It Takes Two To Tango

Chapter Twenty Eight

The next few days fly past. Jude and I practice the routine to perfection, so much so that I find myself dreaming about dancing it (only, in my dreams, the dance routine ends with Jude pressing his lips to mine, and kissing me gently, delicately, making sure I’m happy for him to carry on before continuing. Sadly, that hasn’t ever happened in a rehearsal. But a girl can dream, can’t she?!)

Jude and Luke have sat with us every lunch time since his announcement, and already, they’re easily part of the group.

I don’t know what makes them so suited to our little group, but they really are. Not only are they both extremely funny, they just seem genuinely friendly and eager to make friends with us all.

All too soon, it’s the last rehearsal before the competition. I meet Jude half an hour earlier than usual so we can fit in a bit more practice before we can do no more and have to stop.

‘Ready to roll, Foxy?’ he asks me, slinging off his bag and pulling off his hoodie, his t-shirt riding up a little as he does so, revealing the defined contours of his stomach. His skin looks very smooth. I find myself wanting to run my fingers across it, or even better, press little fairy kisses along it’s length. Oh goodness, not a good idea. If I start kissing parts of his body, he’ll think I’m going mad.

I nod, tearing my eyes away from his stomach as he yanks his t-shirt down to cover it up. Luckily, or I don’t think I could dance with such a distraction.

I switch on the music, and we get into the starting position: me, sat all hunched up on the floor, Jude a few metres away.

In time to the music, Jude comes up behind me, and lifts me smoothly into his arms, spinning me around, twirling my body out so my arms fling out around his neck, and our foreheads meet.

Sarah said that it was the best beginning possible, because it showed a level of intimacy. I refrained from mentioning that I’d rather like to get a good deal more intimate than we were being.

We continue dancing, completing the piece with no mistakes at all. The entire thing went perfectly.

‘Amazing,’ Jude says, as soon as he lets me down from the ending position. ‘Amazing, amazing, amazing.’

‘You alright there?’ I ask him, feeling rather amused by his somewhat dazed expression.

He nods, with a gorgeous smile, and runs a hand through his hair, mussing it all up sexily.

‘Sure?’ I check, grinning back.

He shrugs. ‘Well, I’m just kind of blown away by the whole thing. I absolutely love our dance, Foxy, really I do.’

‘I’m glad to hear it,’ I tell him, and I am. I think one of the main things that affected our performance is his confidence. The new, assertive side of him which announced his secret hobby to the entire Sixth Form has definitely made his dancing so much more pronounced and self assured.

I guess his confidence has helped me too. When I dance with him, I feel as if I’m properly being led around the room, as if he properly understands the tone of the song, and is acting it out to it’s full extent.

It isn’t hard for me to act out the meaning of the song, though, I reflect, as we get ready to do one last run through before the end of the session. The piece of music we chose has very emotional, beautiful lyrics, so it was kind of inevitable that the story behind the song was going to have to be about a couple completely and utterly in love with each other.

Jude actually suggested it. I couldn’t have had the nerve to say the words ‘in love’ to him, not without turning beetroot red and wanting to curl up into a ball with shame at my audacity.

So we worked on making the dance as flowing and beautiful as possible, trying to get the beauty of love across, while also working in some very complex moves, which, if I was going deep, I would say showed the complexity of some things you have to go through in love. The ending, with Jude cradling me to him is a happy one, and I can only wish that our ending had been happy. We’ve been through the complexities and the passion of love, but sadly we haven’t had the happy ending I want so badly.

Well, at least I’m still dancing with him, I suppose. That’ll be plenty for me. Secretly, I know that it’s not enough, never will it be enough. I just want him in a romantical sense, but I don’t think that that will ever happen, not now.

We finish the routine, and as Jude sets me gently back down onto the floor, he softly brushes some hair out of my face, looking me tenderly in the eyes before going over to warm down.

I stay where I am, savouring the feel of his skin on mine, shutting my eyes to relive the expression in his eyes. I’m probably exaggerating what was there, but I can’t help revelling in the possibility that he might have looked at me like that, that he smoothed hair away from my face in what could be described as an affectionate gesture.

I open my eyes. Jude is looking at me from the other side of the room, one eyebrow cocked. ‘You okay, Foxy?’ he asks, striding over to my side, and putting one hand on each of my arms, studying my face.

I nod, smiling at him, thrown off by his proximity to me, and wondering if I could get away with ‘accidentally’ stumbling into him and brushing my lips against his. No, probably not.

‘You looked a bit dizzy there,’ he tells me, sounding concerned, and I look properly at him, smiling to try and assure him that really, I’m fine, but he doesn’t look convinced.

‘Well, have a sit down anyway.’ He steers me to a chair, and gently pushes my shoulders so I sit down in it.

I look up at him from the chair, raising an eyebrow as if to say ‘happy now?’

He chuckles. ‘Just don’t be ill for tomorrow, Foxy, my girl. I don’t fancy dancing alone.’

‘I’m not ill, Jude, don’t worry,’ I reassure him, standing back up, and reaching up to affectionately rumple his hair up. I ignore how delicious his soft curls feel against my skin.

‘All the same, I’m giving you a lift home,’ he tells me. ’You’re not walking.’

‘Fair enough,’ I say, and so he does.

As he drops me off at home, having made me laugh for the entire short journey back, he hugs me gently, telling me to get a good night’s sleep.

I nod. ’I will. You too.’

‘I’ll see you in the morning, then.’

