Forbidden

Chapter 3

"Josh? What is it? What did you need to talk to me about" I must have spaced out for a moment, I hear Jens concerned voice as I start to come back to reality. 

"Josh...?" she's now staring at me. 

"Yea! There is something I have to talk to you about... Honestly it's nothing important really.. well..I mean. It is! but maybe I should have left it for another time....." 

She cuts me off mid sentence ..."Josh, you can trust me we've known each other for years now! No matter what it is Joshy i'll always be here for you! You know that!"

"I know, I know! It's just Jen... We've known each other for so many years, spending so much time together. All those night's we spent together on set, and in our trailers. When ever I needed help you were there, and same goes for you. I'm always here for you Jen." everything feels like it's moving extremely slow, words are just spilling from my mouth.

"Jen, I'm in love with you" My heart stops as the words flow from my mouth into the air. Time has stopped and we both look at each other. I can't tell from her facial expression how she feels. I instantly regret saying anything. I can feel my ears start to burn from embarrassment.

"I'm...i'm sorry Jen, I shouldn't h..a" i'm stopped mid sentence again, but this time I feel her warm lips pressed against mine. Her lips are soft, rose pedal soft. I start to feel a warm tingling start to emerge from my stomach, this must be what it feels like to have butterflies. I've never before experienced such a feeling.

She pulls away from me, her hand still touching mine. So delicate. 

"Josh, I'm sorry. I know you have Claudia, and how would she feel knowing about what happened. We've always denied any feelings we had for each other. You've always denied any feelings you had towards me. What changed?" she looks at with with an uncertain look in her eyes.

"Jen, After shooting Catching Fire I knew I loved you. The way you and I got together is effortless, I feel safe when around you. You're the most easy going, beautiful, funny person i've had the pleasure to be around. After shooting Paradise Lost with Claudia she fell in love with me. I have to admit I liked being around her, once I started to notice that her and I don't fit together as well as I thought, it was too late. As crazy as it sounds, I was told to stay with her, for our image. She doesn't know I'm only with her because it looks better, for us." There's a lump in my throat the size of an apple, my heart is beating out of my chest.  "I've wanted to tell you for years Jen, but I couldn't"

"Why did you decide to tell me tonight?" she whispers, while looking at the ground. "why now?"

I take a second to think about how i'm going to word everything perfectly, this is my true moment to tell her everything. The hardest part is over, time to just spill my heart out.

"This morning, before you called. I was thinking about how this was going to be our last time traveling the world together as the trio. It was hard enough to think about, then you called and expressed how upset you were. I wanted nothing more than to come over and comfort you, tell you how I felt but I let that pass. After the call is when I finally made up my mind. Claudia came to my room, she wanted to be with me like how a girlfriend should want their boyfriend, but I wanted nothing of it. I wished the whole time she was you in my room. I knew I couldn't lie to her anymore, no matter how upset she might be it's what I need to do for myself. I couldn't live with myself, if I didn't just try. I needed to try." 

I take a deep breath and finish my last few sentences. "Jen, you're the one I want to see every night before I go to bed, and wake up with every morning. You're the one I want to travel the world, eating all the weird foods from all  the Mc Donald's around the world. Jennifer, you're the only one for me"

That's it. Everything I needed to say to her has been said. I can now hear my heart beating in my ear. How long have we been here? It feels like hours.

Jen goes and sits on one of the steps, knees and arms bent, placing her head down resting on them.I can't hear quiet sobs coming from her. "Jen..? What's wrong?" I ask, walking over to sit next to her. I put my arms around her, comforting her. She looks up at me "Josh, I wanted to tell you. I swear I wouldn't, but I wanted too..." she's still sobbing uncontrollably. "I wanted to be with you Joshy, I told everyone I was going to tell you how I felt at the beginning of Mockingjay Part 1. This was going to be our moment, since you and Claudia seemed to be fighting a lot. I thought maybe I'd have a chance, and if not... I mean what's the harm we're best friends. You're media team caught wind of what I wanted to do, and started to see me at a threat to your relationship with her. They assumed I was put up to it, to try and "boost ratings" they said. There was nothing I could say, or do to make them believe my love for you was pure and not something thought up by the crew.  They made me sign a contract stating that I wouldn't try and come between you and Claudia, and if you two were to at some point break up. I wouldn't be able to "date/be with you" for at least 5 years after the fact, just incase." her tears pour from her beautiful face, I can help but hold her tighter. 

"I don't exactly understand, but I had to sign. They threatened me, and my career something I had build up my whole life. My family looks up to me. Honestly at first I thought it was all a joke, I mean who actually tries to keep people from each other now a days right? They kept their word, after seeing one of our interviews before the premiere the team must have noticed how close we looked. The next day my ICloud account was hacked and I had my privet photos displayed for the world to see. At that point I knew how serious this all was" I wipe the tears away from her face. 

We both sit in silence for a moment, until one of us notices the time.

"We better be getting back before anyone notices how long we've been gone" I'm still wiping her tears away, my hand gently trying to remove all the pain her eyes have let out. I stop with my hand holding her cheek. I feel us moving together, her right hand running across my legs and her left my back. I start to slowly press my lips against her neck, up her jawline until I can feel the softness that are her lips pressed against mine. At this moment everything is the way it should be. Nothing can ruin it.

Until the door opens. We both look up in shock... It's Willow.