J A N U A R Y, T U E S D A Y 9, 2 0 0 7.
It's been ten years since I last wrote an entry on this journal.
It's been ten years since mom's death.
It's been 2 years since dad's death.
Today I woke up and pulled the cover over my face to block the sun, but mostly my life. I have struggled with depression for years.
I'm constantly agonizing over all the things I need to do. I feel like I've completely fucked up my life and there's no chance of ever fixing it. I'm too young to be so hopeless but it's how I fucking feel. I don't want to feel like there's no hope but I feel this constantly. I just don't know where to go from here.
I go out with other girls, with all hopes of finding a smile and maybe even finding hope. Instead, I always find emptiness and fight the tears that are constantly swelling up in my eyes.
I want to love but I might be not knowing how to love.
I want to be loved but I might be not good enough.
How can you fix someone when you don't even know why they are broken? How do you stop tears when you don't know why they are coming?
