King of the Woods, or Trivial Pursuit

Part 57 - Elf

Frazer tongued his premolars like a kid expecting a visit from the Tooth Fairy; judging by the taste, she prepaid in pennies. His jaw clicked when he opened his mouth. Last he remembered, the hippie girl had barged into his office again. She must have sucker-punched him with pair of knuckles or maybe a healing crystal.

He laid on cool soil with rocks and twigs digging into his ribs. The girl had accomplices; she could not have carried him alone. His captors had bound his hands behind his back and blindfolded him, but not gagged him, so they were deep enough into the woods that they thought no one would hear him. It beat waking up on a roll of plastic in some basement, or not waking up at all, and why bother blindfolding him if they intended to kill him? These amateurs weren't with Tallahassee. Radical environmentalists then, trying to scare him, maybe force him to read a poem about endangered tortoises that they would put up on YouTube. If they thought they could intimidate Jim Frazer, they had another thing coming. If he played it right, he could turn the situation to his advantage and give Tallahassee someone else to blame for the snafu with Ray and Byron. He just had to take control.

"The King is awake," a deep-voiced man said.

"Pick him up," the hippie girl said.

Large, rough hands pushed Frazer to a seated position. He said, "You ELF fuckwits have made a big mistake."

"We are not elves," she said. "We are folk."

Frazer had thrown out Earth Liberation Front's name to prompt his captors to reveal their identity. They'd fallen for his ruse, but he had never heard of their organization. The 'F' probably stood for Forest or maybe Friends. Friends of Living Kreatures? Hopefully Tallahassee had a file on them.

"I don't care what you stoner-Communist assholes call yourselves," he said. "And you may as well lose the blindfold. 'Yes, officer, I was kidnapped by a white female, mid-twenties, about five-foot-eight. Distinguishing features? Let me think, she wears dreadlocks and her arm looks like she fisted a blender.'"

Someone took off the blindfold, which turned out to just be a sleep mask. The girl had neatened her hair and changed into a verdant green gown with silver filigree that matched the upturned crescent on her forehead; the ornament must have been glued on, for she wore no headband. The full moon told him she had him harder than he thought, and he had no idea where they were holding him; forests all looked pretty much the same to Frazer.

"I am Diana Nemorensis. My companion is Roosevelt. We do not fear your authorities; we took your vision to protect your mind, lest you see something that you could not comprehend."

"Lady, I comprehend more than you know," Frazer said, getting to his feet. In truth, Roosevelt surprised him; he had thought only spoiled white kids gave a damn about the environment. "Have I seen you somewhere? You play basketball for the University of Florida?"

Roosevelt shook his head.

"Never mind," Frazer said. "You and Miss Nemo-whatever are going to prison for a very long time. So fuck whatever your demands are and fuck saving the whales. You can let me go or you can saw my head off, but the great State of Florida does not negotiate with terrorists."

"You do not serve the State of Florida. You serve Tallahassee. They installed you as King of the Woods, and you set fires at their behest." Diana did not seem like such a hippie anymore; her presence resembled Huntsman's, or worse, and Frazer wondered whether worked for Tallahassee after all. Were they testing his loyalty?