Jaspar One-Shots

You Can't Lose Something You Never Had

Summary: Caspar has been expelled, and because of a bet, Joe tells him everything he had been keeping secret for over a year now. But of course, Caspar is reckless. One of them is bound to get hurt.
WARNINGS: None.

Joe's voice was quiet and weak, and it was almost like nothing at all, "You're really leaving then, huh?" He breathed out heavily, diverting his eyes down the floor feeling the need to tear them away from Caspar's blue eyes. He saw in the corner of his eye Caspar nod his head, and he held back the sob rising in his throat.

He couldn't cry in front of him. Not like this.

When Caspar had got expelled from school, Joe felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. Of course, Caspar had no clue. He never did. Caspar never noticed the longing looks that Joe gave him, or the way his cheeks instantly flushed red when Caspar spoke to him.
He never expected Caspar would get kicked out of school, sure he knew he was bad but he didn't know it was this bad.

But unfortunately he had made a bet with his friends because everybody expected something like this. The bet stated that if Caspar ever got kicked out of school, for whatever reason, then Joe would tell him how he feels. So here he was, standing in front of him feeling completely exposed.

"You never noticed me." Joe croaked out, his voice still small. Caspar looked up at him, and crossed his eyebrows.
"Of course I noticed you. You sat next to me in some of my classes. You were in my Learning Group. I noticed you everyday, you weren't as invisible as you thought you were." Caspar replied like it was nothing. But to Joe it was something.

Joe let out a tiny laugh that almost sounded fake, "No, you don't get it. You noticed me, but you never noticed me like I noticed you," He took a deep breath, ready to tell him. "I've had a massive crush on you for like a year. Over that actually. You just don't get it. Never did, never will."

Caspar stepped back like he had just been hit, he felt like Joe's words had. "Oh," He muttered. And Joe could have screamed. Oh? Two letters is all he could say, when Joe has spent over a year over him? "You're right, I didn't notice." He added.

Joe looked up again to meet Caspar's burning gaze, "But you're leaving now, so it doesn't matter anyways."
Caspar just hummed in response; he was shocked. He never thought that Joe would feel this way, especially never about him.
"It does matter. If it's with you it always matters." Caspar told him, expecting a smile; instead he got the opposite.

"Don't do this." Joe whispered angrily. "Do anything, scream at me, anything. But not this."
Caspar licked his lips - which were outstandingly dry - and cocked his head to the side, "Do what?" He asked.

"Pretend that you always cared now that you know that I always did." Joe said defeated, feeling like he could crash to the ground. "I'm not your rebound, I'm not the one you come to now that you leave. I'm Joe. I'm the one who you'll not remember, and that's who I should remain. Don't try and change this around on me. I'm worth more than that, and I know that. You do too." Joe ranted, his nose running slightly and his eyes prickling with tears.

Caspar stood there in silence, "I don't know what to say." He muttered.
Joe shook his head in disappointment, "You never do."
And once again, they were plunged into silence.

"Look, I don't want us to end badly. I don't want your last memory of us be a bad one. So I'm going to say that this isn't goodbye. Even though you are going to a school far, far away and I might never see you again..." He paused for a moment to collect himself. "Maybe I'll see you when we are twenty something, I don't know. Might bump into you on the street, and you'll have kids, or I will. It doesn't matter. But this isn't the end, I know it." Joe said.

Caspar smiled briefly, but it was hardly a smile, "But I don't want it to end like this either."
"Me either."
"Then why don't we make a different ending?"
"Because you are you. And I am me. And we just wouldn't work out, and I don't want to try. Well I do, I just don't want to get hurt."

They stood there in silence, before Joe whispered, "I'm going to go now." Caspar didn't try and stop him, but instead bidded him goodbye.

With one final glance, Joe began to walk down the stairs and stopped for a second. "Goodbye." He whispered with a small smile.
"Goodbye." Caspar whispered back.
And with that, Joe was gone. And Caspar didn't run after him like he would in a movie, because this isn't a movie. This was real life.
And he understood that.

So he let Joe go, because if he was honest with himself, Joe was right. He didn't even have Joe in the first place. And you can't lose something you never had.

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