05 | Maddie

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I've already been in the work uniform for the pet store for an hour before Michael picks me up. At first, when I for sure had the job, I was excited. Now, my entire body is jittering and I think I'm going to vomit.

I've never had a job before, and this one just came too easy. I don't want to mess up. I'm sure if it was that easy to hire me, it would be just as easy to get rid of me.

As soon as I get in Michael's car, he notices my stress immediately. I'm sure it's emulating from my body.

"You're literally going to be taking care of dogs the whole time, relax."

I give him a smile and try to loosen my muscles and relax into his passenger seat. Of course, I'm still thinking about Ashton, and how I wish he was here to ease my fears. He always, somehow, seems to be the only one who can do that.

Michael even, very kindly, turns his music down and his heat up for me. But no matter how much I try to think positively, my body is still anxious.

When we arrive at the mall, I have to take a moment to actually relax before we go in. I lean over in my seat and take a deep breath, because I really do feel like I'm going to throw up now.

"Mad, I'll be there the whole time," Michael promises me, "Nothing bad is going to happen."

"Thanks, Mikey," I sit up and take another deep breath before unbuckling my seatbelt. I don't even know what I'm so worried about.

As we walk toward the mall, Michael slings his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into him. I try to find comfort in his embrace like I would with Ashton, but it's not the same. I wish I would stop missing him so that I could get on with my life.

I try my best to stop thinking of him and think about the opportunity I'm about to have, as we head up the escalators and to the pet store. Rather than working in retail or food service, I get to take care of animals for hours and get paid for it.

But, of course, as soon as I start thinking about anything else, we have to pass PacSun.

I immediately glance inside -- I can't even force myself not to -- and Ashton is working. As soon as I see him, it feels like I'm walking in slow motion. He's helping two older, college-aged girls with natural blonde hair that's longer than mine. And he sure looks happy.

He's all smiles, even as he looks up and meets my eyes. I look away and keep walking. Everything is at normal speed again, and I somehow feel a lot worse.

When we reach the pet store, Michael leads the way to the back room to clock in. He puts his employee number in and, as he does, I pull out my phone to look for my own in my notes. I got it once everything was made official, and I tried to memorize it, but I don't think I ever will.

"Hey Maddie," I hear Calum say, resting his hand on my shoulder for a brief moment. I hold my breath and look up at him, trying my best to smile. It probably looks more like a grimace.

"Hey," I breathe out.

Michael moves and gestures toward the machine and I take my turn. Calum only came by to say hi to me, and I can sense that Michael is staring angrily at whatever direction he went without even stealing a glance at him.

"Since when are you and Calum friends?" he spits out once I finish.

I shrug. "Since he kept me from freezing to death on New Years Eve," I answer, and Michael stays silent for a moment. He nods, and we leave it at that.

After taking our coats off and hanging them up, Michael leads the way to an office near the door that goes back to the store. Inside is a girl who doesn't look much older than us -- a college graduate at most -- sitting at a desk and filling something out.

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