Living Forever Is Hard (Demon!Levi)

One more chip in my broken heart

(Here comes the sadness!!! Oh and if you aren't enjoying this do tell me. Thank you.)

Numb. My entire body was numb and not the good type of freshly fucked out numb. No this was a strange hurty numb. I barely felt the pain in my ankle as Erwin bandaged it. Petra used do stuff like this, she would say 'you may be a demon but you need to look after yourself.' She always cared for me when Erwin wasn't around. But now she can't do that anymore... I refused to let tears fall from my eyes but they came anyway. I lay back on my bed sobbing silently. I hoped Erwin wouldn't notice but when I felt my tail sneak between my legs I knew he would. My shoulders shook, both my hands flew to my face. Why was I crying? Countless people have come and gone in my life! But now I've lost my squad it feels like my life is falling apart. Why this squad? Why these people?

"You miss Petra." Erwins voice made me open my eyes. I didn't notice him come sit next to me. "Petra was a close friend, they all were. That's why you're sad, you miss them." Erwin wiped the tears off of my cheeks. He gathered me in his arms and held me close. I do miss them. If Eren had just listened to my orders... I felt anger bubble inside me. "It's Jaegers fault." I mutter. I hear Erwin sigh above me. "No it's not."
"Yes it is, if he just followed my orders they'd be fine!" I shouted at him but didnt pull away from his embrace.
"Levi, stop. Do you have any idea how he feels? He thinks it's his fault too. No one could have predicted what happened. It's not your fault, it's not Erens fault, it's that traitor. Whoever they are, it's their fault." Erwins voice only partly raised.

I sink into his arms. He was right. "I want to see Eren," I say quietly, "He's all alone in the basement." Erwin lets go of me and helps me back into some clothes. He helps me hobble into the basement. We could hear sobs coming from the other end of the hallway. Eren was sat in the corner of the bed against the wall, arms wrapped around himself. I leant forwards so I could hold one of the bars and my bad foot scuffed against the floor. Eren looked up startled. It took him a moment before he reacted, he tried to stand and salute. Sloppily stumbling over his own feet. He tried to wiped his face and salute at the same time.

"Jaeger stop," I say wirily, "We aren't here offically." He seemed almost stunned. His face fell and he sat on the edge of his bed. He put his head in his hands. "I'm sorry Captain. I'm so sorry." Erens shoulders began to shake. Damn, he's making it harder and harder for me not to care about him. "Eren, don't be sorry, there isn't any reason for you to be sorry." I don't know what to say to him, Petra normally handled this type of stuff.
"But I could have saved them. If I'd just used my head and made the right choice they'd still be here and you wouldn't be hurt or sad!" Erens words made my eyes go wide.

"Look Eren, this isnt your fault, some people are just so sick and twisted that they'd harm their own kind. And yes I feel sad but I've lost some many people in my life I've gotten used to it. People die and we can't change that." We all stand in silence for a moment. I turn and start walking away, Erwins hands coming to support me. A small "Thank you, sir," rings from down the hall. It's okay Eren, thank you as well.

"Fuck! NO!" I wake shouting. Every one of my sense are blurry and wrong. I dont know where i am. Petra, Eld what happened? Is it raining outside. Thunder? I don't know. Help someone. Hide. Hide. Hide! I scramble out of the sheets and go to get out of bed but I can't. Two strong arms wrap around my waist and chest. Instinctively I attack, biting down on the arm around my chest. "Damn it, Levi!" A very familiar voice shouts as the arms let go. I fall to the floor and turn over pushing myself back. Then my eyes focus.

I'm home, in my room. Not on the battle field trying to defend my squad. Erwin sits on the bed looking at his arm with a furrowed brow. I watch blood rise from the deep wound and slowly slip down the side of his arm. When he meets my eyes I can't take it, I quickly crawl around the end of our bed and slip under. I curl up right at the top end. "Levi, come on." Erwin says from above me. The bed creaks as he moves to get off. There's a dull throb in my ankle, I must have knocked it. Tears formed in my eyes. I've had nightmares before, I've had complete freak outs before but I've never hurt Erwin. This time I actually bit him, I lost control. I try and curl up tighter.

"Levi, come out." I don't want to look at him. He's going to be angry at me. I hear him sigh heavily. Maybe he'll go back to bed. Nope, seconds later I feel a big hand grab my good ankle. I struggle a bit but I can't do much. I look away as soon as I'm fully out, contemplating trying to hide again. I move to go back under but he grabs me around he chest. "Stop." He says, using a commanding tone as if scolding a cadet. "Stop hiding, Levi. Hiding from me isn't going to do you any good. You don't need to hide from me. Who would come save you when it thunders if you're gonna hide from me, huh?" His tone becaming softer and softer as he spoke. I relaxed a tad, letting him pull me closer, in a tight hug behind. His other arm held me around my shoulders, letting me grab hold of something. "I bit you." I mumble.
"Yeah, I noticed." At first I couldn't tell if he was joking or not, until he bent down and kissed the back of my neck.
"I'm sorry." I felt him nuzzle my neck.
"It's okay, you were in quite a tis." Erwin let go of me and stood up, before picking me up as well and carrying me back to bed. I snuggled close to him, rubbing my cheek on his chest as another apology. "I need to talk to Armin Arlet but I think I've got a plan on how we can catch the female titan." Erwin whispered against my hair.

(So that's all for this one. I got a bit of writer block at the end here so I decided to stop, instead of writing something I didn't like. So yeah the next chapter will be even more sad, fun!)