Sleep (Phan)

Three

I woke up and groaned as I rubbed my neck. I had fallen asleep on Phil's chest and now my neck hurt from being in such an awkward position. I didn't even realize that I had fallen asleep, but I was glad that I did. I hadn't slept much lately and now that I had I felt a lot better. I wasn't great because Phil still hadn't woken up but he was still alive and that's all I could really hope for. My stomach growled and I realized I had been putting off eating again. I couldn't remember the last time I ate which definitely meant that it had been too long. I stood up and stared down at Phil.

"I'm going to go get something to eat, okay?" I said. "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere."

I smacked my forehead.

"I mean don't do anything. I mean, dammit Dan!"

I rubbed my face and groaned loudly.

"Don't change. Don't get worse. Get better. Wake up. That's all you're allowed to do while I'm gone."

I leaned down and kissed Phil's forehead.

"I love you. I'll be back shortly."

I kissed Phil one more time before leaving his room and shutting the door gently behind me. I made my way to the cafeteria, keeping my eyes on the floor. Phil had been in the hospital for so long that I could probably walk to and from the cafeteria with my eyes closed. I got my food and sat down at a small table in the corner. I don't like socializing even when Phil is around so there's no way in hell I'm going to without him around. I poked my macaroni with my spoon and sighed. I might need to eat, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't want to.

Eat for me. Please, Dan?

Phil's voiced echoed in my head. Every time I had fallen down he had been right there to pick me up. He never judged me for my issues or told me to just "get over them." He stood by my side and helped me every step of the way. There were times when I refused to eat but Phil made me food anyways and sat with me and talked to me until I gave in. He has always been there for me and now it's my turn to be there for him. I can't do that if I don't eat and end up in the hospital myself as well. I sighed and took a bite of my macaroni and cheese, instantly making a face.

"Oh I see you have macaroni and shit."

"What?"

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked up to see a girl with short blonde hair standing in front of me.

"The cheese they use is basically shit in a can."

I made a face.

"Well I guess I'm not eating that now..." I muttered.

"Sorry, mind if I sit?"

I shrugged and watched as she sat down. I did mind, honestly, I didn't want anyone to sit there. I wanted to sit alone and that's why I chose a table as far away from everyone else as I could. Though, being who I am, don't really like to hurt people's feelings so I said I didn't care.

"Orange?"

She held out the small fruit and I hesitated before taking it.

"Thanks."

"Yeah. So who are you here for? Mom? Dad?"

"I'm twenty four."

"Oh sorry." She said. "You look nineteen."

I rolled my eyes. This conversation was not making me feel any better at all.

"And not that it matters I'm here for my bo—" I paused. "My best friend."

"You can say boyfriend." She said. "I don't care. I have a girlfriend."

"He isn't my boyfriend." I said. "He's my best friend."

"Okay."

I rolled my eyes and sighed softly.

"Do you love him?"

"Who the fuck are you?" I snapped. "Why are you sitting here? My best friend has been in a coma for nearly three fucking months and you're telling me it's okay to be gay? I know that! I don't give a shit about that! All I want is for my best friend to wake up and come back home."

I pushed my tray back and stood up quickly. My chair fell onto the floor and I rolled my eyes before walking away. I know it wasn't really right for me to leave the table like that but she was making me feel like shit. I had already been told that Phil might not wake up and she was telling me that it's fine for me to say he's my boyfriend. He isn't my boyfriend. I might want him to be but that isn't going to happen if he doesn't wake up.

I walked quickly back to Phil's room and move the chair a bit closer to his bed. I sat back down and took his hand, smiling slightly as I rubbed the back of it with my thumb. I leaned my head on his shoulder. My phone vibrated against my thigh but I ignored it. The only person that I wanted to talk to was right next to me and right now not another person mattered.

"You know, Phil..." I said. "I think that this is going to bring us closer together. I know that sounds stupid but you risked your life to save mine. That means something. I would love to believe that it means you love me just as much as I love you, but I'm sure you were just being the kind person that you always have been. I guess that I could be wrong, but I don't think that I am. I mean, you're the nicest person ever so it's just in your nature to put others first."

I sighed softly.

"I would give everything to have you love me though..." I swallowed hard and continued speaking. "You saved my life, Phil... again."

I laughed nervously and shook my head.

"And with you being unconscious for so long it's made me realize how much I love you. I've loved you for a long time, but I've realized just how much I do."

I got quiet again and stared straight at the wall. They were an ugly shade of off-white and screamed hospital. I started to feel sick just looking at them. I squeezed Phil's hand and turned back to look at him.

"I need you to wake up..." I said softly. "Please, Phil, you've gotta wake up... I can't do this without you. I need you."

Tears welled up on my eyes again and swallowed hard.

"Without you there's not Dan and Phil. There's just Dan. I'm plain old Dan." I took a small breath in and tried to speak again, my voice getting increasingly shaky. "I'm nowhere near as great alone as I am when I'm with you... people don't love me, they love us, together, me and you, you and me, Dan and Phil, Phil and Dan..."

I sobbed loudly and squeezed Dan's hand even tighter. I started to say something more when a machine started beeping. I jumped as the door burst open and doctors came running in. I couldn't understand anything they were saying and the beeping seemed to get louder and louder. I was shoved out of the room and the door was slammed shut. I tried to get back in but a nurse held me back. I screamed for Phil as the man held me tightly. All of a sudden the whole hall fell silent and my heart dropped. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.