fast food joint. I headed back to the asylum to eat my meal in a bit of peace.

   When I reached my office, I remembered the crystal ball. I unlocked my door and stepped inside, heading straight for my desk where the ball was waiting patiently for me. I set my meal down and unwrapped it. I ate as I stared at the swirling facade of the ball; it was almost entrancing.

   When I was done eating, I felt a heavy wave of fatigue pass over me,  so I fell asleep somewhat peacefully.