Disorder / / narry storan

5.

who will fix me now, dive in when i'm down
save me from myself don't let me drown
who will make fine, drag me out alive
save me from myself, don't let drown - drown by: bring me the horizon
-------------------------

[niall's pov]

the stars were out that night. harry had decided to take niall on a date a few days before his first gig. he was so nervous but niall made him okay. niall made everything okay.

"i love your hair." niall said giggling while randomly playing with his hair.

"yours is way better these curls absolutely are a mess." harry said smiling.

"you're an absolute mess, styles." niall said playfully rolling his eyes at his boyfriend.

"without you i am." harry said kissing his cheek. "i would lose it if you left me." niall said even dreading the idea of it.

"i'll never leave you." harry promise.

"promise?" niall asked holding his pinky. "promise." he said smiling and hooking his pinky with niall's.

niall woke up with tears staining his cheek and an aching heart. he hated having dreams about harry. it made him feel alone and not okay in the slightest. he sighed inwardly to himself and dragged himself from the shelter he called his bed.

"today's gonna inwardly suck ass." niall said getting in the shower and changing into a baby blue sweater and black jeans. he picked up his phone and it suddenly hit him. harry had texted him last night. he wanted to talk. he had a missed called from him and decided to call him back after breakfast.

"honey, breakfast is ready." his mom yelled as if right on cue. niall grabbed his bag along with his notebook and phone and went downstairs for breakfast. it was quiet at the table as usual.

"i think i'm going to walk to school today if that okay with you, mum?" niall asked playing with his food, mashing and scattering it so it seemed like he at least ate something.

maura thought about it but nodded in agreement. "i want a text saying you made it there safely. do you understand, mister?" she asked as Niall got up from the table.

"okay." niall said and got up walking out. he had about a fifteen minute walk till he was at the school so he called harry during that time. it ring twice before he picked the phone up and niall almost cried.

"ni?" harry said his accent ringing through the phone mixed in with a hint of sleep. he's heard this voice so many times but it just felt different.

"y-yes?" niall asked chocking up on his words and he couldn't stop the tears that came with the answer. they came through the phone as whimpers and niall wanted to hang up right then but he didn't. it was quiet on the other end.

"please don't cry, ni. i wish i was there to hug you and I'm so sorry." harry said his voice fully alert. niall was silent.

"you left me." niall said but that was all he could mange to get out. "six months harry. six motherfucking months but you don't care. why are you even calling me." niall said not able to hold in his sobs now. they were rushing out and he absolutely wasn't okay. he was having a mental breakdown half way to the school.

"i want to make things right. just please niall, let me explain. can we meet up?" harry asked and his heart broke at the sounds coming through the phone. he made niall like this and he absolutely hated himself for that.

"i-i really d-don't think that's a good idea." niall said quieting himself but hiccuping throughout the sentence. niall just really didn't think he could handle seeing harry again without having a panic attack. he was barely making it through this phone call.

"please ni just i really need to talk to you in person." harry was practically begging. he couldn't take hearing niall like this and he had to make this okay.

"tomorrow i have a therapy session you can come there but otherwise we can't.....i can barely handle taking to you much less see you again." niall said trying to calm himself down. he was literally dancing with the devil for a deal.

"okay i'll be there just text me the address and time, yeah?" harry said fully awake and jumping with joy. he could make everything right with Niall.

"o-okay." niall said quietly.

"and niall?" harry said hopefully

"yes?" he answered.

"i love you." harry said and he ended the call. niall broke again he was a mess and it hurt so bad. he tried hard to make it to school but he couldn't do it. it just wasn't his day. he walked back home and up into his room running into the bathroom. he locked the bathroom and rummaged around until he found what he was looking for. His razors.

"niall, honey are you okay." his mother yelled from downstairs. niall ignored her.

"one." niall said cutting on top of his freshly healed ones. he didn't stopped until he reached 100. that's how many times harry had said i love you and that's how many times niall had believed him. blood was all over the floor as he laid there crying. he was starting to get dizzy and soon everything was black.

-------------

well that's the update. guys I didn't even plan for that to happen it just did and I don't know.

m' out for thanksgiving break so updates are going to be more often and i got my inspiration from drown by: bring me the horizon which is an absolutely amazing band the the song is awesome.

sorry for not updating and guys I'm not giving a bullshit excuse but I love for reading this because it's absolutely crap but yeah.

[QOTD: favorite color and where do you live? (country or state)]

[AOTD: purple, blue and black and i live in Alabama in the USA. country home girl born and grown 😊]

[Word Count:1016]