Drowning

Dreaming-Chapter 11

Chapter 11- Dreaming

It's been approximately six days since my fight with Nate. Five days since we made up. And four days since I've seen Eli.

After Eli woke up to find an empty bed and all around empty house, he kind of panicked. He said that he was frantic looking for me and was terrified. The worry in his voice when he told me this made my heart explode, spewing longing and fear everywhere. I want him so badly. I love the way he makes everything seem so perfect even in the midst of a crisis. I love how he has dimples the size of death valley and the little hairs that don't ever seem to fall in place. I love that he cares so much for me even when barely anyone else does.

But I'm also terrified of Eli. Because the only time I've ever felt so much love for a person besides Nate, was my father. And it turns out that every single moment we had spent together was a complete lie. Every time he tucked me in bed, or bought me Chinese for the hell of it. Every “sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite” was just some made up story to be part of his cover up. And now I find myself doubting Eli the same way my father taught me to doubt him.

“Look at it this way T,” Nate struggles with drying off the bottom of his leg, using one hand on my shoulder to support himself and hoping around like a bunny on acid. “maybe he's waiting for you to call him. I mean, guys have those doubt feelings too. It's not just a girl thing.”

He's giving me advice about whether or not I should call Eli. He hasn't been in school since Monday and it's now Thursday. And over the weekend, after we spent all Friday night together, he called me twice a day. We talked about everything ranging from why the sky is blue to what happened between me and Vanessa, which is something I've refused to tell him and he's just trying to convince me to spill.

“But shouldn't he have called by now? He's initiated every single other time. I thought him starting things was like...routine.” I flip through my recent texts from my mom, all pleading me to call her back, while sitting on the bench at the pool. Nate's life guarding free swim today and dragged me a long with him.

“That's the thing though. He's a guy. He doesn't think routine. I bet hes thinking somewhere along the lines of she never calls first so that must mean she doesn't like me. Which is why you should just call him.”

I'm actually very surprised. Nate claimed when we made up that he wouldn't try and talk me out of things with Eli, yet he wouldn't be able to talk me into them either. He said that he would remain Switzerland on the topic, using a stupid global history analogy that he surely got a kick out of.

“This is so damn complicated. Remind me again why I decided to get into this?” I flick past another pleading text from mother that just makes me roll my eyes. She's stupid for thinking I'm actually going back. However, I'm running out of clean clothes at Nate's which means I have to go back soon and raid my own closet.

“Because of his perfectly tousled hair, and piercing blue eyes.” Nate mimics me in a high voice and then laughs at himself. He plops down on the bench next to me, finally dry, and takes my phone.

“Christ.” he flicks up and down the fifty or so messages from mom. About ten messages a day, I've counted. “Maybe you should just call her too..” he glances at me then hands my phone back and looks at the tile floor. Unlike the topic of calling Eli, which I'm probably hesitant to do because I don't want to seem desperate, the topic of calling my mother is a whole different game. And Nate knows that.

“Nate.” I warn.

“All I'm saying is just let her know you're okay and that you won't be coming home anytime soon. Just give her the benefit of the doubt Tess. She's probably worried sick.”