I hop out of the car. ’Thanks for the lift.’

‘You’re welcome. I like playing the dashing knight saving a damsel in distress every now and again,’ he says, winking at me.

‘You did a marvellous job, Sir Jude, though whether I was a damsel in distress or not is debateable,’ I reply, unable to stop smiling at him.

He laughs. ’Oh Foxy, you are definitely never in distress, but a fair damsel you most certainly are.’

My mum has opened the door of the house, and is looking out, probably wondering why I’m lingering about with Jude’s car door half open.

I turn to look at him, and wave goodbye, shutting the door. He winds down the window immediately.

‘Go on, Callahan,’ I tell him. ‘Gallop off on your noble steed.’

‘As you command, oh beautiful one.’ He winks, then winds the window back up, and drives off.

I feel all glowing inside as I go into the house. There’s just something so magical about when he teases me, it makes me feel as if there are little explosions going on in my chest, as if my heart is having a little fiesta.

I spend the rest of the evening relaxing. In reality, I’m thinking about Jude the entire time, and wondering if it’s possible to be as smitten with someone as I am with him. He is literally always on my mind.

I decide to have a nice relaxing bath to soothe my nerves, and, lighting plenty of candles, I settle in the warm water, my thoughts most definitely  not heading anywhere near a certain Jude Callahan. And definitely not wanting him in the bath here with me, like you see in those romantical movies.

It would be a disaster: he’d be splashing all over the place with that cheeky grin on his face, and soaping his hair up into different shapes to make me laugh at him. Not relaxing at all. So why that brought a huge beam to my face, I don’t know. But I don’t want him in the bath with me. Of course not. I’ll just settle for a rubber duck and some bubble bath.

When it’s time for bed, I reluctantly get out of the cooling water, drying myself off, feeling so relaxed and calm that I’m very much ready to settle down for a refreshing sleep. Just as I’ve pulled my pyjamas on, I hear a soft knock on the door, and my mum pokes her head around the corner.

‘Kyra?’

‘Are you okay?’ I ask, wondering what she’s doing. ‘Is everything alright?’

She smiles. ‘Everything’s fine. I just wanted to let you know that whatever happens at the competition, Ky, I’m very, very proud of you. Even if you come last, even if you get disqualified, I’m so proud of you.’

Hearing these words from my mum makes my jaw drop a little. ‘Really? Even if something went really wrong?’

‘Of course,’ she tells me, genuinely. ‘You’re doing what you love, and you’re brilliant at it. Competitions don’t matter. It’s lovely to win them, but they shouldn’t be what’s driving you.’

‘They aren’t,’ I tell her. ‘They never have been.’

‘I know,’ she replies. ‘But I’ve been driving you with only winning in mind. And that was very wrong of me, Kyra.’ She pauses. ‘I should have realised that it wasn’t going to make you love it. I just focused on achieving, when I should have been focusing on you. I was very wrong, for all of these years, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am.’

‘Oh Mum!’ I pull her into a hug. ‘Don’t apologise! Without you, I wouldn’t even be dancing right now-’

‘But I pushed you too hard, Kyra. I just want to let you know that all that’s over now. Of course, I’ll be over the moon if you win, but I’ll be over the moon if you’ve enjoyed yourself too.’

I feel all emotional.

Ever since I started dancing, my mum has made it clear that to be the best was the only way forward. So I’ve been focusing on competitions and contests for as long as I can remember.

Thinking about it, it was only when Jude became my partner that he made me concentrate on the dancing, and forget that I was dancing to compete. He made me feel as if dancing in his arms was the only thing that mattered, and the only thing that would ever matter.

When my mum has gone, and I’m lying in bed, mulling over all that just happened, I can’t help but thank my lucky stars for Jude. Without him, I don’t think I could have had the strength to face up to my parents. I couldn’t have ever got this far, or being enjoying dance this much if I were dancing with Dan, and nor would I be this content with life.

With Dan, it was always a consistent struggle to get him to try and feel something, to try and make him produce that chemistry. With Jude, it all comes so easily, that I don’t even have to think about it properly. He makes it all feel as easy as breathing, our feet moving to the same rhythm with a connection that feels like a sixth sense.

The feelings he gives me are beyond what I ever thought I could experience by dancing. He fills my mind, day and night, and I know now that I am completely and head over heels in love. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Every other crush faded quickly, but I just know that this ‘crush’ is here to stay. For the long term.

Okay, so in the beginning, I liked him for his looks. I wasn’t bothered by his character, I was just swept away by his kisses and mistook the chemistry for us being meant to be. But then, as we grew as friends, I realised that the chemistry did signal that we were meant to be, it was just that we over did on the kissing.

 By jumping the gun, and getting together before we really knew each other properly, I think I messed up my only chance with Jude. I can dream of getting back together with him, but I don’t think it will ever happen. I made it all too clear that I only wanted to be friends, and he seems to respect me enough to not stray from friendly like behaviour.

Despite calling me gorgeous, I think that’s just how we are as friends. And even though friends just isn’t enough for me, I’m beyond lucky to have Jude as a friend. He’s supportive, he’s caring, he’s always got my best interest at heart… and I love him. In much, much more than a friendly way: in a feverish, passionate, romantical way.

Oh snap. I’m in such a pickle.

Turning over for the hundredth time, I snuggle into my bed. No point wasting sleep over it. This is how it is, and there is nothing I can do about it. I just have to face up to the facts that I’ve lost Jude in a romantical sense, and learn to live with the loss that that brings.