all i want :: s.m

12: how it started

three years ago ¬ 9th grade

He has the looks of an angel—beautiful, uneven brown eyes, a beautiful smile, and the shape of a god—but there's a demon inside of him. There's a demon inside everyone, but his happens to show more often than others through his fists and words. Although he was just a freshman in high school, seniors praised him—and at the same time, feared him—for his 'works' and his reputation. Plus, he was tall and looked as if he could be graduating already. 

He pinned a boy on the brick school wall, hidden from everyone in the parking lot, one of the few areas where a camera wasn't placed outside the school. "I'm sorry, Shawn! I said I'm sorry already! I wasn't thinking!" the boy pleaded, almost crying, as the collar of his shirt got crumpled due to Shawn's fist tightening around the clothing.

Shawn wore his black leather jacket, just to add on to the intimidation. He smirked as the boy trembled against the wall. Some people have different aesthetics; his was the fear in his victim's eyes. It showed him who was control—him—and he liked to be control. "Well you should have fucking thought before you embarrassed me in front of the whole class today. You should have expected this to happen." 

The boy shut his eyes as Shawn lifted his balled hand in the air, ready to throw a fist, but a gentle gasp stopped him from his actions. Both their heads turned towards the sound, and there Ella Rose was standing, eyes wide and hands over her mouth. 

Shawn immediately got mesmerized; Ella fucking Rose did something to him the first time he was new to the school, seventh grade. He started his reputation the year after, but despite how his personality changed drastically, his crush (eventually leading up to more than just a 'middle school crush') for her hadn't gone away. 

And he hated that. 

He didn't want some girl to step into his way and maneuver him to good. He's seen it in shows and he's read in books; Ella was that girl to him. Every time she walked into the room, Shawn had the urge to look his best and try to impress her. Every time he felt her presence when he was threatening someone, he said he'd deal with them later because he didn't want her to see him in action. And every time she looked at him and he looked back at her, the fear in her eyes made his heart break. 

He had an ecstasy seeing the terror on other people's faces, but seeing the terror hers made him hate himself. He didn't want her to be scared of him; he wanted her to love him the way he loved her. 

Shawn turned back to the shaking, yet thankful for the delay, boy and let go of his shirt. "Get out, or I'll bash your face harder than I planned to." The boy immediately left, running past a frozen Ella, giving her a warning look (and a look of praise) when he fled. 

Shawn faced Ella, walking towards her, making her take a tiny step back, ready to run if she needed to. But before she could even take another step away, Shawn grabbed her forearm and turned her, so that he was in her previous spot and escaping would be much more difficult. 

"You will not tell anyone what you saw, Ella," he snarled grimly, making her swallow her thick saliva. Every time he took a step towards her, she backed up, eventually going against the brick wall. "If one detail of what you just saw gets through your damn mouth, I'll make sure I'll to do something really bad to make you forget it." He showed her his fists, a threat. 

Before Shawn could walk away, Ella quickly said the words that have been on her mind, "Why do you do those things?" Shawn stopped and faced Ella slowly, eyes narrowed, making her regret saying anything—but too late to take it back. "Why do you threaten people until they shake, or beat them up for irrelevant reasons? You weren't like this in seventh grade!"

Shawn crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow, "And how'd you remember what I was in seventh grade?" 

Ella blushed, looking away, murmuring, "I've had a crush on you since then...of course I'd notice something was off." 

"I've?" He snickered, "Wait a minute, so you're saying what I think you're saying? You still do? How pathetic!" Ella frowned, looking at his brown eyes, and instantly his heart ached when he saw the grief in her expression. He didn't mean it like that; he meant pathetic as in he was pathetic. He has a terrible reputation—he's a wreck—and she still liked him? 

Pathetic.

"I think I have to go. My friend is waiting for me at the track." Ella pointed towards the shortcut to the back of the school, the reason she was there in the first place. She didn't intend to have tears piercing her eyes and a stupid stinging sensation in her nose bridge. "Bye. I won't say anything. Let's just forget everything." She implied the confession she made, too.  

Ella began to walk, but Shawn wouldn't allow her. He grabbed her wrist again, pulling her towards his chest. "I didn't mean it that way," he cooed softly, his face calmer this time. "I'm just surprised that someone like you would like a guy like me. I'm a bully, Ella, and you know what would happen if we got together? Your reputation would be ruined. I don't want that to happen."

"So let me help you, Shawn. Let me bring back the old Shawn—the real Shawn." 

He didn't flinch. Secretly, he wanted the real Shawn, too. "Why, Ella? Why are you helping me? Why do you even still like me? People fear me, for god's sakes! Did you not see what I was about to do? And I threatened to hit you! Why do you still like me?" He wasn't complaining (and he didn't want her to rethink her feelings at all), but he just wanted to know. 

Ella shrugged, pursing her lip and looking at her feet. "I don't know. I've tried to stop, but when you...like someone very, very much, you don't care about that." Love—she wanted to say love (and he wanted her to say it), but hell, she was in ninth grade! She didn't even know if it was real. 

"My god..." He muttered, running his fingers through his hair. Hell yeah, he was happy that the feelings were mutual between them—just couldn't believe it, that's all. "Ella, look at me." She did as told, eyes bulging when she was pushed against the brick wall and lips were on hers. 

It started simple but got intense by the second. She held his neck and face, and his hands were on hers. Sparks, fireworks, everything mentioned in romance novels, it was there for sure. They were thankful there were no cameras, otherwise they would have been suspended for PDA. 

But despite how much more time they wanted to make out with each other, Ella pulled away, breathing heavily. "Ella Rose, what did you do? You're going to be the death of me." Shawn whispered, eyes closed as he savoured the moment they had. He fluttered them open, sending a genuine smile towards her. "Even though I was aware this moment could have never happened, I've always wanted to kiss you." 

All Ella did was sigh a prolonged sigh. Freshmen. Fricking freshmen. "I'm going to get killed if anyone found out I just did that." 

-

woah there. im a freshman.