p e n u m b r a (discontinued)

Chapter 11: Her Fury Burned These Castle Walls

 It's the dark of night, no light is cast in any corner of this room. And yet, I haven't slept at all. This sleepover makes me feel so uncomfortable. There are literally strangers sleeping in my bed with me. The girl sleeping next to me, Katie, Kelly, whatever her name is, insists on rolling her entire weight on top of me. All one hundred and thirty five of her pounds squashes me on the mattress. Finally, I have had enough, and I forcefully knock her off of me and get up to go to the bathroom. Not that it causes any sort of disturbance to her peaceful slumber.

The bathroom floor tiles are cold, my toes nearly shiver to the touch. With great diligence, I tiptoe across the floor and stand in front of mirror. I look horrible. My hair is in tangled knots, there are bags under my tired and red eyes, my skin is blotchy and filled with pimples and blemishes. I feel just as terrible as I look. I turn on the faucet, and splash my face with water, making an attempt to at least try to turn my mood around. I seems like there's no hope, but then at the edge of the sink, I see a small little box. And this small little box holds small little sticks, and these small little sticks hold the power to illuminate and destroy. My eyes grow wide, and for a few moments I just stand there, staring at the box. This box is like a treasure chest or a pot of gold that I know I'm not suppose to touch. And yet, I feel myself stretching my fingers towards it, very very slowly.

"No! Nana would not approve," I quickly cling my arm back to my side. My eyes dart up and down, left and right, and my head starts spinning.

"Go back to bed Kit Kat. Just go back to bed," I say to myself outloud. And I walk towards the door. But I can't seem to walk through it. I turn back to look at the matchbox... It's not like I'll be able to go back to sleep anyway right? A little fun won't hurt, I won't do anything bad. I just want to... play with it.

I turn off the lights, go back to the sink, snatch the matchbox, and walk over to the bathtub. I let myself lay down inside and clutch the matchbox to my chest. My fingers sweep against the surfaces of the box, they linger at the edges. I feel a faint fearful feeling in the pit of my stomach, but a faint feeling is all it truly is. What I feel most at this moment, is anticipation. Finally, I gain the courage to open the box revealing hundred of wooden and redheaded catalysts. My fingers tremble as I gently pick one up. It's time for the exciting part. I hold the match firmly, and with a calm and stern strike against the side of the box, the matchstick springs to live. It begins with harsh sparks crackling within tiny streams of traffic through the air. But such sparks bring forth light, a bright and powerful light. The fire lit upon the head of the matchbox ignites, conquering the pieces of darkness within its perimeter. It's a beautiful little flame, dancing with more grace and felicity than any other human dancer. It allows it's nonexistent limbs to flash and fly. It releases warming colors, hot and seductive colors, and I am letting myself fall victim to it's beautiful and enticing charm.

I want that fire, I need it. I need to know that I can feel again. I am shaking, but in a whimsical moment of desire I stretch my fingers inches above the flames. I can feel the warmth tingling in the palm of my hand. It feels beautiful and wonderful. For once, there's no thinking, just feeling. Everything feels physically pleasant. I want more. I bring my hand closer to the flame. I feel my hand grow hotter, At first it hurts, but the pain brings forth even more pleasure. I feel every part of my body stimulating. The heat doesn't just touch my hand, it touches me everywhere. It comforts me more than human hands. I need more. In a split second I allow my hand to dive into the flame.

"Ahh!" A small cry of pain escapes my throat. The pain drags on longer and longer, but eventually I fall in love with it.

"ahh... ahh" Cries of pain soon turn to gentle moans. I feel myself burning, my skin is no longer youthful and beautiful. As quickly as time can pass it grows dry and black. But outer beauty no longer matters to me. I feel this amazing inner beauty swirling around inside me. It's floating throughout my whole body. If I close my eyes, I can feel growing even more intense. My cheeks blush with red, my breathing is heavier. I can feel again, yes... I can finally feel again.