No Games Left to Play

1: Moving On

Still half asleep I roll over in bed reaching to find the comfort and warmth of the boy I haven't felt in so long, only to find the space next me empty and cold. I fully open my eyes and see that Peeta has left.

Disappointed, I toss the sheets off of my frail body and get out off bed. I go to the bathroom and look into the mirror.

"No wonder he didn't stay," I say to my reflection. "He doesn't want to sleep next to this mess."

I decide to take a shower. While I'm combing out the nots from my matted hair, I start to wonder why I was disappointed when I discovered that Peeta was gone. Maybe it's because I missed his embrace more than I want to admit. Or maybe it's because the first night I've slept peacefully since the quell, occurred while I was wrapped in his arms.

I start to scrub my skin raw trying to get these thoughts out of my body. He doesn't love me anymore. How could he? It's my fault he was hijacked by the Capitol. It's my fault that his thoughts and memories will forever be hazy and blurred. But then, if he didn't love me... why would he knock the nightlock pill out of my hand after I killed Coin and not Snow? If he really hated me, why would he not let me die?

Once I'm satisfied with my pink colored flesh and my smooth hair, I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around my body. I avoid the mirror this time, I don't want to see the scars that remind me of the things I can't bare to think about right now. I go to the dresser in my room and pull out a pair of gray sweatpants and a green t-shirt. I get changed and head downstairs. Sae must have came while I was in the shower because I find breakfast on the table with a note.

Katniss,
Here's your breakfast. Fresh bread and scrambled eggs. Peeta made the bread. Eat it. All of it. I had to run some errands so unfortunately I couldn't stay. See you at dinner.
-Sae

I go to the fridge and get out some milk. Even though I don't feel like eating, I know I need to if I want any chance at getting my body back to normal. Prim would want me to stay healthy. Prim.

"Jeez, what is going on in there today?" I say eyeing up to my forehead. I'm so used to not having anything to think about other than how I should be dead.

Once I finish eating, I take my plate and cup to the sink. I wash and dry my dishes and notice another letter next to the loaf of bread that Greasy Sae said Peeta made.

"Does she really need to leave two notes?" I say. "I really need to stop talking to myself. I think I'm going nuts."

I pick up the letter and notice it's Peeta's handwriting.

Katniss,
I made this loaf of bread for you. Sorry I wasn't there when you woke up this morning. I'm going to meet somebody about re-building the bakery. Sae was here when I left and invited me to dinner.
See you then,
Peeta

I put down the letter and walk over to the window that allows me to see the evening primroses that Peeta planted yesterday. I'm glad he thought of this. I really love it. I feel a sense of calm that wasn't there before. I don't know if it's because Peeta is back or if it's because of the roses. Maybe it's just because I've showered and eaten a full meal. I'm just happy that I haven't had to make a list in my head of every act of goodness I've seen someone do.

I head over to the rocking chair in front of the fire. I rock back and forth debating whether or not I want to go hunting when I hear a knock at the door. I wonder who it could be. Greasy Sae has a key and would just come in, plus it's too early for dinner. Haymitch wasn't allowed to drink in thirteen so when he finally got his hands on liquor, he couldn't control himself. He's too drunk to remember he promised to visit so it's not him. Peeta's busy today. No one else visits. Who could it be? I go over to the door and open it.