•L.1.F.3.•MeMe•E-Zine•

[31]. Helping Dad

My Dad needed my help moving a fairly bulky TV cabinet to an upstairs bedroom, so I helped him get the quilted tarps on the wooden stairs, set the TV cabinet on the hand truck and we proceeded to move the unwieldy piece of furniture from the living room downstairs up a single flight of stairs and ultimately to its bedroom destination. Now, the flight of stairs has a single turn in it and the TV stand is actually taller than the stair well ceiling is high, requiring us to lay the cabinet on its side and drag in up to the first level where the stairs turned, stand the entire piece up, turn the TV cabinet 90 degrees, lay it back down on the stairs again and finally drag the piece to the top of the stairs where we needed to stand it back up a final time to complete the job. So, my father and I started our task by laying the cabinet down on the first leg of the stairwell, with myself at the top and Dad below the TV cabinet.

Dad directed the flow of work with a series of simple commands which I followed to the best of my ability to understand them. In the course of issuing commands Dad gave one order in particular that caused quite a bit of confusion and even nearly caused us to lose our grip on the heavy piece of furniture with near disastrous results. The misunderstood command was, "Pull up!"

Now, from my perspective, at the top of the piece, when listening to Dad say "Pull up!", I would get behind the TV stand and attempt to drag it up the incline of the stairs, dragging it along the slant of flight of steps. In simply listening to what my father was saying I had misinterpreted his actual intent, which was from his lower perspective: as the bottom of the cabinet cleared each step, Dad wanted me to "Pull up" on the piece and actually stand the feet of the cabinet up on each stair step as we passed it. This misinterpretation of intent caused us to nearly drop the TV cabinet several times and actually had my Dad slipping, falling and sliding belly down the blanket covered stairs at one point, with me hanging on to a nearly hundred pound piece of furniture from the top of the first level of stairs by myself!

Not good! After struggling with the cabinet for about ten minutes we finally managed to get the thing to the top of the first level and properly turned and positioned for the final leg of the task. Dad called for a breather at this point, a drink of water, a sandwich and some TV, during which he attempted to fully explain his intentions in finishing our task.

It was at this point I remembered the nature of this assignment and engaged in the tool of Active Listening. Through the use of paraphrasing via hand gestures and body language (which I had not been able to see from beyond the top of the TV cabinet before), when he had simply been saying "Pull up! Pull up!", it became apparent that Dad was right, it would be easier to move the bulky piece of furniture by setting its weight on its feet at each step rather than trying to drag it all the way up the incline and then standing it up. Having made use of Active Listening, when we returned to the last part of our task, not only did we get the TV stand up the second part of the stair case in less than half the time it took us to get it to the first end, we didn't lose our grip on the unwieldy cabinet a single time!

After we got the thing to the top of the stairs and stood it up in the upstairs hallway for the last time, we were both relieved and exhilarated as opposed to the state of hair pulling stress we had endured during the first leg of our journey. Having finished our task with relatively little pain and a greater degree of mutual understanding than we had started it, it became immediately apparent to me that it would be a great idea to engage in some form of Active Listening at the outset of any cooperative venture as well as in the case of initial disagreements and/or other differences of opinion or misunderstandings.

Through Active Listening and the paraphrasing of one's point of view, opinions can effectively be expressed in manners that make them easier understood by other parties, some of who might otherwise misunderstand or disagree with one's standpoint. At work, such tactics are effective in facilitating a greater level of cohesiveness amongst co-workers and employees. Amongst friends, such actions might not only alleviate potential misunderstandings but perhaps even provide a level of excitement and fun between comrades that might not exist without the higher level of participation and interaction that is necessary for effective paraphrasing to take place.

And at home, active listening was very instrumental in helping me to avoid crushing my dear old dad beneath a TV cabinet falling down a treacherous flight of stairs!