Sleep (Phan)

Five

The next day I found myself back by Phil's side. I wasn't complaining about that because quite honestly my favorite place to be is next to Phil, but I still wish he was awake.

"Oh my God, Phil!" I cried. "I saw the cutest thing the other day and it made me think of you. I was bored out of my mind so I started scrolling through Twitter and someone retweeted a video, I think it was a Vine, and it was a little raccoon and he dropped his candy floss in a puddle and I just wanted to hug him like in that movie Elf!"

I squeezed Phil's hand and sighed.

"Sometimes I really want to punch myself in the face, you know? What am I saying, you don't know! You're perfect."

I chewed on my lip nervously.

"Wake up, you jerk." I said. "This isn't funny anymore. It's been almost two months, Phil. I can't take being alone anymore!"

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Fucking hell, Phil!"

I shook my head.

"I'm sorry..." I said softly. "I just... I really need you, Phil. I can't deal with this. The longer it takes for you to wake up, the more my heart breaks. I'm not going to have a heart left soon. Everyone, myself included, jokes about me being a big, black abyss but if you don't wake up then that's exactly what I'll be!"

I groaned loudly and rubbed my face.

"I know I have other friends and all but I don't care about them." I paused. "I mean, I do, but I care about you the most. I didn't have anyone before you but once I got you everything got so much better and I want it to stay better. I need you around. I mean, I have to have someone to turn off all the lights at night, right?"

I laughed nervously.

"Dammit, Phil, I love you!" I cried. "You can't leave me alone! Please! Wake up and you can tell me all the stupid puns that you want! As many as your wonderful little heart desires."

I stood up again and pressed my lips to Dan's.

"I love you so much." I mumbled, tears falling down my face.

Phil's heart machine started going off and I jumped. Doctors rushed in and crowded the bed; one grabbed me and shoved me out of the room. I kept fighting against him, but a large male nurse grabbed me and held me tightly. Every time I struggled against him, he squeezed my arms tighter and crushed my shoulders. Eventually, I gave up the fight and he let me go. I tried to open Phil's door but it was locked.

I pounded on the door with my fist and the nurse glared at me. I sighed heavily, holding up my hands in defeat. I sulked into the waiting room and sat down, covering my face with my hands. I heard shuffling and looked up to see a little girl in pajamas and pigtails standing in front of me. She was clutching a little brown teddy bear and staring at me. Her bright blue eyes shined underneath the fluorescent hospital lights and made my heart ache as they reminded me so much of Phil's.

"You look sad." She said softly. "Are you sad?"

I forced a smile and looked back down at the floor.

"That's not a real smile, silly." She grinned. "You have to smile for real."

I laughed softly and looked back up at her.

"Hey!" she cried. "You have those things on your face, the little holes! I have those too. This boy Charlie at school likes to poke them all the time. Mummy said he likes me but I don't think he does. He pulls my pigtails sometimes too."

I sighed and she frowned, tilting her head to the side like a confused puppy.

"Why are you sad? Is your mummy here too?"