For His Pleasure

18

Chapter Eighteen

Bella studied him out of the corner of her eye. She began to wonder how it would have been if they had never met under such strange and unpleasant circumstances. The both of them had been used for the benefit of another against their will. She could understand his hate. Bella imagined herself in his place the night they first met. She refused to have any hate in heart towards Godric. Bella had been the one who had forced herself on him at the request of a man who had control over her. Now she was free to do as she saw fit.

Marriage was no longer an option for her. She was widowed and didn't have the desire to claim her deceased husband's estate. Bella was not going to fight to regain something that would only be handed over to an heir or require her to remarry. She wasn't willing to risk being hounded for her hand when the purpose was for the late husband's goods.

Bella hoped he would forgive her in time. She wasn't going to spend her days thinking about it. Now she had a sister that was free and Bella had to find a way to care for the both of them. Bella bit the bottom of her lips as she pondered over how she was going to ensure their wellbeing. It was going to be a hard task. She had not a single coin to her name. It sunk in how much she was not prepared for being on her own. The world was not going to be kind to a woman like her and her sister with them being alone without protection. Bella placed a hand on her stomach. She sudden felt ill. Bella ran across the deck. She gripped the railing of the ship as she retched into the sea. The ship had yet to sail and she was already had her mouth open spilling the food she'd consumed out of her stomach.

"It seems you are not fit for traveling."

Bella accepted the handkerchief handed to her by Godric. She wiped her mouth.

"I am able to travel."

"You have not recovered," Godric argued as he reached for Bella's arm.

Bella frowned at the concern etched in his voice as she moved to avoid his touch. She hated the warm feeling she got from it and pushed it aside. He was being caring and it seemed inappropriate to her.

"I can travel. I am just thinking of matters that would worry any woman."

Bella glanced away and looked out at the horizon. She needed a plan. Marriage floated around in her mind again. It was an easy solution. Her sister needed her protection and shelter. Their future rested on her shoulders. Bella knew a husband with an established small fortune would do but she didn't want to be ruled. She had a lot of thinking to do. A smile broke out on her face. She would have a good life. No one would take that from her or the freedom she now had.

"What matters are those that cause a smile," Godric asked as he followed Bella.

She stopped and realized how small this ship now seemed with him on board. It was the only ship parting today. The ship they were standing on was headed to India along its journey. Godric was on the wrong ship. The other ships resting at the harbor needed massive repairs due to the storm. Godric refused to wait until repairs had been made. They both were doomed to be together longer then Bella would have liked.

"I will be with my sister soon," Bella said with the shrug of her shoulders. She cared not to tell him of her thoughts. She would not speak of her fears to him. He didn't need to know. He was once her enemy. Why would he care?

"How does that cause worry?"

Bella bit the bottom of her lip. She looked at Godric and replied to his question. "That does not worry me. Seeing her again will bring me joy."