Hey everyone! Bella's back baby! 😊 How is everybody doing? I hope y'all are doing good.
So I know I haven't updated my journal since homecoming but that's okay, I'm updating now! I have a lot I need to catch you guys up on.
NOTE: Read no further if you do not care about me or aren't interested in what I have to say.
Okay, so after homecoming Sophie and Troy hooked up-ish, I was devastated and found myself in a slump for a while. So, after a while it actually blew over and everything went back to normal. So that's pretty great. Troy and my relationship is back to the way it was, as well as my friendship with Sophie. So, I'm relieved about that.
I used to use Google+ as my main source of social media. Now they've horribly updated it and everyone hates it but what do you do? I now use Twitter and Instagram most of my social media time. You can follow me at the usernames listed below ⤵️
Instagram: @BellsDawson
Twitter: @BellzDawson
So make sure to follow me on those social media networks! 😊
I also have a bit of bad news I'd like to get off my chest here. One of my best friends on Google+, Erin, might be deleting her account and that's the only way I have contact with her. Troy's even more devastated than I am, but Erin is one of the only reasons I even bother with Google+ anymore, so if she deleted her account I just might delete the app, not my account just the app so I'll become 100% inactive. I'm worried about Troy though, he's really gonna miss her, I know that. So I hope she doesn't delete, that'd make me pretty upset.
I'm going to skip over all the things that are not family-friendly, AKA inappropriate things in my life right now, since this is a PG journal. Check out my latest chapters on my story, "Imagine..." if you wanna know any of those things.
Also, I know winter is coming up and so football season is over right now, but I'm super excited for next season! 😆 It's gonna be absolutely perfect and nothing is going to get in the way of that! I've been preparing for next season since August or September so it better pay off.
Also, I've had a really bad case of like missing old memories lately, it's really weird. I've been thinking about these same couple memories from this past summer for the past two weeks, at least twice a day, I play it over in my head and I feel like it's my core memory (you will get it if you've seen the Disney movie, Inside Out). I can't stop thinking back to that moment and realizing how much I've grown since then, questioning whether it's a good thing or not. Yes, I've come along way over the past 4 months but I kinda miss the way it used to be. Especially with Troy and me. Okay I have to admit, our relationship over the summer was me crushing on him and him not giving a damn thought about it. I was like desperate times 100 though and that wasn't fun. I developed a less extreme form of self-harm and was constantly pinching and ripping my skin apart and I had what looked like tiny little mosquito bites covering every inch of my wrist because I didn't wanna be thinking about the emotional pain Troy put me through. I mean, he's changed a lot compared to how he was over the summer. It's a good and bad thing though. He's really good to me, we're best friends now and we'd literally probably die for each other if we had to. And that wasn't necessarily a bad thing until it became an addiction. We became extremely addicted to each other and didn't know how to stop being all over each other all the time. We're still like that to this day. Sophie bet I couldn't go a week without acting that way toward Troy and I couldn't even go one day. We have a serious problem and I don't know what to do about it. Now our relationship from the summer wasn't exactly healthy either, but I believe it was probably more healthy on his behalf considering I could hardly believe he even had a mind of his own. The only thing that bothered me about how it was then, was I only got back maybe 10% of what I gave in those relationships and that was no matter what I did. I hated that, but I kind of liked it better because I had something to work up to. I have to admit, I honestly despise the way Troy and I work together now. We're literally madly in love with each other and have a serious addiction to each other that is actually a problem. I'm getting tired of it but we literally can't stop! In the summer, we couldn't even start for god's sake! I'm gonna try real hard to break this addiction, but I bet you anything it ain't gonna happen. I was much healthier in August than I have been over the past 3 months combined in terms of relationships. But the possibilities of it changing (back to the way it was or something different) are about as rare as Troy and my relationship occurred in August. And that was rare. REALLY rare. We'll just see what happens now. Not that I want to, but I'm gonna have to.
