Chapter Twelve

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When I return home on Saturday, after kissing Jude for much longer than I should have done, and managing to finally do up the bra he undid, it hits me. I’ve just tumbled into a relationship with Jude.

Oh bloody hell. I don’t even know what I think about it, and that’s what worries me. Though his kisses were enough to make me say yes- a spur of the moment decision without consideration of the implications or consequences- I’m still feeling shell shocked about the entire event.

To be fair, Jude seemed pretty surprised about the whole thing too. I’d kind of been expecting him to have a smug ‘I knew it was going to happen’ style attitude towards it, but he seemed to have the same approach to it as me; i.e., I’m not sure what just happened, but what the hell, lets just make out.

I never thought I was a slut, but after those steamy make out sessions, I definitely feel like one. I pretty much just let him do whatever he wanted to me, and instead of pushing him away, I responded feverishly, I actually made him moan. I don’t think I’ve ever made a boy moan before. Though, I think I did my fair share of moaning, which I’ve never done before as result of kissing.

The taste of him is still lingering on my lips, and I had to pull my hood up when I came in, having realised that my hair is crazily mussed up and tousled by Jude’s fingers.

I have no idea what to do. When we finally managed to prise ourselves away from each other, Jude said he would ring me, and had to dash off to get to work (he was already running late.)

And so, I do the only thing I can do: ring Jessie.

‘Kyra!’ she greets me, down the phone.

‘Hello,’ I reply.

‘To what do I owe the pleasure of you calling, babe?’ she asks me.

‘Well,’ I start, with a hefty sigh. ‘I have some rather big news, but I have no idea how it happened.’

‘You’re not pregnant, are you?!’ Jessie exclaims. ‘Because you should know how it happens by now.’

‘Of course I’m not!’ I say indignantly. ‘What do you think of me?’

Jessie chuckles, then says, slyly. ‘Well, you are spending so much time alone with Jude…’

I groan. ‘Well, that’s just it,’ I tell her. ‘He asked me out… and I said yes.’

Silence.

To have rendered Jessie silent is quite some feat.

‘Jessie?’

‘I knew there was something between you!’ she says, rather weakly. ‘But I had no idea you liked him like that, Ky, why didn’t you say?’

‘Well, that’s the problem. I don’t like him.’

‘Then why did you say yes?’

‘Because he was kissing me, and I couldn’t think straight, and… oh bloody hell Jessie, I don’t know what I feel for him! It was so sudden, and I…’ I sit down on the edge of my bed, with my head in my hands.

‘Okay, I’m coming over,’ she tells me, and I hear her pulling on her coat. ‘I want to hear this from you face to face so I know what you think.’

‘Can you tell me when you find out?’

‘Huh?’

‘When you work out what I think, please let me know, because I have no idea what’s going on in my head.’

She laughs, and it isn’t long before I hear her knocking on the door, and run down to let her in.

‘So you’re going out with Jude?’ Jessie clarifies, pulling off her coat. It’s a good job that no one’s in the house at the moment, because I don’t want anyone to hear about this.

I nod. ‘Yeah.’ I can’t think of anything else to reply with.

‘How? Have you two gotten close or something?’ She looks at me expectantly.

‘Well, he kept be a total… well, he was just being Jude, flattering me without meaning any of it, trying to kiss me…’

‘So he liked you a lot?’

‘I thought he was just being his usual self! Isn’t that what he does to all girls?’ I ask her.

Jessie shakes her head. ‘I know he’s always been a bit of a charmer, but I don’t think he does that to every girl.’

I scrunch up my nose. ‘I hated him at first though. He just annoyed me with all his flirting and immaturity.’

‘I’m guessing that that all changed then?’

‘Well no,’ I reply. ‘He’s still annoying and immature. But we have such a chemistry, and I’ve never been kissed the way that he kisses me.’

‘Hmm.’ Jessie gazes at the wall, as if that will give her answers. ‘Well, this is a pickle.’

‘I know,’ I sigh. ‘And I don’t know what to do about it!’

