Can't leave it broken. //AU.//

3- I miss her so much.

Woh lamhe woh baatain koi na jaanay,
This kesi raatain, ho barsaatain.
Woh bheegi bheegi yaadain.

Hussain's p.o.v:

After the push-up that I never even counted, I saw her standing across the gym, a small smile playing on her lips as her eyes told me some stories I was eager to find out about.

I stopped mid way and quickly stood up, never looking away.

I knew it was impossible but a part of me wanted to believe that she was right here, this was really her.

I didn't care where I was going, all I saw was her, calling me towards herself.

I didn't want to blink, because I knew that she won't be here If I did.

Somebody collided with me, making me loose my balance as I stumbled a bit.

And that was the mistake I did, I quickly looked up in hope to find her somewhere but she wasn't.

She left, just like she did 5 years ago.

I looked down, disappointed with myself, I used to blame myself whenever she went away just like that, and I blame myself for her death till this day, 5 whole years, and I live with guilt built up inside me making me break even more when I see her like this.

The hope in her eyes, the smile on her face was enough to make me go crazy.

I still remember watching her lay down, lifeless in front of me and I couldn't wake her up, I tried at that time to open her eyes somehow, but failed like I did every time.

Tears seemed to form in my eyes as I blinked rapidly trying to hold as much of them back as possible but they were too stubborn to stop.

Without a word to anyone I walked out of the gym, the questioning look on my friend's face was the least of my worries right now.

Why?

Why did she leave me?

What was my mistake that I deserved so much pain, so much heart-break.

Why only me?

I could've saved her, I could've.

It's all my fault, I am the person behind her death.

These were the thoughts that were eating me up since the last 5 years.

I walked over to the bridge that was my only place where I felt at peace.

The chirping of the birds and that comfortable sounds of the lake water made me feel good, I came here usually to get rid of these thoughts but instead I used to sit down and think over it more.

As much as I hated to think about what happened 5 years ago, a part of me liked to see me suffer, I deserved it.

I sat down on the bench as I thanked God that nobody was here at this time, I liked to be alone sometimes.

The truth is I really was alone, even my brother wasn't here in Houston anymore as he shifted to UK after marrying Maria, whenever I used to feel alone I called him but he wasn't always free, we hardly used to talk now as he found a really good job there, which made him busy most of the time.

I didn't feel like disturbing him today as I quietly sat down on the bench, closing my eyes as I listened to the birds singing, giving me some peace at my mind.

I sat there for I don't know how long, the thoughts of her seemed to fade away, fortunately.

Whenever I used to think more about it and fight with my mind, my mind used to give in and make me feel peaceful for once.

I opened my eyes to see kids playing with each other as I smiled at their cuteness, my gaze moved over to a girl standing some distance away from me, she looked at the kids and smiled saying something to them as she looked at me.

I quickly looked away before she could catch me looking at her, and think of me as a creep.

Well I was more of a creep now.

No talking to anyone, Keeping to myself and shutting everyone out was enough for people to assume me as a creep.

But I didn't care any more about what the world thinks of me, them judging me was the least of my worries.

I sighed and got up, deciding to go back home as there was no need to go back to the gym

I texted my friend that I'll be at home, and quickly without looking anywhere else I walked back to the home that haunts me every time I walk in it.

It has so many memories of her and me together, Her laugh still echoes in that house, her picture still hangs from that wall and everyday I wake up to her smiling at me in that picture.

I dread to go back to the house which can no longer be called a home, but I did.

I had to go find a job too but felt too lazy to go now, and I didn't had any energy left in me to even talk to anybody.

I stepped inside the house to be greeted by the familiar looking walls, this house I once used to call home looked more like an abandoned room now.

The atmosphere in here seemed to be grave all the time or maybe it was me who no longer used to laugh like I did before 5 years in this very house.

I walked in further to see a closed door, and that was the door she was in, she used to be in this room.

I sucked in a sharp breathe, trying to ignore the attraction pulling me towards that room.

Sometimes, I miss laughing like I used to. I miss that care-free attitude that I used to have and that charm I used to have but all of them left me eventually, just like she did.

I miss Shehry, I wish he was here to help me through all of this but I was left alone to deal with my guilt that ate me up day by day.

He asks me a lot and wishes to come here too but I stop him because I know it would be difficult for him and I don't want people to face any more problems because of me.

I walked inside my room to be greeted by her picture, she looked so beautiful in it but this picture wasn't enough for me, I wanted to touch her, to feel her, to know that she's right here next to me.

But she wasn't, she left.

I miss her, I miss her so much.

I miss my Zarish.