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29 October 2014

-Kait

It's been a crazy month and I feel like I haven't written in forever. Most of my month was spent with Harry if I'm telling you the truth, mainly because he is fun to be around. We need nothing but each others company to have a good time and I have never met someone like that, where you only need the other person. Harry is taking me out to a party for Halloween and insists we do a couples costume. I'm getting closer to him even though it has only been two months since we met in that little coffee shop but I can't help but feel like I'm becoming attached. The scary thing about all of this is that Harry may not feel the same way, he doesn't believe in love. I keep telling myself we are only friends but, I feel something more for him even though I find myself pushing those thoughts away often. I don't know what to do and to be honest I'm afraid of that feeling, I have never felt it before.

I guess I will just have to keep it hush because I don't want to risk what I have with him. If I ever ruined what I had with Harry I would surely not be able to handle it. I have already dealt with loss and I don't know if I can deal with it again since we all know how I cope with things. I guess I will just keep this all quiet.

-Rowan

Halloween was approaching in a few days and Harry and I were out to go get supplies for our costumes. Watching countless youtube videos and searching endlessly on Pinterest we finally found a costume we both liked. We took the inspiration of Cast Away the movie, Harry would be Tom Hanks in the movie and me Wilson the volleyball best friend he makes.

Harry had decided on this after we watched to movie together at his apartment. I laid on him with a blanket spread across the both of us, snuggled up to him for comfort which I had found in his chest. I knew I shouldn't have done that looking back now but I didn't care. Harry didn't seem to mind my close contact either and rather than moving away, moved closer welcoming me into his body.

Entering the Target for a few thing for our costume I felt as though I was shopping with a little kid. Wanting to look at everything Harry and I periodically stopped to view all kinds of pointless items that Harry would cause me to laugh at.

"Harry! Come on, we need to get our stuff!" I told him folding my arms once we had stopped in the lego aisle.

"You know I never built one of these before? I always made my dad build them and handed him pieces." I liked when Harry would tell me about his family and past childhood memories.

"I don't think any little kid actually makes those. They always have their parents help." I said to Harry making him feel better about not being able to build one of the spaceships out of legos.

"If I ever have kids I will make them help me so that for every Christmas and birthday I won't be spending bloody hours at the table putting the blocks together." I laughed at Harry and finally got him to leave the aisle that was specifically for children's toys.

I had never thought about kids before in a serious way. Of course Kait and I used to play MASH and talk about how we wanted a fairytale wedding but never had children been brought into the topic of marriage.

"Do you want kids?" I asked Harry wondering if he would be the type to want a lot of children.

"Of course I do, do you?" He returned the questions back to me.

"Yeah, I think it would be nice to have a family and settle down one day." I told him watching as his green eyes kept their gaze on me. "How many do you think you want?" I asked him pushing the shopping cart with only a few items.

"Two or Three is a good number, what about you?"

"Two or Four because it's an even number and that way none of them would get left out. If you have three one always gets left out." I told him my logic behind the number I had picked.

"Four is too many though." Harry rebutted at the seemingly large number to him.

"It's one more than three!" I laughed picking out a big fake beard for Harry to wear with his costume.

"Yeah one too many!" He responded back with those dimples carved into his cheeks that I adored.

Shaking my head at him we finished up what we needed and left the store. Now all we had to do was go home and made the costume with the supplies we gathered. I had gotten red paint and a white long sleeve shirt to paint the symbol that resembled Wilson onto. Although I was nervous that this simple task of making a hand mark on a shirt would quickly turn into a paint fight. There was no doubt in my mind that it wouldn't be, this was Harry we were talking about.

+

"Okay all I need you to do is put your hand in the paint and press your hand onto the shirt." I instructed squeezing some of the red pigmented paint into the paper plate.

"I've got this!" He about put his hand in the paint but I stopped him.

"Harry?" I questioned giving him a look that meant I didn't want a paint fight.

"What? I promise I won't touch you with paint." He said like a little kid telling his mother he won't do what she has told him not to do.

"Okay." I nodded watching him then dip his hand into the paint and press his handprint onto the white surface.

"There!" He stood back looking at his art work that we all learned to do before primary school.

"It looks beautiful! Thank you!" I thanked and began to fix up the handprint to make it better resemble Wilson by drawing eyes a nose and mouth.

Hearing the facet run I was surprised Harry didn't try anything with me, I would have thought for sure he would have covered me in the red paint.

"You owe me!" Harry called over the running water.

"And why is that?" I asked him still perfecting my costume.

"Because I almost touched the back of your shirt with the paint but I didn't." He told me honestly.

"Well I'm grateful you didn't." I smiled scrunching my nose and closing my eyes.

"That's cute." Harry commented on my smile I gave him.

"I try." I didn't stray from my costume but felt Harry standing behind me. Grabbing my waist I stood up to my full height from bending over the costume and was met with his jade green eyes. Our bodies were only a few inches apart and I burned in the space between us. Gazing up into his eyes I waited for him to make a move, for him to do something, anything.

"I know." He spoke moving closer to touch my lips with his. I waited for those soft lips to touch mine but felt him pull away. Opening my eyes I saw he moved away creating the space between us greater.

"We are friends." He spoke and I nodded feeling vulnerable from the close encounter we had.

"I'm sorry I..." I stuttered my words not knowing what to say.

"No, I went too far. I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that." He went for the door, "I should go."

"No, stay." I wanted to beg.

"I better be getting home, I will talk to you later." With the last goodbye he exited my apartment. I didn't want him to go but I knew no matter what I said it wouldn't convince him otherwise. I didn't want him to think things between us were over, we never even kissed even though inside my head a waited for the feeling of his lips on mine. I would never admit this to him however, unless he happened to feel the same way. From the response I received  from the almost kiss he didn't, and I don't know how to feel.