‘Aww, sweetie.’ Jessie pulls me into a hug. ‘Don’t worry. From what I can see, there are two options. Either you ring him now and tell him that when you said yes, it was a complete mistake, and that now you’ve changed your mind-’

I frown. ‘I would feel a bit bad doing that.’

‘Well, then you could carry on with the relationship, see how it goes- give it a chance.’ She squeezes my hand gently. ‘It could be the best thing that ever happened to you, babe.’

‘I doubt that,’ I say darkly. ‘But you’re right, I should probably give it a chance.’

‘That’s my girl!’ Jessie tells me. Her enthusiasm that this will work seems to have infected me a bit, though I’m still very much unsure about this whole thing. Jude and I don’t fit together… so why are we together?

*
Jude rings me Sunday morning. ‘Foxy, my girl!’ he exclaims, as soon as I pick up.

‘Callahan,’ I reply.

‘Well, now that I can make out with you as much as I’d like to, I was wondering if you wanted to come by after I finish work?’ he asks. Why at the word make out do I find myself feeling all excited already?

‘What time?’ I ask.

‘You know, Foxy, I was half expecting you to tell me you’d changed your mind, and that I was an annoying little toe-rag,’ he says, sounding amused.

‘You still are,’ I answer. Because he is.

‘You just like my lips then?’ He sounds even more amused now.

‘Maybe.’

‘I’m deeply hurt by this, Foxy.’

‘Good. Now, what time?’

‘You’re a confusing one, Ky,’ he tells me. ‘But you can come around… er half three?’

‘Come where?’

He snickers at this. ‘Anywhere, as long as I’m there with you, babe.’

I sigh. ‘Seriously? Where?’

He tells me where he works, a little café place just on the outside of town. I promise to be there, and, at half three, I am.

He comes out of the café almost as soon as I get there, eagerly looking round for me. He looks as gorgeous as ever, his hair all tousled and messy, and for a moment, I’m shocked when I remember that he’s actually my boyfriend. He could quite clearly pick from any of the far more good looking girls that there are at school who don’t hate his guts.

He spots me, and his face lights up with his dazzling smile. Then, before I can even say anything, he strides over, and kisses me, right in the middle of the street.

It’s just as amazing as I remembered, and makes me clutch at him rather dramatically as he deepens the kiss. I lock one leg around his, tango style, which makes him smile against my lips, before slipping his tongue further into my mouth, outlining the curve of my lower lip, exploring the rest of it, flirting with my own tongue.

When we finally break apart, he looks at me. ‘Enjoy that, hm?’

I roll my eyes. ‘It was horrible.’

‘Hence your ‘mmm-ing’, as if I taste delicious.’ He folds his arms, and looks at me, defiantly.

‘I do not ‘mmm’!’ I protest, but then his lips are pressed to mine again, and I can’t protest anymore. I try to pay attention to see if I actually do mmm, but Jude is too much of a distraction.

We spend the rest of the day kissing. Not all in the street, of course. We go to a random café, one which he doesn’t work in, and though we order drinks, we spend most of our time fiercely kissing.

People probably think we’re disgusting, and I would never usually be such an exhibitionist, but when I mention it to Jude, he just kisses me again with a roguish smile, and something about his kisses make me unable to think straight, let alone form reasons why I shouldn’t be kissing him so publicly.

When I get home, my lips feeling swollen, a small love bite at the base of my neck making me feel extra self conscious, I sink down onto my bed. Yes, the passion was amazing, but… I don’t know. It kind of feels like something’s missing. But then I think of the way I feel when Jude kisses me, when he presses those little fairy kisses all down my neck…

It’s the kind of thing I thought I’d only read about it books. Whenever I kissed boys before, it had always been a bit of a disappointment: no fireworks, no amazing feelings, it just felt kind of nice. But with Jude, it’s like we’re both characters out of a novel, the passion as fierce, the kisses as risqué and hot. And I can’t give that up, not now… can I?

I won’t tell him that I enjoy his kisses so much. And as for my doubts… well, we’ve only been together a day! That’s hardly enough time to decide if we’re meant to be together, is it?

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