Living Forever Is Hard (Demon!Levi)

My wall

(Okay, so I'm not gonna call this part a Spoiler because I'm going to assume most of the people in the fandom know Erwin loses his arm... Sorry if you didn't already know. I'm not going to write about how he loses it because lots of people who haven't read the manga don't know. Please enjoy.)

It was quiet; only the wind outside our window could be heard. It's the night before an experdition and as per traditon I'm incased in Erwins strong arms. Normally I'd curl into his side and we'd sleep but on experdition nights we do this. It's like we're saying good bye or wishing each other luck without actually forming the words. After all this could be our last night together. You'd think we'd fuck like animals until the sun came up but no, it's always quiet. I've noticed that on these nights he does the things he enjoys the most, like stroking my tail or playing with my hair. It's like he's trying to savour the feel of my skin.

It had been tough lately. Over the last month Erwin's been helping me back on my feet, holding me at night, letting me cry in his arms after a tough day. It was different and hard to get used to. I felt lost for the first few weeks, at points Mike or Hanji would find me numbly wandering the halls, lost in my head. But the moment I was brought back to Erwin everything felt meaningfull again. He's my wall. Turns out I really do need him. I remember many, many years ago before I joins the corps, I would lose someone and hide away, not resurfacing for months at a time. But now I had him. He holds me when I'm frightened, he wipes my tears when I cry, he holds my hand when I'm lonely... To tell you the truth I'd fall apart without him now.

The sun shined in my eyes through a gap in the curtains, I hadn't even realised I'd fallen asleep. I still lay wrapped in his arms. Lips gently touched my forehead, lingering for a moment before a deep husky voice said, "It's raining." I focused on listening for a moment and true to his word it was in fact raining, but no thunder. "I'm still going." I say. This mission was important and risky, I was going whether he liked it or not. "Come on, we best get ready." I try to roll off his chest but his arms secure me there.
"Levi." He starts to speak but I'm not letting him talk me out of this.
"No, I don't want to hear it. I'm not staying behind every fucking time the weather gets shitty. This is the first experdition since my squad got attacked! If I don't show up, what will the public think of me? Huh?"
"Levi, you're not coming."

I ignore him and squirm out of his grip. I'm going and that'sFUCK! As soon as I stand pain shoots through I'm ankle causing me to collapse. Erwin is, of course, by my side in seconds. "I'm still fucking going." I speak through gritted teeth, grabbing the dresser and attempting to stand again. My good leg shakes as I place most of my weight on it. It should have fucking healed by now, what the fuck? I try again but when I try to withstand the pain tears prick to my eyes. Arms slip behind my back and under my legs. I allow Erwin to pick me up, my foot really does hurt and as much as I hate it, I want hugs because of it. "If you'd stayed in bed, like I said and let it heal, like I said then you'd be able walk today and you'd be able to accompany me on this mission. But no, my little demon knew best and continued to try and use it. Now look where you are, barely able to stand by yourself."
Well that was the harshest 'I told you so' I've ever gotten. I hate it when he's right because fuck me does he rub it in. I was placed back in bed and there was no more arguing about it; I was staying here.

Okay, a little worried now. They haven't come back yet... And its almost getting dark. I tried to hobble to the window only to get halfway and remember our window looks out on the stables and courtyard, in the back. So I got back in bed and tried to focus on a book. It's about three hours later and I've read about two pages... I get lost in my thoughts for a while until I hear noise outside. Horses! I fly out of bed and hobble my way over to the window to see if they're back. And yes they are but there's an unusual amount of chaos. Everyone seemed panicked. I sit back down... this can't be good.

Where the fuck is Erwin! He'd come straight here, right? Where is he?! Fuck! Fuck! I can't fucking stand long enough to look myself. Goddamn it. I try and slow my breathing, I need to stay calm. A knock on the door broke my calm. "Erwin?" I ask. Slowly the door opens. You're not Erwin... Mike steps inside, shutting the door behind him quietly. Not good, not good. The look on his face tells me that. He sat heavily on the bed, making me bounce a little. I creep around, almost scared to look at his face. "Mike?" My voice was feeble, tiny. "Mike? What's happened?" I had to prepare for the worst.

"He's not dead..." were Mike's first words to me. "But he's not good." His voice, normally so strong and proud, was hurt and small. "His arm..." I felt my bottom lip quiver as Mike spoke, "It's gone." Then came the tears. Gone...
"Where is he? I need to see him." I tried my hardest not to let my voice crack.
"They're patching him up, I couldn't... I couldn't watch that... all the blood... fuck." I know that Mike and Erwin have been friends since their cadet days, I can't imagine what Mike has witnessed and how it will effect him.

I place my forehead on his shoulder from behind. I'm not good at giving affection to other people, it was my way of keep people away, if I act rough on the outside people would keep their distance. One of his hand came up to gently stroke my head. It was like he was petting a dog after his girlfriend broke up with him; silent reassurance that he was loved by something. "You know, he really cares about you Levi," Mike mutter quietly, hand still on my head, "Just before he passed out he said 'Don't you dare let Levi come before my arm is bandaged. He's too fragile, he won't like it.' He's always thinking of you." I smile sadly, yeah that man is too stupid for his own good.

Finally Mike was taking me to see Erwin. He had most of my weight as we slowly hobbled down the hall. A young women from the medic squad came running down the hall but stopped when she reached us, "I was just coming to get you Captain Levi, sir. The Commander wouldn't stop asking for you." We go as fast as we can and adventually reach the the room Erwin is in. I open the door before Mike can knock. Tears well again at the sight before me. His chest heaves hard, his eyes struggle to stay open let alone focus. His hand lifts weakly and that's all the invitation I need. I slip from Mikes grip, ignoring the pain in my ankle and fall to my knees next to his bed. Head in his lap, tears falling free and my hands gripping the sheets on the bed. He allows me to cry, Mike respectfully leaving as soon as he saw Erwin was okay.

As my cries subsided, the hand that's been rubbing the back of my head moves under my chin. Lifting my face and turning it so I look at Erwin. A lazy smile sits on his face, complete with droopy eyes. He lets go and pats the bed next to him. Slowly I get up and curl into his side.
My wall, my big strong wall is broken, yet somehow I can still lean on it without it falling...