Ain't It Amazing (Trey Songz Fiction)

My name might mean dew from heaven in Hebrew and blooming in Greek, but that doesn't describle who I am. 

(8 years ago. In the year of 2000.)

   I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 8 years old growing up in Blue Light Projects in Ridgewood on eastend. I was sitting on my grandma porch reading a Dr. Seasus Book "Green Eggs and Ham". The sun was going down and all the little ratchet ass kids was outside playing and riding their bicycles. I felt the wind blowing through the trees and bushes. I could hear my grandma blasting 91.5 from the kitchen through the screen door. It was wayback Wednesday, so you know you were listening to Frankie Beverly, Temptations, Cameo, Chaka Khan, and etc. 

    I couldn't help but bob my head and smell the collard greens, corn bread, neck bones, and candy yams. Until the sight of my mother pulling up in a monte carlo with LT, completely destroyed my appetite and made my stomach curl. I slammed the little book closed and went into the house hearing the screen door close. I plopped my little ass on the couch and folded my arms. My grandma Nelly came from the kitchen and placed her hands on her hips. At the sight of her body language and face expression she was pissed because the door slammed. 

    "Now, why the hell did you slam my door girl. We ain't got much around here". She said angry. I pulled the wrong move and  rolled my eyes. Seconds later I felt pain come across my brown face. My sweet little innocent hazel grey eyes became watered with tears. My grandma grabbed my face and I had no choice but to look into her weary eyes.

  "Why did you slam my door?". She demanded. I couldn't help but stare pass her and look at my mama and LT standing there. Grandma Nelly looked over her shoulder and stood up straight. She put her hands on her hips and poked her lips put. She turn around and put her fake smile on. She approached the screen door and open it welcoming my mama and LT. 

   Grandma Nelly went back into the kitchen to prepare the table for dinner. Mama and LT came and sat beside me. Mama hugged me and I could just smell the weed and codeine on her. She kissed me on the cheek and deep inside I just wanted to wipe that shit off. LT and I just sat there and stare at each other. 

  "How was school today, baby?". Mama asked. I looked at my mama for a minute and wondered was she really serious about that question or was it rhetorical. 

  "Um, it's the summer mama". I said confused. Mama started laughing and grabbing on LT, who didn't find it funny at all. I was in complete disbelift. My mama really let this nigga hook her on drugs, ain't that bout some shit. 

    My grandma came back into the little living room and welcomed us to eat. We walked into the kitchen and fixed our plate. We sat at the small wooden table and said grace. We all begin to eat except for me because I was too uncomfortable sitting next to LT. I knew that nigga liked me from day one and soon some shit was go happen. 

   As we sat at the table eating, I felt LT manly hands come across my legs. I instantly jumped almost causing a scene. My grandma quickly crossed her eyes at me. I looked back down at my plate. It was so hard for me to eat, knowing that this grown ass man feeling on me. 

   "Talyah, something wrong with you? You keep moving?". Grandma concerned. I kindly smile at my grandma. 

  "No, I'm fine grandma. Feel like something crawling on me". I lied. But in reality I was really telling the truth. LT was fingering me. I couldn't tell my Grandma Nelly at the time what was really happening at the dinner table. LT was go kill me or get his boys to get rid of me quick. 

   "Shelia, how you doing?". Grandma asked. Mama moved uncomfortably in the chair and smiled at grandma as if everything was fine and dandy. 

   "I've been doing great. LT taking care of me and Talyah". Mama smirked. Grandma dropped her fork and grabbed a paper towel. 

   "When you go leave them drugs alone? I can't bare sending my grandbaby home with some crackhead". Grandma concern. 

   Mama quickly pushed herself from under the table. She threw her paper towel on the table and got up. She came around and grabbed me out the chair nearly dragging me. LT got up and walked out the dining room with mama. 

   Here I am screaming and yelling, my mama tossing my ass from here to there. She told me to stand up and get my shit. I quickly grabbed my stuff and flew out the door. I felt my grandma crying and I could just feel her pain. LT opened the door me being thats the only nice thing he's done for me. LT drove off quickly to apartment we stayed in and pulled up in the driveway. 

   I got out the car and quickly went into the apartment. I went into my room and slammed my door. Then a few mintues later I heard LT and mama arguing. I heard shit break and big crashes everywhere. Then it settled down for a minute or two. A couple of minutes later, my mama come stubbling through the door. Her nose was all bloody, her eye was fucking swole, blood was coming down from the side of her head. The moment on I knew my mama was high. 

   She got on her knees beside the bed and started to play with my hair. She smiled and begin to cry. She kissed me on the forehead and got up. She started to walk through the door and as she was nearly out. She said some words I'll never forget in my life. 

   "Remember girl, mama always love you no matter what". And at that moment, being eight years old, I knew some shit was feena go down.

    A couple minutes later LT walked into my room. The H.N.I.C. of the whole Eastend, the nigga who control everything around. The nigga who hooked my mother on drugs and now feena scar me for the rest of my life. 

  My room was dark and very quiet and even tho my room was dark I could see LT taking his shirt off. He took his jeans off and quickly pulls the covers off me. It was nowhere for me to go, so I sat there and cried my little eyes. He cuffed my mouth with his hands and pulled my panties off. He pulled his thing through his boxers and shoved himself inside of me.

   I screamed and hollered. I became so devastated and crushed inside. I was weak and wasn't unable to defend myself because I was small. I was really hurt because my mama didn't come to save me. She let this man come in my room and take the only dignity I could have ever have in my life. It was gone and I could never take it back. 

   Just laying down on my back, listening and feeling his breathe down go down my neck. His sweat trickle down his face onto my small fraile body, my eyes closed shut. The sight at looking into his eyes would even hunt me more than already does today. The my little pony sheets will still be stained with blood and the room itself will have scratch marks and holes in the wall from the fighting and beating. 

   I will never see my Grandma Nelly until I'm 10 years old and the sweet little social worker knocking on her door. I will never see my mama again until I'm 18 years old and she walking the streets looking for crack. I will never see LT again until he walk into my place of empolyment. I will never feel safe and comfortable around a man until I meet the man I always dreamed of being in my bed and singing in my ears.