Migraines and Sore Throats

Chapter 5

"Please let me paint a mental picture portrait, something you won't forget it's all about my forehead and how it is a door that holds back contents that make Pandora's Box's contents look non violent."

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CA: wwoww kar. ya honestly believve i wwould wwatch that movvie just because a the ratin ya gavve it? fuck no, its a ridiculous romantic comedy that i wwouldnt wwatch if it would savve my life.
CA: I cant have my high up social status bein tainted because i decided to take your horrible movvie recommendation an wwatch it.
CG: IT IS A HIGH QUALITY FILM DOUCHEBAG. I THE CHARACTERS EACH HAVE THEIR OWN TRAGIC BACKSTORY. THE MAIN CHARACTER DOESN'T FULLY STOP THEIR LIVES FOR THEIR MATESPRIT AND IT ALSO PORTRAYS HOW SOME MOIRAILS WILL GO TO THE EXTREME, MAYBE EVEN A BIT *TOO* EXTREME.
CG: LISTEN I CAN'Y EXPLAIN IT WELL WITHOUT GIVING AWAY THE WHOLE FUCKING PLOT SO YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO WATCH IT.
CA: i wwont wwatch it.
CA: ya knoww wwhy?
CA: because its RUBBISH.
CG: YOU'RE RUBBISH.
CA: gasp
CA: fuck you kar. your lusus is rubbish.
CG: YEAH WELL YOUR CAPE IS RUBBISH.
CA: your house is rubbish!
CG: YOU'RE BLOOD COLOR IS RUBBISH.
CA: you knoww wwho really is rubbish
CA: vvriska.
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD.
CG: LOOK ERIDAN, I GET THAT YOU HAVE A BLACK CRUSH ON HER BUT DUDE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRING HER UP CONSTANTLY. JUST ASK HER TO BE YOUR KISMESIS.
CA: im nervvous okay.
CG: ISN'T THIS A CONVERSATION YOU SHOULD BE HAVING WITH YOUR MOIRAIL? WHERE EVEN IS FEFERI?
CA: shes vvisitin her lusus.
CA: an this is somethin that needs to be discussed noww kar.
CG: FINE FINE.
CG: ALRIGHT IF YOU'RE TOO NERVOUS JUST
CG: OKAY OKAY. PRACTICE ON ME FIRST.
CA: wwhat?
CG: PRACTICE ASKING HER BY PRETENDING I'M HER. THEN IT'LL BE EASIER FOR THE REAL THING.
CG: I'LL EVEN CHANGE MY TEXT COLOR.
CA: this is fuckin stupid.
CG: DO YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA NOOK SNIFFER?
CA: no.
CA: ugh fine.
CG: OKAY, READY.
CA: hey vvriska
CA: youre fuckin horrible and I hate your guts
CA: ya wanna be my kismesis?
CG: EW NO.
CG: WHY WOULD I EVER CONSIDER YOU A QUADRANT MATE? GO SWIM IN ANOTHER POND, GUPPY.
CA: kar!
CG: WHAT?
CA: wwhat the FUCK wwas that?! ya were supposed to agree!
CG: HEY I'M JUST TRYING TO CAPTURE HER PERSONALITY, WHICH I THINK I DID PRETTY WELL.
CA: wwere tryin that again.
CG: FINE.
CA: hey spider bitch
CA: youre a horrible piece of garbage that aint worth nothin compared to me.
CA: ya wanna be my kismesis?
CG: NO YOU WHORE.
CG: NO ONE CALLS VRISKA SERKET A SPIDER BITCH EVEN THOUGH I AM THE BIGGEST BITCH IN ALL THE PLANET.
CG: NOW I'M GONNA USE MY OVER USED MIND CONTROL TO MAKE YOU CONFESS YOUR LOVE TO EVERY TROLL IN ALL EXISTENCE, INCLUDING THE EMPRESS
CA: kar wwhat the fuck.
CG: I AM NOT KARKAT. I AM VRISKA 8ITCH SERKET.
CG: YOU CAN TELL IT'S ME 8ECAUSE I'VE STARTED REPLACING MY B'S WITH THE NUMBER EIGHT 8ECAUSE EIGHT IS MY FAVORITE NUMBER. ::::)
CG: ALSO 8ECAUSE I'M THE LUCKIEST MOTHERFUCKER AROUND.
CA: holy shit kar
CA: im literally laughin
CA: an seahorse dad is just lookin at me like im fuckin crazy
CG: YOU ARE. BUT NO ONE'S CRAZIER THAN I BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON I THINK IT'S OKAY TO BE A BITCH TO EVERYTHING, INCLUDING NON LIVING THINGS.
CG: OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT. I'M AFRAID IF I PRETEND TO BE HER FOR TOO LONG I'LL ACTUALLY TURN INTO HER.
CA: that wwas funny though.
CA: noww wwhen i ask her ill be thinkin a that cockamamie vvriska impersonation ya just did.
CA: thanks kar
CG: YEAH. DON'T FUCKING MENTION IT OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS.
CA: uh huh sure ya will.

Karkat grinned and looked at the screen. He had forgotten how much fun it was to talk to Eridan and he wished he would've started talking to him daily much sooner, though he did feel bad that the only reason why he started talking to his royal blooded friend was to distract himself from the pain of "losing" Sollux.