My Neighbor, Mr. Rogers

Chapter Thirty-Seven - Blah, Blah, Blah, I Love You.

After spending too much time deciding what clothes would make me look least gross and even longer trying to get my hair to not look stupid with only one good hand, I finally made it to breakfast. Which was amazing. Scones were involved. Scones. Steve really is the perfect man.

What can I say? I have a thing for baked goods.

Insert a creepy joke here on how an adorable pre-serum Steve baked in Dr. Erskine's and Howard Stark's science oven and then *ding* he popped out as a delectable man muffin.

...And I get creepy when I'm nervous.

Huh.

Anyway.

While he washes the dishes and I dry (he knows how to work a dishwasher but he says he 'enjoys' washing them by hand. Probably got hit one too many times in the head. Poor guy.) I try to work up the courage to start the conversation that I would rather bury in the deep, dark recesses of a top secret SHIELD base where it'd never be found. I'm going to give myself an ulcer – that is, if I don't barf up my internal organs first. The odds are currently fifty-fifty either way.

Steve's wiping down the counter, finished, and I'm still quivering in my lion suit. So I blurt, "Hey, can I talk to you about something important? Well, I think it's important. It's important to me, at least. It might be important to you too. I don't know. Guess we'll find out. I mean, we'll find out if we talk about it. We'll get nowhere at this rate."

Steve eyes me strangely. "Sure. What's up?"

I glance nervously around the kitchen. "Not here. Could we go to my room?"

His eyes widen in surprise.

"Because there aren't any cameras there and this is not something I want Tony pulling up on his big screen later with a tub of popcorn," I hastily explain.

"All right," he agrees hesitantly as he dries his hands.

We make our way to my room under a fog of awkward silence.

He closes the door behind us, looking uncomfortable to do so. "What'd you want to talk about?"

I clear my throat. "First, please sit down." I gesture to the chair beside the desk and he complies. "Second, it's going to be difficult enough to say all this because I'm a spaz, so please don't interrupt. You can freak out or say whatever you need to at the end and it'll be totally justified, just please let me get it all out first because if I don't do it now I never will and then James will tell you and I won't be able to speak to either of you ever again and I'll be sad and it would just be the worst."

Steve looks very concerned and almost nervous as to what I have to say, but he nods anyway.

"Okay, so," I clear my throat again and adjust my wheelchair to face him straight on, trying to swallow down my nausea. "Well," I give a small, uneasy smile before sighing. Pretty sure I was less nervous around my buddy Bill.

You know, I've never really appreciated the anxious, emotional trauma that Darcy went through when he first confessed his feelings to Elizabeth. This bites. Good for you, Mr. Darcy, for your valiant disaster of a proposal.

"Oh screw it," I mutter, staring at his shins. "Steve, I like you. No, that's a bit of a lie. Sorry, I'm still new at this. I've been sort of lying to you for a while now, almost two years, actually. When I first met you, I thought I had a crush on you because you're stupidly handsome and your personality is just as attractive. Then I thought maybe I just had a crush on you because you're Captain America and, come on, who doesn't have a crush on Captain America? But, the better I got to know you and the less that I lied to myself, I realized that I didn't- that I don't have a crush on you or even the idea of you. I-" I look up to meet his wide blue eyes. "I love you, Steve. I have loved you for so long, and not just as a friend. I don't expect you to reciprocate my feelings – you had a girlfriend after all, never mind the fact that you're a real, live superhero. I also don't want you to feel like you owe me your love just because I love you. I love you." I smile. "It feels so good to say that to you out loud. You should also know that even if you don't love me back the same way, I still want to be your friend– if that wouldn't be too weird for you –and I'll still love you this way. I don't think I could stop myself. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you and I'm sorry if my keeping this from you makes you upset, but you deserve to know the truth."