Eruri Drabble

Endless Cycle

Notes: *attempts angst*

{Not Edited}

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Levi never thought he'd only ever admire the man for his military and strategic skill in battle. He'd ended up being the only person Levi could ever remember trusting with everything he had. He thought it was only trust and yet he found himself wanting more than just being a subordinate to him -- Erwin.

Levi dared to hope that underneath all his hardened layers, there was someone who was cared about him. He knew he shouldn't have, but he ended up getting attached in ways he honestly had never been attached before. On one side of the spectrum it was scary -- he'd never felt like this before -- but on the other end it was thrilling and pleasurable to imagine. He always kept hope. Erwin gave him hope that he had the opportunity for a better life. When Levi thought all his hope and will to fight was gone, Erwin came busting in with his logistics and inspirational words and it spurred him forward. What would've happen to himself if Erwin hadn't stepped in is a comforting thought since it reminds him that Erwin helped him and it wouldn't happen.

He thought. He hoped. He loved, but Erwin didn't. On some days, Levi would look into his crystal blue eyes and look for something -- warmth, hope, freedom, anything besides the neutrality he retained everyday and everyday he looked the same. The same hardened features and the same piercing state still adorned his face. It bothered Levi sometimes, but then he realized that seeing him any different was more unnerving.

He still hoped though. When they were alone in his office, he wished to see at least a little warmth or for his features to relax just a little to let Levi know that he felt comfortable in his presence and to his delight he detected some. Whatever it was, Erwin did act a little more relaxed around him. That was comforting.

But he knew. He knew that Erwin didn't care for him like that. In Erwin's mind, their connection was strictly professional and skin deep. Levi was only an important asset in battle.

That stung. A lot.

And Levi silently went from as happy as he was going to get in their situation, to as cold and hardened as if he'd just watched his friends die all over again. He stopped looking for different emotions in his eyes, because they were only uncaring.

And then something would happen. Levi would see something in his eyes again and his hopes would rise only to be crushed the next day. Erwin was a complicated equation that he couldn't solve and it seemed he never would.

It was an endless cycle that was both agonizingly painful and pleasurable.

Help.