Alive-Not by choice (boyxboy)

Chapter 3.

*Jaydons POV*

I was woken up to the sound of someone moving around in the room. I squinted my eye's and saw Evan walking around the room, not even bothering to be quiet. I groaned and pulled the quilt over my head and fell back asleep. 

Once I woke up again, Evan had gone. I had no idea where nor do I care. I sat my self up a little bit, to look at the clock that was on the wall. 12:00. Everything was quiet. Nobody was out in the corridor, or walking out side. Around by Blue anyway. Wonder where they are. Then again I don't really care.

I didn't care about anything no more. No one cared about me. I was alone. I doubt even Amy would care about me anymore, that hurt, thinking that. Amy used to be the one of the only people I knew I could count one when all other's failed me. I used to think she'd alway's be there for me, no matter what. I used to think that about my friend's also. Even know, where I have 3 people who seem to like me. They don't know nothing about me, so that could all change very soon. I feel alone when II'm even around them. It's like that saying 'Have you ever felt alone? Even though you're standing in a room full of people?' Yeah. Well that feel's like my life right now. 

My thought's were interrupted by a knock on the door, I really wanted to tell who ever it was to fuck of, but I decided against that and told them to come in instead. I turned my head so I could see who had disturbed me, and I was Jace standing there looking quite angry.

'What?' I asked.

'Why aren't you in your lesson's? You've missed 2 period's already, and don't say you didn't know where to go, because Evan has the same timetable as you, you could have easily have asked him. And don't think about playing the 'I didn't know school was today' card, because I told you all this yesterday.' He ranted on.

I just shrugged. 'Didn't want to go' And with that I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, I heard Jason sigh.

'I'm sorry Jaydon, I did'nt mean to have a go at you like that. It's just that I want to help you that's all. I have no idea why you tried to kill your self, and I'm not going to pressure you in to telling me. But you should know, I'm here to help you. Jaydon I care'

'No, You don't care. You care because it's your job to care' I pointed out.

Jason sighed and walked out the room. 

There's a new one, people telling me they care. When they really don't. He only care's because he has to care, not because he want's to care. It's not like I want someone to care. No. That will make it harder when I end it all. It's just- I don't even know what I want. Before I could stop my self, I was crying. And crying hard. I needed a release and I knew exactly how to get it. I reached down for my backpack, and fumbled around in there till I found what I was looking for. My razor. I'm so glad the nurses never noticed me slipping this in to my backpack. I dismantled the razor and pressed the blade in to my skin. It felt like such a relief when I saw the blood draw, I watched it as it dripped down my arm. The pain I should have been feeling felt like pleasure. I placed the blade to my arm again. And Again. and Again. I lost count how many time's I did cut, but when I did stop my arm was full of cut's. Some deep, that will be sure to scar. Some not so deep. Throughout cutting, I never stopped crying. And I still was now 5 minute's later. For some reason crying alway's made me sleepy, and before I knew it I'd fallen asleep crying.

'WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?' Someone shouted. I felt someone's hand, give me a sharp slap across the cheek which woke me up.

'What the hell Evan?' I said, dazed and confused, rubbing my cheek.

'No. You, what the hell?' He said, grabbing a hold of my arm. I looked my arm. The one full of cut's. I tried to snatch it back from him but he had a firm grip on my arm. How stupid could I have been to fall asleep, knowing I have cut's on my arm and leave them on show? Next time, I'm doing it on my leg. No one ever see's my leg's anyway.