Tears of Angel by BlackLily

Chapter 20

20

After that, no one dared to speak. We might be thinking the same thing and remembering the same bitter memories. We drove in silence hanggang sa makarating kami sa Tagaytay. And then, dumaan kami sa isang supermarket and he bought groceries. Halos mapuno ang cart kasi kung ano ano lang pinagkukuha niya. Nakasunod lang ako sa kanya. Ayaw niya kasi akong iwan sa kotse. Siguro takot siyang layasan ko siya which is hindi ko gagawin. I will stay with him hanggang sa maging maayos sila Joanne and JC.

Did you bring clothes? Baka magtagal tayo ng 3 to 4 days.  Tumingin siya sa akin nung mapadaan kami sa section na may mga damit.

I’ve bought some dahil nga sabi ni JC… Hindi na niya ako pinatapos. TUmalikod lang siya ulit and continued putting in his cart almost everything that he sees. After niyang mag grocery, sumakay ulit kami and drove in silence for about an hour hanggang sa makarating kami sa isang resort sa tabi ng taal lake. Pagdating namin we were served with food which we ate in silence. Mas mabuti na nga sigurong hindi kami nag uusap kasi kahit ako, hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko.

Akala ko doon na kami magcstay but I was shocked nung niyaya niya ako papuntang lake and we boarded a small yacht. Umupo lang ako sa loob ng yacht while he is talking with the person maneuvering the yacht.  Then the yacht docked on an island sa gitna ng taal lake and I saw a small house.

Inalalayan niya akong bumaba ng yacht and our hands touched. Hindi ko alam kung ako lang ang nakaramdam pero parang may electricity na dumaloy sa mga kamay ko nung hawakan niya ang kamay ko.  Again, I tried to brush away the feeling and ignored it. Baka masyado lang akong assuming or I am becoming too edgy.  Nakipag usap siya ulit sa kasama namin at umalis na ito kasama ang yacht pagkatapos ilagay ang mga gamit namin sa living room at ang mga grocery sa kitchen. Napatingin ako sa loob ng resthouse and I was impressed. Malinis ang bahay and very modern.

That is your room and mine is adjacent to yours. Napatingin ako sa tinuro niya. Medyo may kalakihan kasi ang resthouse.  Pumunta ako sa tinuro niyang room and opened it. Maganda din ang room with a shower and bathtub on it. Ang nakakapagtaka pa malinis ang buong bahay. Parag may naglilinis araw araw.

You own this house? Tumingin ako sa kanya na nakasandal sa doorway.

No. The three of us own it. Kwarto ito ni Joanne, yung kabila kwarto namin ni Paolo. I just nodded at him.

This is a nice place. Would you believe that we will be having this conversation after so many years?

I think so too. Hindi ka man lang ba magrereklamo kung bakit kita dito dinala?

Would it make a difference if I  complain? Even if I look like a prisoner in this island, wala pa din akong magagawa. Might as well accept everything in it. Totoo naman di  ba?

You sound so resigned about it. Naglakad ako papuntang bed at umupo. Nakatayo pa din siya sa doorway.

I’ve been to worst places, slept the worst bed, eat almost nothing yet I didn’t complain. It would be stupid of me to complain after having all these… luxuries. One thing, na natutunan ko sa pagvolunteer sa WHO ay ang pag appreciate sa mga bagay bagay. How small it may be. How to be humble and how to be contented. And to appreciate what I have, to appreciate how blessed I am compared to those people in Africa and in other impoverished countries all over the world. Okay, do I sound like a saint now?

Angel…he trailed off after he said my name. And a certain feeling rose in me upon hearing him say that name.   Napatingin ako sa kanya. I looked at him. Remembering the face na pinilit kong kalimutan. Pinilit kong  inalis sa alaala ko. Hindi ko pala  completely na erase ang mukha niya sa alaala ko. He still have that handsome look.  Yung maamo, palangiti, at masayahin na si Johann. Only now, there is a trace of roughness in his feature.


How have you been these past years? Napakurap ako sa sinabi niya?

I’m fine.  Ito ganito pa din. Ngumiti ako ng pilit. Di ko alam pero bakit parang kinakabahan ako. Tumango lang siya. Damn, this is awkward. Very very awkward.

I see. Saan ka pumunta? How did you met JC?

Pinag aral ako nila Mommy sa Boston  and I met JC there. Hindi ko siya matingnan sa mata. I can almost guess the next words that will be coming out of his lips.

Hindi ka nagpaalam sa….. lahat. It is not a question. I was a statement. A confirmation. An accusation. A statement uttered with bitterness and pain.


Yes, I didn’t. I should have said sorry. But why would I be sorry. May patutunguhan ba ang sorry ko. Tapos na ang lahat. That was all in the past.

Angel… galit ka pa rin ba sa akin hanggang ngayon? Napatingin ako sa kanya. It took a while for me to answer. I search for hatred in my heart para kay Johann but I found nothing. I search for pain ng dahil sa nangyari years ago but I found none. Just emptiness. Just coldness.

No Johann. I am no longer mad at you. Nakalimutan ko na ang sakit. Nakalimutan ko na ang mga nangyari dati. Nakalimutan ko na ang lahat. Everything in the past doesn’t mean anything to me now. Sinabi ko yun habang nakatingin sa mga mata niya. Kasi yun ang totoo. Yun ang totoong nararamdaman ko. 
 
I see. Everything in the past doesn’t mean anything to you now. I understand Fille. You can have your rest now. If you want to take a bath, you can use the bathroom or if you would fancy a swim, there’s a pool at the back. And he turned his back and close the door of my room behind me.