The Lost Ones

Chapter 1. The long night

  I had never realized how beautiful the world was. How peaceful and gentle one simple breeze could be. When I was younger none of these things occurred to me. Never did I know life would be hard without a home. The world is cruel yes, but the most cruelest thing is,your own mind.

Your own brain can make you do many things. Many many things.......
Things that you want to make .. go away, things you never want to see,the horror of it all makes me not to be me.

The space between sanity and insanity shakes in your mind every so often,
you don't know whether to be satisfying
or unpleasant.  You wonder every now and then will there ever be a chance where I will finally see reality? Will I ever see the gorgeous bright sun again?

The pain and anxiety builds up on you.
You feel scared and tired and most of all....lost. Never will you be the same once you've gone through the same imprinted internal monstrosity.
I had never thought October 31,2016,
would be my last day of my sanity.

School was on time as usual, 7:40 p.m. on October 29,2016. I crept down the hall feeling sorrow in my heart. I was in 8th grade and I had all A's but, there was just one problem.
I had absolutely no friends. I felt that it's no use being with the "popular kids." I didn't want to be judged by people. What was the use of it? There was no one that was decent at my school.

All of them are always fighting, playing,then fighting again. So, the only person I could call a " friend" was my teacher. Mrs. Hall was the only nice teacher we had. She would always talk to me during lunch. I didn't sit in the cafeteria with the misfits so I sat with her in her quiet room,eating mystery meat the school provided. It was very nice of her to let me stay there.

The only thing I saw bad about it was how lonely I was. Every day coming into that room just made me feel so insecure about my life. Will I ever have friends? Nobody would feel the pain I felt coming to school. No partner in crime,unless I wanted to commit a real crime.

I never liked bright colors so I usually wore plaid,black long sleeves,or short sleeved shirt. Skirts? Nope never!
Jeans? Of course! I never wanted to turn out like the girls at my school.
They really need to stop with the clown make up. But seriously, I hated this school.

I started to walk home thinking about
my future. Will the world ever stop being cruel? Does the earth kill us in the end, or does God,who lives in the heavens? My life will end one day, yet I want to know when. When will my light  go out? It could be any moment yet I still don't know when.

I kept my head low going through
the town making sure no one saw me.
The people at the prison/ school were jealous of me and all they wanted to do was hurt me. So, I stayed away from them. I feared many things,yet I fear them the most.